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Stop Marriage Divorce
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If your marriage is in crisis and you or your spouse are thinking that a divorce is your only option, you need to realize that it doesnÂ’t always have to be. To stop marriage divorce it is very important that you understand that what seems impossible, hopeless, and irreconcilable today may not seem that way tomorrow. But in order to gain some perspective and begin working towards a different solution, there are several things you can do.
One of the first things you can do is to write down all the positive things about your marriage. This may be particularly difficult if you are really angry, hurt, upset, or bitter towards your spouse. But if you can take a little time and temporarily set those emotions aside, you may be surprised at how many good things you can find that will make you want to stop marriage divorce.
It is often said that what we focus on expands. Chances are, youÂ’ve spent so much time focusing on the negative aspects of your marriage for so long, that you have totally lost sight of all the good things. Not to mention, if you have already filed for a divorce, it is human nature to search for everything we can to justify the decision that was made. Recognize that tendency and determine to come up with a long list of all the things you love and appreciate about your spouse as well as your life together. They are there. If they werenÂ’t, you would have never gotten married in the first place.
After you have made that list, make a second list where you write down all the negative elements that accompany a divorce. In addition to the financial toll it will likely take, it will also affect your children, be very stressful for you, and result in many other losses as well. As both of these lists grow, you may very well start thinking that to stop marriage divorce is a much better plan than going through with it.
Now that you have made those two lists, make a third list. This time include all the ways in which you have been contributing to or creating problems in your marriage. Sometimes people who are considering divorce tend to focus on all their spouseÂ’s shortcomings while refusing to consider their own. Sadly, if you never bother to consider your own relationship flaws, you are going to take them with you right into the next relationship. It is better to stop marriage divorce now than end up in the same situation with someone new a few years from now.
DonÂ’t be surprised if you wake up one day and feel like you are recreating your previous relationship. Without taking inventory and making some hard changes, you will tend to keep attracting the same type of partner and have the same types of conflicts. WouldnÂ’t it make more sense to work on yourself now, in this relationship, if at all possible? Once you make this list, determine what some of the steps are that you can take to break the problematic patterns that come from you. Making positive changes is a great way to stop marriage divorce but it shows your spouse that you are aware of your shortcomings and are willing to work on them.
Last of all, encourage your partner (gently, donÂ’t pressure!) to make similar lists of his or her own. Doing an exercise like this and discussing what you discovered can be a small step towards getting back on track. If you truly want to stop marriage divorce, start putting some thought into these lists and then go from there. You may be surprised at what you find in the process!
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BONUS : Stop Your Divorce
When married couples find themselves in a relationship crisis, the possibility of divorce often starts coming up more and more frequently. Certainly divorce will give you the freedom to go your separate ways and be done with the conflict. But if you truly desire to stop your divorce, there are several strategies you can begin implementing right now which may turn your relationship around. In fact, your spouse will never know what hit him!
Granted, these strategies take a little work. And most of the work, if you want to stop your divorce, is yours to do. DonÂ’t put the onus on your spouse to change. In fact, if you try following these strategies, your spouse will likely be surprised and start changing in response to you. Keep in mind, that these will feel very counter-intuitive to you initially. They will likely be the very opposite of how you have been behaving. So be prepared to try on some new behaviors which will help you stop your divorce in its tracks!
The first thing you need to do is stop complaining about or criticizing anything about your spouse or your marriage. Every time you engage in that sort of behavior, you just push your spouse further away and give him more reason to want to go through with the divorce. So, work hard to catch yourself when you want to make a critical or negative remark if your goal is to stop your divorce.
Instead, take an unusually agreeable stance. If your spouse makes a critical comment or complains, agree with him. For example, if he says something like, “all we ever do is fight”, rather than try to convince him that that isn’t true, (and thus be letting him know how wrong he is) agrees with it. You might say (and you must be sincere), “you are right….we do fight a lot.” And once you have agreed, drop it. Don’t say anything else. Don’t give in to your urge to defend yourself or the marriage. Just agree.
Second, donÂ’t pressure your spouse in any way. When people are having marriage problems, it is not uncommon for one spouse to be pressuring the other to make changes. If you want to stop your divorce, this is a huge mistake.
Whenever you pressure someone, you not only put them on the defense, you trigger their resistance. No one likes to feel pressured, so the natural tendency is to resist it. Stop yourself whenever you feel the urge to pressure your spouse to work on the marriage, make changes, etc.
Third, avoid having serious conversations. Those can do more harm than good in a fragile relationship. The reasons they can be so damaging is because they create undue pressure in the relationship. Again, pressure will backfire if your goal is to stop your divorce.
Last, keep things light hearted, casual, and upbeat. In other words, cliché as this may sound, “go with the flow”. So many problems arise when we try to fight against a situation. By allowing it and no longer fighting it, it frees up the resistance and will often lead to things turning themselves around. And it takes far less energy to go with the flow than against it.
Practice doing these things and you will be much more likely to stop your divorce. Keep in mind, you must do them consistently. If you slip back into old habits of criticizing, pressuring or complaining, you will just shift things back to where they were. But keep doing these, and it will give your marriage the best chance of working out after all.
When married couples find themselves in a relationship crisis, the possibility of divorce often starts coming up more and more frequently. Certainly divorce will give you the freedom to go your separate ways and be done with the conflict. But if you truly desire to stop your divorce, there are several strategies you can begin implementing right now which may turn your relationship around. In fact, your spouse will never know what hit him!
Granted, these strategies take a little work. And most of the work, if you want to stop your divorce, is yours to do. DonÂ’t put the onus on your spouse to change. In fact, if you try following these strategies, your spouse will likely be surprised and start changing in response to you. Keep in mind, that these will feel very counter-intuitive to you initially. They will likely be the very opposite of how you have been behaving. So be prepared to try on some new behaviors which will help you stop your divorce in its tracks!
The first thing you need to do is stop complaining about or criticizing anything about your spouse or your marriage. Every time you engage in that sort of behavior, you just push your spouse further away and give him more reason to want to go through with the divorce. So, work hard to catch yourself when you want to make a critical or negative remark if your goal is to stop your divorce.
Instead, take an unusually agreeable stance. If your spouse makes a critical comment or complains, agree with him. For example, if he says something like, “all we ever do is fight”, rather than try to convince him that that isn’t true, (and thus be letting him know how wrong he is) agrees with it. You might say (and you must be sincere), “you are right….we do fight a lot.” And once you have agreed, drop it. Don’t say anything else. Don’t give in to your urge to defend yourself or the marriage. Just agree.
Second, donÂ’t pressure your spouse in any way. When people are having marriage problems, it is not uncommon for one spouse to be pressuring the other to make changes. If you want to stop your divorce, this is a huge mistake.
Whenever you pressure someone, you not only put them on the defense, you trigger their resistance. No one likes to feel pressured, so the natural tendency is to resist it. Stop yourself whenever you feel the urge to pressure your spouse to work on the marriage, make changes, etc.
Third, avoid having serious conversations. Those can do more harm than good in a fragile relationship. The reasons they can be so damaging is because they create undue pressure in the relationship. Again, pressure will backfire if your goal is to stop your divorce.
Last, keep things light hearted, casual, and upbeat. In other words, cliché as this may sound, “go with the flow”. So many problems arise when we try to fight against a situation. By allowing it and no longer fighting it, it frees up the resistance and will often lead to things turning themselves around. And it takes far less energy to go with the flow than against it.
Practice doing these things and you will be much more likely to stop your divorce. Keep in mind, you must do them consistently. If you slip back into old habits of criticizing, pressuring or complaining, you will just shift things back to where they were. But keep doing these, and it will give your marriage the best chance of working out after all.
