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Emotional Infidelity A Key Tactic To Save The Marriage
Hearing that your cheating spouse is in love with someone else is devastating. I hear often, I can handle her having sex with someone else. I think I can live with that. But, for her to give herself emotionally and love someone else man, that is hard. (Feel free to substitute the word he for she in this article.)
What can you specifically do to increase the odds of saving the marriage?
So often the offended spouse reacts with intense feelings and pulls out all stops to win her back.
He applies pressure. Begs. Cajoles. Makes promises. Gets in her face. Sends flowers. Arranges for dates. Talks to her family and friends. Calls her on the phone. Asks questions daily, sometimes hourly. He is on her like a fly on doo-doo.
It doesnt work.Why? Well, for one reason she has found all the stimulation and excitement she supposedly needs in her new found love.
At a deeper level this is confusing enough for the cheating husband or cheating wife. Any additional input will be overwhelming and she is liable to close the door on the marriage even further. Plus, she is really looking for some stability, some solid centered core that will hold her firm when the wind of drama entices her and blows around her.
If you bombard her with your neediness, you are certainly not the person who can help her in ways she really seeks.
She also is liable to create a polarity and begin comparing you to him. With your neediness dripping all over you, you dont stand a very good chance of coming out on top. Sorry!
Heres a tactic that helps solve the dilemma and gives you a greater chance of saving the marriage.Its called back off!
Stop pressing. Slow down the pace. Be silent most of the time. Stop making requests. Stop asking questions. Stop trying to wiggle out some assurance. Stop being a pain!
Remember, this in love state will fade. You need to have the confidence that it will. You need patience. The relationship will run its course.
She needs the space. She needs some quiet moments to truly hear herself and face the emptiness within. There will be a voice within her that says, This will not last. Is this what I really want? At some time I must live in the real world. Where is this taking me? Is this where I really want to go? Why am I so dependent on him? Why do I feel this empty pit in my stomach when Im not with him? What does this say about me?
This is her opportunity to learn about TRUE love. Dont get in her way.
I know. I know. This is easier said than done. But, you must do it. It is vitally important that you learn to quiet yourself, control yourself and keep on the straight and narrow path.
At this point with those I coach, I teach them a skill called "charging neutral" to help "back off." Use that skill.This will take some effort. It might take some coaching or therapy. It most likely will demand that you get to know yourself better, that you gain more confidence in you apart from what she does with him that you build a strong foundation under yourself that can weather any storm.
This is your opportunity to grow to another level.
Oh, by the way. She will notice! And .she might like it.
Backing off does not mean that you dont have anything to do with her. Quite the contrary. You want to maintain your contact with her, but it will be QUALITY contact. It will be contact that does honor to you, confronts her with the reality of her decisions and works toward resolution for the marriage.
Summary: Less often means more when facing emotional infidelity. Learning a specific skill such as "backing off" enhances one's chance to save the marriage.
BONUS : Engagement Rings Buying Essentials
Engagement rings encompass in them the sense of love, commitment and fidelity, they are given at a special moment in the lives of two people, promising an eternal love and honor between the two.
So you are now faced with the first decision of your new life, it is clear that making a proposal is far more important than anything material, your marriage proposal is going to be remembered for a long time, and will be told over and over again to all of the closest and dearest people in your life. A marriage proposal is something to consider and reflect about.
While most people know that the intention of inviting someone to share your life with forever is the most precious thing a men can offer, many disregard the importance of symbolism in the act itself and the gift that comes with it. An engagement ring is a sign that a promise has been made and that a time of significant change will arrive in the life of the person wearing it. Do not forget that most woman keep their engagement ring on their hands long after the marriage, sometimes on the same finger as the wedding ring.
Most people choose a diamond ring as an engagement ring, this means that you need to learn a thing or two about diamonds before actually going to the shop to choose one. Understanding diamonds requires knowledge of the basic four elements, the color, cut, clarity and carat.
Color is the result of the composition of a diamond and it can not be changed, meaning that a diamond does not change or can not be changed into any other color . When a jeweler is describing the color of a diamond they are referring to the presence or absence of color in white diamonds. Because a diamond with no color allows maximum light to pass through, colorless diamonds are preferred for their sparkle.
The common thing to think about when thinking of a diamond, is the way they shine and the different facets they have (turning a diamond in light produces this affect which indicates the cut), the cut refers to a diamonds reflective quality. This is very important when shopping for an engagement ring.
Most diamonds are cut with 58 facets. The brilliance of diamonds is heavily dependent on the cut. The different angles and the finish of a diamond determine its ability to reflect light and cause its brilliance and fire. The cut of a diamond is very important, in engagement rings especially, because some woman have only one diamond ring the engagement ring, you should pay close attention to the cut of it, sometimes a cutting fault can produce very evident flaws in the quality of the light passing through the ring, it is easy to notice, but important to know. The cut has an importance on the durability of the diamond, if you are looking for an engagement ring that promises stability you should probably make sure that the engagement ring you buy has been dealt with professionally.
Carat is the diamond industry standard, it is a unit of weight to measure diamonds. When speaking of one carat you are in fact speaking of 200 milligrams of weight. The carat itself is made of one hundred particular parts called points. These points in the carat are the ones you refer to when talking about points, for example 150 points in would be one and a half carats.
The clarity of the diamond is a clear indication of its worth, the clearer the better and more expensive. A ideal diamond ring should be flawless, from the outside and the inside, but that would cost a lot of money. The clarity is the factor of the inner quality of the diamond, since during the formation process some inclusions occur in most diamonds you will have to compromise for some kind of decreased clarity .Engagement rings are not expected to be perfect rings, with perfect diamonds, it is normal that a diamond on a engagement ring would not be flawless. To be considered flawless, a diamond must have no surface or internal imperfections visible upon being viewed by a skilled diamond grader using 10 power magnifications.
Carat is the unit of weight by which diamonds are measured. One carat is equal to 200 milligrams. A carat is divided into 100 segments called points. 150 points would equal one and a half carats.
Now that you know the basics of diamonds you can start shopping for the engagement ring, traditional engagement rings have a huge rock (look at the size of this rock!) on them, it is not necessarily the best way to go, try to think of the woman you are buying it for, what is her favorite color, does she have any sensitivity to any kind of metal, what is her opinion of diamonds and how flashy would she like her hand to be.
Do not be afraid to ask the jeweler questions, it is not every day that you will be shopping for an engagement ring, and speak your mind.
Good luck buying your engagement ring, and I wish you a life full of happiness and glitter, just like a brilliant diamond engagement rings has
Engagement rings encompass in them the sense of love, commitment and fidelity, they are given at a special moment in the lives of two people, promising an eternal love and honor between the two.
So you are now faced with the first decision of your new life, it is clear that making a proposal is far more important than anything material, your marriage proposal is going to be remembered for a long time, and will be told over and over again to all of the closest and dearest people in your life. A marriage proposal is something to consider and reflect about.
While most people know that the intention of inviting someone to share your life with forever is the most precious thing a men can offer, many disregard the importance of symbolism in the act itself and the gift that comes with it. An engagement ring is a sign that a promise has been made and that a time of significant change will arrive in the life of the person wearing it. Do not forget that most woman keep their engagement ring on their hands long after the marriage, sometimes on the same finger as the wedding ring.
Most people choose a diamond ring as an engagement ring, this means that you need to learn a thing or two about diamonds before actually going to the shop to choose one. Understanding diamonds requires knowledge of the basic four elements, the color, cut, clarity and carat.
Color is the result of the composition of a diamond and it can not be changed, meaning that a diamond does not change or can not be changed into any other color . When a jeweler is describing the color of a diamond they are referring to the presence or absence of color in white diamonds. Because a diamond with no color allows maximum light to pass through, colorless diamonds are preferred for their sparkle.
The common thing to think about when thinking of a diamond, is the way they shine and the different facets they have (turning a diamond in light produces this affect which indicates the cut), the cut refers to a diamonds reflective quality. This is very important when shopping for an engagement ring.
Most diamonds are cut with 58 facets. The brilliance of diamonds is heavily dependent on the cut. The different angles and the finish of a diamond determine its ability to reflect light and cause its brilliance and fire. The cut of a diamond is very important, in engagement rings especially, because some woman have only one diamond ring the engagement ring, you should pay close attention to the cut of it, sometimes a cutting fault can produce very evident flaws in the quality of the light passing through the ring, it is easy to notice, but important to know. The cut has an importance on the durability of the diamond, if you are looking for an engagement ring that promises stability you should probably make sure that the engagement ring you buy has been dealt with professionally.
Carat is the diamond industry standard, it is a unit of weight to measure diamonds. When speaking of one carat you are in fact speaking of 200 milligrams of weight. The carat itself is made of one hundred particular parts called points. These points in the carat are the ones you refer to when talking about points, for example 150 points in would be one and a half carats.
The clarity of the diamond is a clear indication of its worth, the clearer the better and more expensive. A ideal diamond ring should be flawless, from the outside and the inside, but that would cost a lot of money. The clarity is the factor of the inner quality of the diamond, since during the formation process some inclusions occur in most diamonds you will have to compromise for some kind of decreased clarity .Engagement rings are not expected to be perfect rings, with perfect diamonds, it is normal that a diamond on a engagement ring would not be flawless. To be considered flawless, a diamond must have no surface or internal imperfections visible upon being viewed by a skilled diamond grader using 10 power magnifications.
Carat is the unit of weight by which diamonds are measured. One carat is equal to 200 milligrams. A carat is divided into 100 segments called points. 150 points would equal one and a half carats.
Now that you know the basics of diamonds you can start shopping for the engagement ring, traditional engagement rings have a huge rock (look at the size of this rock!) on them, it is not necessarily the best way to go, try to think of the woman you are buying it for, what is her favorite color, does she have any sensitivity to any kind of metal, what is her opinion of diamonds and how flashy would she like her hand to be.
Do not be afraid to ask the jeweler questions, it is not every day that you will be shopping for an engagement ring, and speak your mind.
Good luck buying your engagement ring, and I wish you a life full of happiness and glitter, just like a brilliant diamond engagement rings has
