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The Truth About Expectations After Marriage
Jeff and Debbie are dating, and things are going very well. So well, in fact, that they are seriously discussing marriage.
Theres just one thing. Debbie does a lot of volunteering with troubled teenagers. Her apartment has become a home away from home for some of the girls, and she wants that to continue after shes married, as well. While Jeff admires Debbies volunteer work and her dedication to the teenagers she helps, he values the privacy of a home, and doesnt want his to turn into a halfway house.
Jeff is sure that, once theyre married, Debbie will see how beautiful it is when a couple saves their time at home for each other and guards their privacy, and will curtail her open-house policy. Debbie, for her part, is sure that once she and Jeff are married, he will see how beautiful it is when a couple gives up some of their privacy in order to help those who are not as fortunate, and will be more than happy to adopt an open-house policy for her teenage friends..
Jeff and Debbie get married.
Four months later, theyre in counseling.
Why?
Because they didnt know the truth that could have saved them:
Never get married expecting your partner to change.
One of the major reasons people are unhappy after they get married is that they expect the person they are dating to change after marriage. Therefore, the most important question to ask yourself when youre dating someone is: Can I live with this person the way they are? If the answer is no, then dont get married. If theres something that you dont like about the person, something that you wish would change in the future, then youd better ask yourself some serious questions because youre setting yourself up for a potential mistake.
People have to be accepted the way they are. If there is something about your dating partner that you dislike or disagree with, and the issue is an important one, realize that whatever it is its here to stay. Dont fool yourself into thinking that youll be able to change them after you get married. Thats the mistake that Jeff and Debbie made, and thats the reason why, just four months after a beautiful wedding, they found themselves in a marriage counselors office.
Does that mean that you and your potential spouse must agree on absolutely everything? Of course not. But you do need to agree on the basics, on the important things that are going to make a difference in your life things like values, lifestyle, religion, your ideas about home and family. If the person youre dating really seems to be the one for you except for one issue, then you can try to reach a compromise that both of you can live with. But if you dont, and you disagree on major issues like these, then youre setting the stage for major conflicts, which are obviously not conducive to a loving marriage.
So remember the sentence that could save your life: Never get married expecting your partner to change.
BONUS : The Ups And Downs Of Marriage
Marriage is a very important phenomenon in human life. It is a tradition of society as well as a healthy concept for basic needs of opposite sex in life. It bounds two people to be life companions and is the foundation of family system of civilization. Often it divides life into parts. Comparisons between before and after marriage derive the three kinds of marriages.
Happy marriage: - Happy marriage is happy marriage in all prospects. Clear understanding, deep love, mutual respect of thoughts, faith, ignorance of silly mistakes and cool temperament towards disputes are the qualities. Such kinds of marriages are always an energy source for the couple. It doesnt matter if the marriage is love-marriage or an arrange one.
Unhappy marriage: - This is the one, which others enjoy more than the couple itself. There may be any reasons for the marriage to be unhappy, but basic thing is the lack of reasons of happy marriage. Such marriages cause negative energy and produce mental depressions and tension. Such marriages are not long lasting, if even than, these lasts, (as happens in some tradition enforced marriages in India, where divorce is a social crime) they are always irritating.
Mandatory marriage: - These are manifesto marriages. Such marriages exist for social pretension. These are found commonly in countries like India, where traditions are very respective and hard. Both or one of the couple, is totally neutral about warmness of marital relation. Society and family matters much more than each other. Such marriage goes very calmly, without expectation or romanticism of any kind. Responsibilities matter a lot instead of relations. Marriage becomes an agreement in such case.
If a marriage is a happy marriage, it is a great source of positive energy. Now-a-days effect of professionalisms is transiting marriages towards agreements. Modern youth has a big population of people not interested in marriage. Live in relation ships and short term agreements of natural need are being popular. As such thought containers think marriage, more of a social responsibilities, than a love based life- long relationship. Arrange marriages are now eliminating or being converted into net-arranged or wedding- planner arranged. Even in such panned marriages, there is an important factor of testifying each other, before marriage. Currently professions are gaining lot more attention than marriages, so marriages are being secondary and late in life. After getting late, marriages become a responsibility, because everyone needs a companion, spatially in latter part of life.
For a well-settled happy life it is almost a necessity for a common human, to have a good family and happy-healthy marriage. In some cases, people decide to avoid marriage or to live alone for life long, as if they are doing something so important, that they can not take an extra responsibility or burden; if they had an irritating family history with parents or in past relation experiences or if they think living freely is what they want in life, so there is no need to attach themselves in expectations.
Some people like their marital life and some not. After all marriage is one of the strongest concepts of human civilization and a very traditional custom. In modern age there may be some rare difference of thoughts, but most of the world, believe marriages to be very important for a happy life. In religious view man and woman are incomplete without each other, system of marriage supports the completion very much. It prevents social crimes and helps in building a healthy social system.
Marriage is a very important phenomenon in human life. It is a tradition of society as well as a healthy concept for basic needs of opposite sex in life. It bounds two people to be life companions and is the foundation of family system of civilization. Often it divides life into parts. Comparisons between before and after marriage derive the three kinds of marriages.
Happy marriage: - Happy marriage is happy marriage in all prospects. Clear understanding, deep love, mutual respect of thoughts, faith, ignorance of silly mistakes and cool temperament towards disputes are the qualities. Such kinds of marriages are always an energy source for the couple. It doesnt matter if the marriage is love-marriage or an arrange one.
Unhappy marriage: - This is the one, which others enjoy more than the couple itself. There may be any reasons for the marriage to be unhappy, but basic thing is the lack of reasons of happy marriage. Such marriages cause negative energy and produce mental depressions and tension. Such marriages are not long lasting, if even than, these lasts, (as happens in some tradition enforced marriages in India, where divorce is a social crime) they are always irritating.
Mandatory marriage: - These are manifesto marriages. Such marriages exist for social pretension. These are found commonly in countries like India, where traditions are very respective and hard. Both or one of the couple, is totally neutral about warmness of marital relation. Society and family matters much more than each other. Such marriage goes very calmly, without expectation or romanticism of any kind. Responsibilities matter a lot instead of relations. Marriage becomes an agreement in such case.
If a marriage is a happy marriage, it is a great source of positive energy. Now-a-days effect of professionalisms is transiting marriages towards agreements. Modern youth has a big population of people not interested in marriage. Live in relation ships and short term agreements of natural need are being popular. As such thought containers think marriage, more of a social responsibilities, than a love based life- long relationship. Arrange marriages are now eliminating or being converted into net-arranged or wedding- planner arranged. Even in such panned marriages, there is an important factor of testifying each other, before marriage. Currently professions are gaining lot more attention than marriages, so marriages are being secondary and late in life. After getting late, marriages become a responsibility, because everyone needs a companion, spatially in latter part of life.
For a well-settled happy life it is almost a necessity for a common human, to have a good family and happy-healthy marriage. In some cases, people decide to avoid marriage or to live alone for life long, as if they are doing something so important, that they can not take an extra responsibility or burden; if they had an irritating family history with parents or in past relation experiences or if they think living freely is what they want in life, so there is no need to attach themselves in expectations.
Some people like their marital life and some not. After all marriage is one of the strongest concepts of human civilization and a very traditional custom. In modern age there may be some rare difference of thoughts, but most of the world, believe marriages to be very important for a happy life. In religious view man and woman are incomplete without each other, system of marriage supports the completion very much. It prevents social crimes and helps in building a healthy social system.
