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If Your Marriage Was A Business Would Your Mentor Help You Throu
In sports the most successful athletes have coaches and mentors. Coaches know how and when to motivate, train, inspire and bring out the best in others. Mentors have been there and done that. While both are important, lets focus our attention on mentors because they are widely available and most often free of charge and anxious to be of service.
Everybody feels good when someone asks them for advice. Older & wiser people have a wealth of information to share. Business leaders are anxious to share the lessons theyve learned with people on their way to the top. Sure you can read a book about a persons success story, but imagine having dinner every month or so with someone able and willing to share their expertise and wisdom. How could a business improve with that practice in place? How could your marriage?
Those who have made it through tough times with a strong successful marriage have something to say about how it can be accomplished. Seek these couples out in your families, neighborhoods, places of worship & work. Examples of unsuccessful partnerships are all over daytime TV. For examples of healthy, fulfilling and long lasting relationships, take a look at the people in your real life.
When you meet people whove been married to each other many years how they have made it work for so long. Not only is the question a great conversation starter, but youll learn something that you may be able to quickly incorporate into your own relationship that could make a difference and you will make them feel good about themselves at the same time!
At a dinner party thrown by my husbands business partner, we found ourselves at a table with four couples; all were our parents age. Conversation was somewhat ordinary until I asked the question, Whats your secret to being married more than 25 years? We talked all night. They each went around the table with their special blend of advice for us young folks. Then they went around again with more marriage tips! We all left the party feeling great. They got to be experts on the topic of marriage. They got to feel acknowledged for their successful relationship. They got to appreciate each other all over again by sharing their personal stories. They got to pass along their advice to interested people. They got to feel good by having something to say about an important topic. Everyone was engaged in the conversation. We got to learn from their wisdom and experience.
The evening was a win-win for everyone. You are welcome to go through the experience of marriage on your own, without the wisdom of those who have done it well, but just as I wouldnt advise a young person to make a career choice without talking to someone in the field, I dont recommend trying to create a marriage without advise from those who are in the field. Successful people who have something to share on the topic of business or marriage will want to save you from the hassle and heartache of learning what they had to learn the hard way. You can do it yourself or take their advice and perhaps save your marriage.
One warning I would be remiss if I didnt mention here choose your mentors carefully. Any advisor, paid or volunteer, is only valuable to you if their expertise has integrity. By that I mean that I wouldnt want a nutritionist who was 100 pounds overweight- that would lack integrity. If, at any point, you believe your mentor relationship is not supporting your goal of a happy, life-long marriage, end your mentor partnership and shop for a new one.
Creating mentors may mean seeking out specific couples and asking them formally to be your marriage mentors. You may meet regularly as a couple for a meal with your marriage mentors, or you may meet or talk occasionally as a need arises. There are no rules to mentor relationships, though the best plan is to structure time to connect with marriage mentors to keep that relationship strong.
BONUS : If Your Marriage Were A Business
Would Your Spouse Be Looking For Another Job?
If your marriage were a business, would your spouse be looking for another job?
Our most important and intimate relationships often dont receive the attention, time and training that we give our business relationships. Here are two secrets from the business world to apply to your personal relationships.
1. Know Your Customer
To grow a business, it is critical to understand your customers and prospects.
People communicate in different ways. Some people are highly visual and the way they process information and express themselves is in visual ways. For example, a visual person would describe their spouse using descriptive words like: 6 feet tall, brown hair, blue eyes, handsome, etc.
Auditory people take in their world by evaluating what they hear. They would describe their spouse in this way: She compliments me and says the sweetest things, He has a deep voice and sings out loud.
Kinesthetic people typically rely on how they feel and they learn by experience. They would describe their spouse in this way: I get butterflies when shes around, She holds my hand, Hes cuddly & warm, I feel safe and comfortable in his arms.
Each of us has all three of these traits in us, though one tends to dominate. To discover which one your partner is, listen to the words they choose, then you can speak their language.
Before my husband discovered I was visual, he would get frustrated with me because he would explain things over and over and I just didnt get it. I kept saying, I dont SEE it. I cant PICTURE it. Now, when he wants me to understand something, like our finances, he gets out a sheet of paper and draws a graph. Ahhh
Your life partner is your biggest customer. Dont risk losing your biggest account by taking your communication for granted. Save yourself hassle and heartache by paying attention to how your partner communicates and make an effort to communicate in a way that is most natural to your partner.
2. Ask for the order. Ask the tough questions.
In business, once youve determined that your prospect is qualified to buy from you (and that your solution will solve their problem), its time to ask for the order.
In relationships we dont always ask for the order. We often dont ask the really important questions that will make the biggest difference. We ask her if shed like Chinese or Italian food for dinner. We ask him if we should stay home or go out. But do we ask our partner how they would know they are loved?
Remember the Neil Diamond/ Barbara Streisand song, You dont bring me flowers; you dont sing me love songs? They sang about two people with two different strategies for knowing the other loved them. One person used to bring flowers and the other used to sing love songs. They both stopped, when life got busy with responsibilities. Now what they notice is that the other person doesnt do what they used to do to show their partner love.
When my husband and I were dating and hed go on a trip, I would slip love notes in his luggage. After a few years, the travel notes stopped. I didnt stop writing them because I stopped loving him; I stopped writing them because I didnt know it was important to him.
One day I asked him, How do you know I love you? and he said, When you write me little love notes. So, I made a note in my planner to write love notes to Dave every few days. I created structure to support my overall strategy to make sure my husband knows he is loved every single day.
How would you know youre loved? How would your partner know? When you find out their strategy, do it! Ask the tough questions, ask for the order.
There are many business rules that apply to our personal relationships. Knowing your customer and asking for the order are critical if a business is to be successful. If your relationship was a company, and your partner was your biggest account, would you be confident that you know how to speak their language in order to be able to ask for the order?
If your marriage were a business, would your spouse be looking for another job?
Our most important and intimate relationships often dont receive the attention, time and training that we give our business relationships. Here are two secrets from the business world to apply to your personal relationships.
1. Know Your Customer
To grow a business, it is critical to understand your customers and prospects.
People communicate in different ways. Some people are highly visual and the way they process information and express themselves is in visual ways. For example, a visual person would describe their spouse using descriptive words like: 6 feet tall, brown hair, blue eyes, handsome, etc.
Auditory people take in their world by evaluating what they hear. They would describe their spouse in this way: She compliments me and says the sweetest things, He has a deep voice and sings out loud.
Kinesthetic people typically rely on how they feel and they learn by experience. They would describe their spouse in this way: I get butterflies when shes around, She holds my hand, Hes cuddly & warm, I feel safe and comfortable in his arms.
Each of us has all three of these traits in us, though one tends to dominate. To discover which one your partner is, listen to the words they choose, then you can speak their language.
Before my husband discovered I was visual, he would get frustrated with me because he would explain things over and over and I just didnt get it. I kept saying, I dont SEE it. I cant PICTURE it. Now, when he wants me to understand something, like our finances, he gets out a sheet of paper and draws a graph. Ahhh
Your life partner is your biggest customer. Dont risk losing your biggest account by taking your communication for granted. Save yourself hassle and heartache by paying attention to how your partner communicates and make an effort to communicate in a way that is most natural to your partner.
2. Ask for the order. Ask the tough questions.
In business, once youve determined that your prospect is qualified to buy from you (and that your solution will solve their problem), its time to ask for the order.
In relationships we dont always ask for the order. We often dont ask the really important questions that will make the biggest difference. We ask her if shed like Chinese or Italian food for dinner. We ask him if we should stay home or go out. But do we ask our partner how they would know they are loved?
Remember the Neil Diamond/ Barbara Streisand song, You dont bring me flowers; you dont sing me love songs? They sang about two people with two different strategies for knowing the other loved them. One person used to bring flowers and the other used to sing love songs. They both stopped, when life got busy with responsibilities. Now what they notice is that the other person doesnt do what they used to do to show their partner love.
When my husband and I were dating and hed go on a trip, I would slip love notes in his luggage. After a few years, the travel notes stopped. I didnt stop writing them because I stopped loving him; I stopped writing them because I didnt know it was important to him.
One day I asked him, How do you know I love you? and he said, When you write me little love notes. So, I made a note in my planner to write love notes to Dave every few days. I created structure to support my overall strategy to make sure my husband knows he is loved every single day.
How would you know youre loved? How would your partner know? When you find out their strategy, do it! Ask the tough questions, ask for the order.
There are many business rules that apply to our personal relationships. Knowing your customer and asking for the order are critical if a business is to be successful. If your relationship was a company, and your partner was your biggest account, would you be confident that you know how to speak their language in order to be able to ask for the order?
