Stop Your Divorce

Stop Your Divorce

When married couples find themselves in a relationship crisis, the possibility of divorce often starts coming up more and more frequently. Certainly divorce will give you the freedom to go your separate ways and be done with the conflict. But if you truly desire to stop your divorce, there are several strategies you can begin implementing right now which may turn your relationship around. In fact, your spouse will never know what hit him!

Granted, these strategies take a little work. And most of the work, if you want to stop your divorce, is yours to do. Don’t put the onus on your spouse to change. In fact, if you try following these strategies, your spouse will likely be surprised and start changing in response to you. Keep in mind, that these will feel very counter-intuitive to you initially. They will likely be the very opposite of how you have been behaving. So be prepared to try on some new behaviors which will help you stop your divorce in its tracks!

The first thing you need to do is stop complaining about or criticizing anything about your spouse or your marriage. Every time you engage in that sort of behavior, you just push your spouse further away and give him more reason to want to go through with the divorce. So, work hard to catch yourself when you want to make a critical or negative remark if your goal is to stop your divorce.

Instead, take an unusually agreeable stance. If your spouse makes a critical comment or complains, agree with him. For example, if he says something like, “all we ever do is fight”, rather than try to convince him that that isn’t true, (and thus be letting him know how wrong he is) agrees with it. You might say (and you must be sincere), “you are right….we do fight a lot.” And once you have agreed, drop it. Don’t say anything else. Don’t give in to your urge to defend yourself or the marriage. Just agree.

Second, don’t pressure your spouse in any way. When people are having marriage problems, it is not uncommon for one spouse to be pressuring the other to make changes. If you want to stop your divorce, this is a huge mistake.

Whenever you pressure someone, you not only put them on the defense, you trigger their resistance. No one likes to feel pressured, so the natural tendency is to resist it. Stop yourself whenever you feel the urge to pressure your spouse to work on the marriage, make changes, etc.

Third, avoid having serious conversations. Those can do more harm than good in a fragile relationship. The reasons they can be so damaging is because they create undue pressure in the relationship. Again, pressure will backfire if your goal is to stop your divorce.

Last, keep things light hearted, casual, and upbeat. In other words, cliché as this may sound, “go with the flow”. So many problems arise when we try to fight against a situation. By allowing it and no longer fighting it, it frees up the resistance and will often lead to things turning themselves around. And it takes far less energy to go with the flow than against it.

Practice doing these things and you will be much more likely to stop your divorce. Keep in mind, you must do them consistently. If you slip back into old habits of criticizing, pressuring or complaining, you will just shift things back to where they were. But keep doing these, and it will give your marriage the best chance of working out after all.

BONUS : Straight-forward Advice On Marriage That Works!

Let’s face it; if you’re looking for advice on marriage, you could spend DAYS researching on the internet without even scratching the surface of all the marriage advice that’s out there.

But the sad fact is, that’s what most people in your situation do…they RESEARCH…but never ACT on the concepts and ideas they learn about because they come up with “excuses” for why THEIR situation is DIFFERENT.

Well let me tell you….your situation is NOT different. And as EXTREME as MY marriage was…my “situation” was NOT different either…

So why am I qualified to give YOU advice on marriage? Because I managed to save my marriage…on my own…after 27 years of fighting, car chases and battles over her way vs. my way.

Our marriage was as bad as it gets.

You see, I married my COMPLETE OPPOSITE. In fact, you’d think we were from different planets if you compared our habits, values, priorities and temperaments… and that’s before you take into account our male/female differences….which brings me to one of the best pieces of advice on marriage that I can give you…

1. LEARN THE “5 LOVE LANGUAGES”

When I discovered this critical bit of advice on marriage, it really opened my eyes as to EXACTLY what made my wife happy. Often times we wish our spouse would treat us a certain way, but we never actually tell them what it is that we want them to do!

Gary Chapman, author of the book, The Five Live Languages, makes it easy for you to communicate what you need from your spouse to feel loved…and what they need from you!

When I found out what made my wife feel loved…I was SHOCKED!

She wanted “acts of service” of all things! I thought that since I liked “words of affirmation”…that she would too!

I hated doing “acts of service” (a.k.a. chores around the house, gardening and repairs) and that’s exactly why I wasn’t meeting her needs! I didn’t realize what I was doing wrong until I read this book.

…which reminds me…here’s another great piece of advice on marriage you need to keep in mind...

Many couples make the BIG mistake of treating their spouse the way they WISH their spouse would treat THEM!

In other words, smothering your spouse in hugs and kisses isn’t going to make him/her want to hug/kiss YOU more if what they actually need from YOU is “acts of service” like taking out the trash or cleaning the house!

If you want to improve your marriage and have your spouse meet your needs, by meeting theirs FIRST, I highly recommend this book. You can find it at: http://www.stopyourdivorcein4weeks.com/gary.html

Now I’ve never seen anyone talk about this last piece of advice on marriage, so pay close attention…

2. YOU CAN’T IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE UNLESS YOU FEEL LIKE IT FIRST

Many people search for the recipe for a happy marriage, in a quest for a simple LIST of things they can go do and then simply “check the items off of their list.”

But unfortunately, that’s not how REAL married life works. I could give you a long list of advice on marriage that would improve your relationship, but that list won’t do you any good. If you’re like most married couples, you won’t act on ANY advice on marriage… until you first feel like doing it FIRST.

Telling you to “go do something” to improve your marriage is NOT going to make a difference in your relationship when you resent your spouse and feel SO negative that you can’t even bring yourself to do it!

The key is actually FEELING LIKE doing something positive for your marriage…and THEN doing it.

Believe me; it’s MUCH easier to do something nice for your spouse when you’re feeling optimistic about your marriage…than it is to “force” yourself to be the first one to take a step towards a better marriage.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “How do I get to the point where I FEEL LIKE doing something to improve my marriage? I’m so frustrated with my spouse right now!”

Well, I’m glad you asked. I offer a FREE mini-course on “How to Overcome Your Negative feelings…the Moment they Appear.” If you’re at all interested, keep reading so you can get started on the mini-course right away…