Receiving Feedback With Grace

Receiving Feedback With Grace

Imagine holding a bouquet of balloons. And someone comes up to you and pops one with a pin. Then another. Then another. Pop! Slam! Bam! You’re shaken, shocked and need to take a few deep breaths to recover from the impact.

This is what it can be like to receive feedback. Whether it’s a work project, a creative project, or input on how you show up as a person, feedback can be jarring, painful and downright destructive. As a coach of the creative process, I have seen how feedback can devastate people and shut down their creative dreams. One man, probably in his seventies, showed up in a writing group I was leading. He had received negative feedback on his writing twenty-five years earlier. It had taken all that time to work up the courage to come back to his writing. It was sad but I was glad to see that his writing urge refused to be dampened.

Feedback is a necessary part of growing as a writer or artist, so it’s best to become graceful at receiving feedback. Here are a few steps that will help to – gulp – take feedback and use it to encourage you instead of deflating you.

First, get really good at asking for feedback from the right sources. Give yourself a chance to get feedback that is constructive and kind. Seek trusted writing buddies, writing mentors, or teachers whom you know have your best interests in mind. Spouses, parents and children may not be objective enough to give useful comments. They may not want to hurt your feelings, or they may be insensitive to your feelings. A spouse or a friend may have no clue about what makes a good story and they just don’t have the skills to comment. No matter who you choose, make sure to include this vital second step.

You may not know that you can design the feedback process. You can! Know that when you ask for comments, the giver’s ego may get a little puffed up. Here’s their chance to be right, to know, and to point out all the things that are wrong with your short story or essay. It can be like someone getting the weed wacker out to tidy up the sidewalk and then the rush of power surges over into destroying the whole yard. Know what kind of comments will best serve your growth and ask for it. You may want the comments in written form. Having it written down will make it easier to assess the feedback later, which is the next step.

Give yourself time to integrate the emotions and thoughts that the feedback will provoke. I suggest setting the feedback aside until at least the next day. No matter how much you want to hear commentary, it can still affect you emotionally. You may be in denial, you may want to argue, you may be hurt or frustrated that you still have a lot of work to do. Give yourself time to let all the emotion settle in. Then, when you feel more objective, take a look at the feedback. You’ll want a clear mind to be able to discern what is useful, which is the next critical phase.

You’ve gotten a response and now you need to discern what will improve your project or performance. Being as objective as you can, look at the feedback and ask this simple question: “What’s true?” Keep your primary objective in mind and use that as a guidepost for whether the feedback you have gotten will be used or discarded. Another question to ask is “What can I learn here?” Notice if you become defensive, since that’s not the wisest approach to doing your best. Make notes as you go back through the feedback and decide how you want to move forward with it.

Commentary is an essential part of the writing process, and if you’re interested in improving your writing, you should be seeking feedback. Getting kind and constructive comments is key to becoming a good writer. Use my steps to receive comments gracefully. Soon you’ll love the feedback process and will be asking for it even more often! Feedback is a part of creativity, so don’t let it burst your bubble.

BONUS : Recycle Your Articles To Gain Tons Of Traffic And New Subscribers

While there are many effective ways to get more traffic and build your email newsletter list, the one I’ve had the MOST success with is to submit articles for use on other people’s websites and in their ezines.

“But wait a minute,” you say. “Aren’t I supposed to be creating great articles for MY OWN e-zine?”

Yes, you are! And after your article appears in your OWN e-zine, you should then submit it to others. Over the past few years, I’ve found this to be the best way to get traffic, build my list, and increase my sales, for five reasons:

1) You can quickly gain FREE exposure to TENS OF THOUSANDS (or even HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS) of untapped prospects at a time. There are many high-traffic sites and ezines with high readerships that are looking for content from people like YOU.

2) Articles let you educate and share good information with your prospects. They also position you as an expert in their eyes, so they’ll think of YOU as the most respected resource in your field. (Traditional ads don’t do that for you.)

3) You have the right to promote yourself, your business, and whatever else you want at the end of every article. And anyone using your article must keep this information intact. (More on that in a minute.)

4) This is a tried-and-true method that will NEVER stop working, unlike the latest and greatest gimmicks to spoof the search engines. (Try one of those and see how quickly your traffic halts once the bottom drops out.) Search engines love real content and will always love real content.

5) It’s EASY, and anyone can do it!

HERE’S HOW TO GET STARTED…

1. PICK A WINNER
Browse through your archives and pick an insightful article that really showcases your expertise. Or, if this is new to you, write a basic article on your subject of expertise. (Not a good writer, or need help? Hire a writer from Elance.com.)

2. POLISH IT ‘TIL IT SHINES
Publishers will not be interested in your article if it contains typos, misspelled words, grammatical errors, or inactive Web links — these goofs would compromise the integrity of their publications. So make sure it’s Kosher!

3. ADD A COPYRIGHT NOTICE
At the end of the article, insert a copyright notice, dated when you first published the article. Example: © 2005 Alexandria K. Brown

4. WRITE A JAZZY “RESOURCE BOX”
In exchange for your letting other publishers reprint your article, it’s customary to require they include the contact information you provide. This is usually called the “resource box” and it should come RIGHT after your copyright notice. Here’s where you can ham it up.

Don’t waste time promoting your actual business in the resource box. Why? Remember your #1 goal is always to get prospects on your LIST. You’ll gain MORE clients and customers by FIRST getting them to subscribe to your FREE ezine or special report. THEN you’ve got them! You’ll be in front of them regularly, and that’s when they’ll understand why they should hire you or buy your products.

5. SUBMIT YOUR ARTICLE TO ONLINE CONTENT DIRECTORIES
There are hundreds of ‘free content’ Web sites and announcement lists where you can submit your articles for other publishers to use. Some even let you include a picture and other information about your website. One of my favorites is EzineArticles.com.

6. SUBMIT YOUR ARTICLE DIRECTLY TO APPROPRIATE PUBLISHERS
For best results, take the bull by the horns and contact publishers directly. But not just any publishers — ones with e-zines that accept articles AND whose readers are your ideal clients and customers. A great place to start your search and build your own list is Charlie Page’s Directory of E-zines.

7. AUTOMATE THE ENTIRE PROCESS

I know you’re probably thinking right now, “OK Ali, this sounds great, but isn’t this going to be time consuming?”

The answer is most definitely YES. In the past, you’d have to spend several hours a week just to get one article out there. It’s a lot of administrative work, requiring time that you probably don’t have.

But my friend Jason Potash has just released his brand new “ARTICLE ANNOUNCER” software that does all this work FOR you. It blasts out your articles to hundreds of directories, publishers, and other sources to help generate a slew of web visitors to your site, month after month.

My staff and I have tested Jason’s “Article Announcer” product and wholeheartedly recommend it. I urge you to see Jason’s information page NOW, and grab your own copy before the price goes UP in just a few days.

Remember also that if you don’t want to do any of your own article marketing yourself, it’s a perfect task to pass on to an assistant, intern, or freelancer. The key is getting it down to a SYSTEM, which is what this software helps you do.