First Dates

First Dates

There is nothing more intimidating than the idea of a first date, unless of course it is getting up the courage to ask for that first date. In fact, most of us will not even get to the point of asking four out of five times. So what if you finally get up the courage and, to your delight, the person says yes? Well, your adventures through the land of intimidation are just about to begin.

The agony of the first date begins when you try to decide what to do. The conversation often becomes bogged down right here- you do not want to choose a date that the other person will hate, nor do you want to choose a generic date that anyone could have dreamed up. Some safe ideas are the old standbys- a night at the movies, dinner in a restaurant with a few options (nothing too specific or risqué like sushi or Indian yet), a day in the park. If you play your cards right, the conversation should lead you to a point where you both find out interesting facts about each other that will serve two advantages- the first is that you have a curiosity about each other, the second is that it gives an opportunity to plan and get a set time for the second date. This date is great as it allows for a demonstration of your listening abilities and the opportunity to expand your dating options into other safe areas.

Choose a date that will allow you alone time without adding the burden of too much privacy. This will allow you both to feel comfortable and keep the conversation flowing. Your first date should also include some good conversation starters as well. This is why the movies and perhaps a desert or coffee afterwards are a good idea. You can go to the theater and both of you can decide on the movie, and afterwards the movie itself should provide ample fodder for conversation.

There are several signs that the date is going well. One of these is laughter- if you are both laughing, the odds are very high that you are having a good time. There is nothing more rewarding than female laughter on a date; it means that you are in the door of approval. Don’t overdo it though, and don’t try to play for laughs. Understated humor is the best way to go. Time seeming to fly by is another good indicator of a successful date, as we never have enough time when we are enjoying ourselves.

There are some suicidal moves and places when it comes to first dates. Bars immediately spring to mind. Many bars are filled with juvenile minded people (mostly young men) who are seeking to prove their manliness to a public that is in no need of convincing by looking for fights. If you happen to be a big guy, you will present an immediate target. This will inevitably result in a no win situation. Fights are a ridiculous behavior for an adult to engage in, nevertheless you may be forced into a situation where one cannot be avoided. There are lots of contingent consequences, including a possible loss of respect from your date and even charges. Bars also have the implication of heavy drinking, and your date may think you are trying to get her drunk to take advantage. If you both find out that you enjoy dancing, try to go to one of the higher class watering holes in your area. Otherwise, avoid bars altogether on the first date.

BONUS : First Impression: Advice For That First Date

First dates are tough situations. Oftentimes, they can end up being painfully awkward. So what do you do?

What follows are a list of dating tips to help you and your date get started on the right foot:

- Try not to meet at each other's houses and try to drive yourself. This is so that if you want to end the date early, you won't be trapped. This also helps avoid the impulse to invite your date in or not. Also, having your own car means you don't have to worry about your safety; your date won't know where you live and this avoids a date turning into some bad stalking nightmare.

- Try to keep the date as simple as possible. First dates can bring on jittery nerves. Jittery nerves and complicated plans do not mix. Just make it easy and enjoyable.

- Men, try ending the date first and do it politely, though make sure that you show you're interested. This will make you stand out.

- Women, don't wear anything provocative or too sexy. This sounds like an old cliché but first impressions last. Your date won't know anything about you except for how you look and how you behave. He will take you at face value and giving him the wrong impression on what sort of person you are is not something you want to do.

- Try and wear clothing that makes you confident and that you are comfortable wearing. It will be uncomfortable enough without worrying about that tightness around you waist or the itchy necktie.

- Men, try to be specific about where you are going for the date. This will make the entire affair more comfortable and it prepares your date for what to expect and what to wear. Wearing a cocktail dress to a fast food joint is definitely out!

- Ask your date about himself/herself. A healthy interest in getting to know your date is a good sign to show him/her. This means that you want to learn about him/her and think of your date as an interesting person. Remember, the most interesting conversationalists are those who ask about others. Great topics are work, hobbies and sports. Just keep it light and conversational.

- Try not to overdo the perfume or the cologne. Too strong and the scent can be quite distracting. It's very hard to complete an evening out with your date dazed by the smell.

- Mouthwash is important. Also, brush your teeth and bring a couple of mints if you're eating out.

- And always remember... have fun and be yourself!