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Help For Marriage
Quite often when couples are seeking help for marriage, it is because their marriage is starting to crumble. It may be that one spouse has been unfaithful. It may also be because there has been a significant amount of conflict, often turning into awful fights. Other times it may be because you have slowly grown very distant from each other, and you know if something doesnt change soon, the marriage is going to unravel altogether.
Fortunately, there is help for marriage if you are both willing to make the commitment to work through the problem, no matter what it is. This can feel impossible at times, particularly if there has been an affair or other type of betrayal. Hurt feelings can go very deep. And one of you may be more reluctant to try to work things out if trust has been damaged.
Many couples do get their marriages back on track, even under pretty challenging circumstances. Sometimes a crisis can be a much needed wake up call, making one or both of you recognize the necessity of getting help for marriage so you can heal the wounds. Quite often, if you can get through the process of healing, you will find that you are closer than ever before.
There are many ways you can show each other that you are truly serious and 100% devoted to making the marriage work. Following are just a few of the ways you can do this:
Make your marriage your number one priority.
Careers, children, volunteer work and other family are certainly all very important parts of each of your lives. But when you have reached a crisis point and need help for marriage, you must first be willing to put your marital relationship above everything else in your life.
All too often work and children get all your time and energy and there is simply nothing left for the marriage. Sadly, your children will suffer as a result. You owe it to them to have a happy, healthy marriage to make them feel secure and to give them good role models. And, the happier your marriage, the happier home life will be for your children.
Be open to marriage counseling if needed
Sometimes couples get stuck and simply cant work it out without some outside help for marriage. While marital therapy isnt right for everyone, it is definitely worth trying. A skilled marriage counselor can help you find ways to communicate better, break unhealthy patterns and develop new ones, and put things in a new perspective.
If your spouse feels a strong need for the two of you to get counseling, show your commitment by being willing to give it a try. If you are unwilling to go, that will likely convey that you arent truly committed to the marriage after all. Your spouse may feel resentment, and there will be even more problems in your relationship.
Make a commitment to focus on everything you love and appreciate about each other.
When you need help for marriage, remember the saying what you focus on expands. This is very true in relationships. If you focus on your spouses faults, you will end up bringing out the worst in him. If you want to bring out the best in someone, you must frequently show appreciation for the qualities you really value. In turn, your spouse will be more inclined to show those qualities more.
These are just three ways to show commitment to your marriage. While there are many more ways, these three will go along way when you need help for marriage. The more commitment each of you shows, the more motivated you will be to work together on your relationship.
BONUS : Help! My Husband's Buddies Are Butting Into My Marriage
Ask the Marriage Maven: Help! My Husband's Buddies are Butting into My Marriage
Q. My husband always wants to hang out with his boys. He used to hang out with them a lot before we got married, and I thought that after we got married things would change and that hed want to spend more time with me. Wrong!
It would be different if they did something productive, but all they do is sit around watching TV, playing video games, and listening to music. None of them have wives or serious girlfriends, except my husband so I know they talk about other women, too.
Weve only been married a year, and I already feel like were slipping into an old married couple relationship. A lot of fussing--and not much good communication. Im afraid we wont make it past year two. What can I do to make him want to spend more time with me?
J. N.
A. It is important that you and your husband spend a good amount of time together, especially as you guys are still learning what marriage is all about. But breaking up the boys club could be disastrous to your marriage. So I would not recommend telling your husband to cut his friends off completely, unless they are encouraging him to be unfaithful to you or contributing to addictive behaviors.
I know it can be annoying if your husband seems like hed rather spend time with his buddies instead of you, but youll need to give him some rope. Whatever you do, dont nag him about his time with his friends and let it be a constant source of bickering. Be clear that you want to spend more time with him, but let your actions be positive.
Here are three positive actions you can take:
1. Encourage the boys to meet in your house. Make his friends feel welcome in your home, make snacks (if you like to cook), and give them room to do their thing.
2. Suggest regular dates with your husband. Fill his social calendar at least once or twice a week with a planned activity that you two can share together. These dates dont have to be expensive or overly involved. They can be as simple as a walk in the park or coffee at you local coffee shop. You can initiate until he feels the need to do more of the planning.
3. Another solution would be to set his friends up. I know that its a little sneaky and risky, but it can work. If theyre just two or three of them, have monthly mixers (or get-togethers) in your home with them and some of your single girlfriends. Who knows, they may hit it off, thereby freeing up some of your husbands time.
A combination of these three suggestions, will probably work best. Theyll broaden your social life and deepen your relationship with each other. I hope these ideas have been helpful. Im wishing you all the best in your marriage!
Ask the Marriage Maven: Help! My Husband's Buddies are Butting into My Marriage
Q. My husband always wants to hang out with his boys. He used to hang out with them a lot before we got married, and I thought that after we got married things would change and that hed want to spend more time with me. Wrong!
It would be different if they did something productive, but all they do is sit around watching TV, playing video games, and listening to music. None of them have wives or serious girlfriends, except my husband so I know they talk about other women, too.
Weve only been married a year, and I already feel like were slipping into an old married couple relationship. A lot of fussing--and not much good communication. Im afraid we wont make it past year two. What can I do to make him want to spend more time with me?
J. N.
A. It is important that you and your husband spend a good amount of time together, especially as you guys are still learning what marriage is all about. But breaking up the boys club could be disastrous to your marriage. So I would not recommend telling your husband to cut his friends off completely, unless they are encouraging him to be unfaithful to you or contributing to addictive behaviors.
I know it can be annoying if your husband seems like hed rather spend time with his buddies instead of you, but youll need to give him some rope. Whatever you do, dont nag him about his time with his friends and let it be a constant source of bickering. Be clear that you want to spend more time with him, but let your actions be positive.
Here are three positive actions you can take:
1. Encourage the boys to meet in your house. Make his friends feel welcome in your home, make snacks (if you like to cook), and give them room to do their thing.
2. Suggest regular dates with your husband. Fill his social calendar at least once or twice a week with a planned activity that you two can share together. These dates dont have to be expensive or overly involved. They can be as simple as a walk in the park or coffee at you local coffee shop. You can initiate until he feels the need to do more of the planning.
3. Another solution would be to set his friends up. I know that its a little sneaky and risky, but it can work. If theyre just two or three of them, have monthly mixers (or get-togethers) in your home with them and some of your single girlfriends. Who knows, they may hit it off, thereby freeing up some of your husbands time.
A combination of these three suggestions, will probably work best. Theyll broaden your social life and deepen your relationship with each other. I hope these ideas have been helpful. Im wishing you all the best in your marriage!
