If Your Marriage Was A Business Who Would Be The Chief Financial

If Your Marriage Was A Business… Who Would Be The Chief Financial Officer?

In an informal, unscientific poll of random people, I asked which of the following three issues was the most common cause of frustration in marriage: sex, kids or money. While many scratched their heads and wanted to choose “all of the above” when I pressed for the best option, the overwhelming majority chose money. Not surprising, whether couples have a lot or a little money, it is not unusual that money conversations and decisions can turn sour in a hurry.

First of all, we have to recognize and acknowledge that we come from different backgrounds and have different ideas about money. Some people think “Money doesn’t grow on trees” and others think “Money is there for the taking.” Can you see how Ann who thinks “A penny saved is a penny earned” and John who thinks “Live for today” may face some conflict in their buying decisions if they don’t discuss money clearly together as a couple?

In business, when a company makes a decision that will require a financial commitment, one of the key players involved in the decision making process is the Chief Financial Officer. This is the person whose job it is to know all the numbers and approve or deny requests based on the financial data.

If your marriage was a business, who would be the Chief Financial Officer? Would you and your spouse be Co- CFOs? Do you regularly de-brief each other on the state of your financial affairs?

When I’m working with salespeople they always tell me they want to sell more and make more money. My first question is “more than what? Where are you right now in real dollars?” If they stumble for the answer and can’t give me a clear cut bottom line number, I know the problem is that they just don’t have a grasp on where they are today.

How do you know if you should pull back and tighten the spending belt or when you can splurge on a fancy dinner or vacation without feeling guilty if you don’t know the numbers?

If you don’t take responsibility for knowing your financial reality it can only hurt you. No good can come of being in the dark when it comes to your net worth and bank account. It’s only more frustrating for the spouse who does look at the finances to talk about money with the spouse who does not understand the finances. Now, I’m not assuming it’s always the man who understands the money and the woman who goes out and spends unnecessarily. It can work both ways. It is not the “CFO spouse” whose job it is to explain the financial position to the other; it’s the other spouse’s responsibility to make sure they understand their situation.

Businesses look at their numbers constantly. If they didn’t consider the numbers in all their decisions they would not be around long. When I coach a company’s salespeople, they have to know on a daily basis where they are in relationship to making their sales goals. How can you make any adjustments if you don’t know exactly where you stand?

Business people have to be comfortable talking about money. In our personal lives, this is as important as it is in business. Make sure you set up a regular “date” with your spouse at the end of every month to spend an hour going through the credit card statements and bank statements. Calculate your monthly expenditures and create a budget you can both align on so you know what you can and can’t do before you have to consult each other on money issues and purchases.

Couples who work together as a team when it comes to money are much less likely to argue about money. Money is one of the most common things people argue about so talk about it regularly and ensure there are no surprises by planning, budgeting & setting goals, just like any business would naturally do.

It’s much easier to make good financial decisions for the family when the “CEO & CFO” (you and your spouse!) of the marriage understand the balance sheet.

BONUS : If Your Marriage Was A Business… Would Your Mentor Help You Through?

In sports the most successful athletes have coaches and mentors. Coaches know how and when to motivate, train, inspire and bring out the best in others. Mentors have been there and done that. While both are important, let’s focus our attention on mentors because they are widely available and most often free of charge and anxious to be of service.

Everybody feels good when someone asks them for advice. Older & wiser people have a wealth of information to share. Business leaders are anxious to share the lessons they’ve learned with people on their way to the top. Sure you can read a book about a person’s success story, but imagine having dinner every month or so with someone able and willing to share their expertise and wisdom. How could a business improve with that practice in place? How could your marriage?

Those who have made it through tough times with a strong successful marriage have something to say about how it can be accomplished. Seek these couples out in your families, neighborhoods, places of worship & work. Examples of unsuccessful partnerships are all over daytime TV. For examples of healthy, fulfilling and long lasting relationships, take a look at the people in your real life.

When you meet people who’ve been married to each other many years how they have made it work for so long. Not only is the question a great conversation starter, but you’ll learn something that you may be able to quickly incorporate into your own relationship that could make a difference and you will make them feel good about themselves at the same time!

At a dinner party thrown by my husband’s business partner, we found ourselves at a table with four couples; all were our parent’s age. Conversation was somewhat ordinary until I asked the question, “What’s your secret to being married more than 25 years?” We talked all night. They each went around the table with their special blend of advice for us “young folks”. Then they went around again with more marriage tips! We all left the party feeling great. They got to be experts on the topic of marriage. They got to feel acknowledged for their successful relationship. They got to appreciate each other all over again by sharing their personal stories. They got to pass along their advice to interested people. They got to feel good by having something to say about an important topic. Everyone was engaged in the conversation. We got to learn from their wisdom and experience.

The evening was a win-win for everyone. You are welcome to go through the experience of marriage on your own, without the wisdom of those who have done it well, but just as I wouldn’t advise a young person to make a career choice without talking to someone in the field, I don’t recommend trying to create a marriage without advise from those who are “in the field”. Successful people who have something to share on the topic of business or marriage will want to save you from the hassle and heartache of learning what they had to learn the hard way. You can do it yourself or take their advice and perhaps save your marriage.

One warning I would be remiss if I didn’t mention here… choose your mentors carefully. Any advisor, paid or volunteer, is only valuable to you if their expertise has integrity. By that I mean that I wouldn’t want a nutritionist who was 100 pounds overweight- that would lack integrity. If, at any point, you believe your mentor relationship is not supporting your goal of a happy, life-long marriage, end your mentor partnership and shop for a new one.

Creating mentors may mean seeking out specific couples and asking them formally to be your “marriage mentors”. You may meet regularly as a couple for a meal with your marriage mentors, or you may meet or talk occasionally as a need arises. There are no rules to mentor relationships, though the best plan is to structure time to connect with marriage mentors to keep that relationship strong.