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Save Marriage Book
< < < Save Marriage Alone
While a good save marriage book cant do all the things that working with a live therapist can, it can still provide help for couples who cant afford therapy but are unable to work through their issues on their own. Self help books are very popular, and if you are willing to do the work, they can be a very good guide for you and your spouse if your marriage is in crisis.
Go to the self help section of any bookstore and you will quickly see that there are a lot of books on the topic of marriage. You should be able to find a save marriage book which will be helpful. But there are some things you should look for in order to get a quality book that wont end up being a waste of your time and money.
Make sure the author is reputable
Look for a save marriage book written by someone who preferably has training and credentials that qualify him or her as a relationship expert. For example, look for authors who have either a masters degree or doctorate in psychology, counseling, social work, or psychiatry. While education isnt everything, someone with the appropriate training is generally a better choice than someone who has none. Usually there will be the following credentials after their name: PhD, PsyD, MD, MA or LCSW.
Also, read the book cover or anywhere in the book where it gives a little more information about the author. Of course some authors who are relationship experts are very well known and will often be excellent choices for a save marriage book. Some of the best include Barbara DeAngelis, John Gray and John Gottman to name a few. There are many more, but these individuals are all experts when it comes to marriage and relationships in general.
Choose a book which is thorough, but easy to read
There are several topics which should be included in any good save marriage book. Look through the table of contents to see what areas the author covers. Some very important areas are:
Communication
Sex
Family issues / Children
Infidelity
Finances
Divorce
Since good communication is essential to a healthy marriage, this is a topic that definitely should be covered in a save marriage book. In fact, communication problems is often the reason many couples dont have good marriages.
Sex is a very important part of marriage, so if the book doesnt even talk about this topic, then look for a different one. When sexual needs and desires arent met in a marriage, it can lead to significant issues, including infidelity.
Family issues and children are also key topics for a save marriage book. In-laws can often be a point of contention for many couples. Also, if you have children, your marriage problems are definitely affecting them, so be sure the book covers this topic well.
Affairs tear apart many marriages, and even if that is not your issue, a marriage with problems is more vulnerable to infidelity. So be sure the book covers this topic.
Finances are one of the primary reasons for marriage problems. Disagreements about how to handle money have led many couples to divorce court. Make sure the save marriage book you are considering addresses this topic very thoroughly.
Divorce is also a crucial topic. The book should give you some questions to consider to determine whether or not divorce may be a better option for you and your spouse than staying together. While this may not be an option you want to consider, it should still be discussed in the book so you can ask the hard questions regarding this topic.
Hopefully you and your spouse will both read the save marriage book you choose and use it as a catalyst for having difficult but important conversations. But even if you have to read it alone, a truly worthwhile book on marriage will give you some valuable advice with regards to what you can do to help your marriage.
< < < Save Marriage Alone
BONUS : Save Marriage from Divorce
Considering that the divorce rate has been hovering at or above 50% for a long time now, it is worth putting some very serious thought into ways to save marriage from divorce. Because the couples who fail to do this are the ones most likely to end up as a statistic. If you want to be sure your marriage has the best chance of surviving and not ending up in divorce court, now is the time to pay attention. Following are some very destructive behaviors which need to be avoided if you want to save marriage from divorce.
Keeping score
A marriage is meant to be a true partnership, not a competition in which one or both of you constantly keeps score of what your spouse does or doesnt do for you. While light-hearted, playful competition is fun, expecting your partner to give you something or do something for you in return for each nice thing you do for him is destructive to the relationship. It creates a power struggle and is usually an attempt to control each other. And it fosters resentment and mistrust; two things that definitely wont help save marriage from divorce.
For example, if a husband sacrifices a day of golf with his buddies in order to stay home and watch the children while his wife goes shopping, it looks like a kind deed on the surface. However, there is nothing truly kind and giving about it if he holds it over her head as a debt when he wants something from her in the future. To save marriage from divorce, doing things for each other must stem from love and caring, not from manipulation, agendas, or debt. When that becomes the case, a marriage is in serious trouble.
Nagging at your spouse
Sadly, we learn a lot of unhealthy behaviors from our parents. If you grew up in a home in which one of your parents frequently nagged the other, you may find yourself doing the same thing to your spouse. And I guarantee you your spouse does not like to be nagged.
Nagging is like water constantly dripping on a rock; over time it slowly wears it down. The same thing happens in your marriage when you nag. It slowly pushes your partner away, at least emotionally, creating a rift which can eventually become a chasm too large to repair. If you are prone to nagging, work on stopping this behavior as soon possible to save marriage from divorce.
Verbal abuse
Words can be extremely destructive, particularly in a marriage. If you are prone to losing your temper and saying ugly, hurtful or vicious things to your partner, you need to change this behavior immediately. Verbal abuse will eventually take an emotional toll on your spouse. While you may feel they are just words and forget that you even said them a day or two later, your spouse definitely will not forget.
The sting of verbal abuse can go deep, and cruel words can be very difficult to forget for the person who is on the receiving end. If you are having marriage problems and truly want to save marriage from divorce, verbal abuse of any kind must stop immediately.
These are just a few of many things that can eventually tear a couple apart. Each behavior is not only destructive, it is also incredibly disrespectful. If you really desire to have a happy, healthy marriage and save marriage from divorce, ask yourself if you are doing anything destructive to the relationship similar to the above. If so, do whatever it takes to begin to make some changes. Your marriage will definitely benefit if you do!
Considering that the divorce rate has been hovering at or above 50% for a long time now, it is worth putting some very serious thought into ways to save marriage from divorce. Because the couples who fail to do this are the ones most likely to end up as a statistic. If you want to be sure your marriage has the best chance of surviving and not ending up in divorce court, now is the time to pay attention. Following are some very destructive behaviors which need to be avoided if you want to save marriage from divorce.
Keeping score
A marriage is meant to be a true partnership, not a competition in which one or both of you constantly keeps score of what your spouse does or doesnt do for you. While light-hearted, playful competition is fun, expecting your partner to give you something or do something for you in return for each nice thing you do for him is destructive to the relationship. It creates a power struggle and is usually an attempt to control each other. And it fosters resentment and mistrust; two things that definitely wont help save marriage from divorce.
For example, if a husband sacrifices a day of golf with his buddies in order to stay home and watch the children while his wife goes shopping, it looks like a kind deed on the surface. However, there is nothing truly kind and giving about it if he holds it over her head as a debt when he wants something from her in the future. To save marriage from divorce, doing things for each other must stem from love and caring, not from manipulation, agendas, or debt. When that becomes the case, a marriage is in serious trouble.
Nagging at your spouse
Sadly, we learn a lot of unhealthy behaviors from our parents. If you grew up in a home in which one of your parents frequently nagged the other, you may find yourself doing the same thing to your spouse. And I guarantee you your spouse does not like to be nagged.
Nagging is like water constantly dripping on a rock; over time it slowly wears it down. The same thing happens in your marriage when you nag. It slowly pushes your partner away, at least emotionally, creating a rift which can eventually become a chasm too large to repair. If you are prone to nagging, work on stopping this behavior as soon possible to save marriage from divorce.
Verbal abuse
Words can be extremely destructive, particularly in a marriage. If you are prone to losing your temper and saying ugly, hurtful or vicious things to your partner, you need to change this behavior immediately. Verbal abuse will eventually take an emotional toll on your spouse. While you may feel they are just words and forget that you even said them a day or two later, your spouse definitely will not forget.
The sting of verbal abuse can go deep, and cruel words can be very difficult to forget for the person who is on the receiving end. If you are having marriage problems and truly want to save marriage from divorce, verbal abuse of any kind must stop immediately.
These are just a few of many things that can eventually tear a couple apart. Each behavior is not only destructive, it is also incredibly disrespectful. If you really desire to have a happy, healthy marriage and save marriage from divorce, ask yourself if you are doing anything destructive to the relationship similar to the above. If so, do whatever it takes to begin to make some changes. Your marriage will definitely benefit if you do!
