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Stress And Weddings The Making Of Bridezilla
Surviving Infidelity > > >
Every girl dreams of having the perfect wedding. From childhood we are bombarded these images of perfection in glamorous celebrity weddings whose unlimited budgets are reflected in the designer gowns, lavish jewelry, multitude of guests, and sumptuous buffet. For example, take Lady Diana Spencer's wedding to the Prince of Wales in 1981. During the so-called wedding of the century, she wore a designer dress with a long train that cascaded down the aisle of Westminster Abbey with matching velvet shoes adorned with diamond buckles. It seemed to us like a fairy tale come true---a princess has finally found her prince.
And so from these images we begin building our own vision of the perfect wedding. Whether large or small, we visualize every detail of this fantastic event, from the exact shade of white for the gowns to the particular recipe we want to use for the dessert course. For some women, the need to make everything about the day perfect has turned many a lovely bride into a creature known as Bridezilla. Bridezillas make an already stressful time in their lives even more stressful. And when the bride is stressed, everyone around her becomes stressed as well. These creatures subsist on nothing but their wedding plans and expect those around them to do the same. The lives of Bridezilla's friends and family depend on whether or not she gets what she wants, no matter how expensive or impractical it is. God help anyone who makes a mistake or tells her that she can't have what she wants, because she will eat you alive.
So what fuels the rage of Bridezilla? Stress.
Planning a wedding, especially large ones, can be difficult. Many brides also have to contend with meddling family members, budget constraints and time pressure along with the usual demands of daily life such as a job and/or children. Some women can handle the pressure, but others cannot and it manifests in psychological or physical ways. Bridezillas can be susceptible to mood swings, hysteria and irrational behavior which begins to affect the other parts of her life. But it is possible to avoid becoming a Bridezilla and having a stress-free wedding by following these tips:
1. Stop obsessing over the little details. In their quest to plan the perfect wedding, many brides forget that its the ceremony itself that's important, not the trimmings. There's no need to get into debt to create the perfect wedding. Spend your money where it counts. Money is one of the most powerful stress triggers, but careful spending will go a long way in easing your worries. Remember that some things in life are free.
2. Compromise. There is great wisdom in the saying, ÂTwo heads are better than one. Remember that you can't do it alone and that you don't have the monopoly on good ideas. Be open for suggestions. Ask your groom if he has any special requests that can be incorporated to the ceremony.
3. Delegate. Some family members may feel that they have the right to meddle with your wedding plans, which often leads to many arguments and tears. This creates an atmosphere of tension that can be extremely tedious and stressful. Try setting a specific task to each person and let them know that you appreciate their help. Deal with these people firmly and with diplomacy and make sure that they understand that you and your groom have the final say in all matters pertaining to the wedding. If all else fails, consider hiring a wedding planner.
4. Get organized. It pays to do a little research before purchasing a service or item for the wedding. Try attending a wedding-themed trade fair or similar gatherings for more inspiration. Keep a notebook and calendar for matters pertaining to the wedding, detailing what has been done and what else needs to be done.
5. Take time off from the wedding frenzy. Go away for the weekend with your groom, or treat your self to a spa date with your friends. Do what helps you to relax and during that time, avoid discussing or even thinking of your wedding plans. Stepping back helps you regain a new perspective on the matter and lessens your level of stress.
6. Let it go. There are just some things we can't control, like the weather. Focus on what you can control, and maintain a sense of humor. Laughing greatly increases your body's release of endorphins, engendering a sense of wellbeing and decreasing stress levels.
Surviving Infidelity > > >
BONUS : Surviving Infidelity
Learning about your spouseÂs affair is one of the most life changing events youÂll ever have to cope with. The initial mental and physical pain can be more than most people feel they can bear.
Debbie found that the shock left her feeling completely suicidal, in such an emotional state that she just couldnÂt see an end to the raging emotions of sheer loathing, humiliation, defeat and despair. She couldnÂt visualize surviving the infidelity.
"After weeks of trying to come to terms with the shock of my husband confessing to having an affair, I tried to face up to the news and move on with my life but I just couldnÂt get over the feelings of hate, shock, rage, fear and utter betrayal.
I really hated my husband, the Âother woman and myself for what had become of our marriage. I found myself wanting to kill him one minute and trying to understand why he had done it the next. I didnÂt know what to do or where to turn. I had no idea as to whether I wanted to save my marriage or not but I was totally unprepared for life on my own.
I felt so alone, half dead, totally humiliated, defeated and betrayed and found I just couldnÂt move on without seeking help and learning that there was a way to move forward and get my life and my marriage back on track"
Because of the emotional roller coaster infidelity puts couples through, talking about the details in the early stage only reinforces the negative feelings that they already have. It will not help either the cheater or the cheated partner to cope with the situation nor will it help you move forward.
The first discussion will always be the most difficult one, when itÂs so easy for things to get totally out of hand. If the marriage is to be saved both partners need to be emotionally prepared, rational and calm. It is unrealistic to expect partners to be able to work together in the early days when neither party is capable of entering into any form of rational discussion.
The cheated partner will want immediate answers to why the affair occurred, if they loved the person they were having an affair with, did it mean anything and how long it had been going on. They will want to know why they werenÂt enough, was it the only one and will wonder if they can trust their partner again. They need to take control of these emotions before they should enter into any form of discussion and before they can make any progress towards surviving infidelity or even half way consider trying to save the marriage.
Many people go to marriage counselors terrified, not knowing what to do, unable to get the images of their partner in someone elseÂs bed out of their mind, not knowing if their partner still loves them and feeling totally worthless and insecure. They have to get over that initial hurdle before they can move on, start piecing everything together and even consider trying to rebuild the marriage. What is said and done in those early stages is critical to surviving infidelity and will form the foundation of any new relationship which evolves.
Most people do not have the skills to work through their problems without getting emotional and cannot get beyond what has happened in the past so cannot look towards the future. It is so easy in the early discussions, when the most positive work towards recovering the relationship needs to be done, to get sucked into battles over what has happened. It is hard to push emotional feelings to one side and calmly discuss such a betrayal.
However, after the initial shock and once emotions have calmed down the most critcal thing to do is to talk, listen and try and understand what has happened, why it happened and how to move forward. Only after some kind of understanding have occurred can the cheated partner even consider any kind of foregiveness, but if initial contact is controlled, and approached in the right way, not jumping in with all guns blazing, marriages can and often do survive infidelity and become stronger because of it.
That is why spending time learning how to control your emotions and trying to understand the situation from your partnerÂs point of view is vital if you want to save your marriage.
It is during this stage that you will find out why the affair happened, if it meant anything and what problems there were in your relationship. It is not until the all the cards have been laid on the table can couples even begin to try to put right what has gone wrong and move on with their lives.
As with most marital issues communication and understanding is critical to surviving infidelity.
Learning about your spouseÂs affair is one of the most life changing events youÂll ever have to cope with. The initial mental and physical pain can be more than most people feel they can bear.
Debbie found that the shock left her feeling completely suicidal, in such an emotional state that she just couldnÂt see an end to the raging emotions of sheer loathing, humiliation, defeat and despair. She couldnÂt visualize surviving the infidelity.
"After weeks of trying to come to terms with the shock of my husband confessing to having an affair, I tried to face up to the news and move on with my life but I just couldnÂt get over the feelings of hate, shock, rage, fear and utter betrayal.
I really hated my husband, the Âother woman and myself for what had become of our marriage. I found myself wanting to kill him one minute and trying to understand why he had done it the next. I didnÂt know what to do or where to turn. I had no idea as to whether I wanted to save my marriage or not but I was totally unprepared for life on my own.
I felt so alone, half dead, totally humiliated, defeated and betrayed and found I just couldnÂt move on without seeking help and learning that there was a way to move forward and get my life and my marriage back on track"
Because of the emotional roller coaster infidelity puts couples through, talking about the details in the early stage only reinforces the negative feelings that they already have. It will not help either the cheater or the cheated partner to cope with the situation nor will it help you move forward.
The first discussion will always be the most difficult one, when itÂs so easy for things to get totally out of hand. If the marriage is to be saved both partners need to be emotionally prepared, rational and calm. It is unrealistic to expect partners to be able to work together in the early days when neither party is capable of entering into any form of rational discussion.
The cheated partner will want immediate answers to why the affair occurred, if they loved the person they were having an affair with, did it mean anything and how long it had been going on. They will want to know why they werenÂt enough, was it the only one and will wonder if they can trust their partner again. They need to take control of these emotions before they should enter into any form of discussion and before they can make any progress towards surviving infidelity or even half way consider trying to save the marriage.
Many people go to marriage counselors terrified, not knowing what to do, unable to get the images of their partner in someone elseÂs bed out of their mind, not knowing if their partner still loves them and feeling totally worthless and insecure. They have to get over that initial hurdle before they can move on, start piecing everything together and even consider trying to rebuild the marriage. What is said and done in those early stages is critical to surviving infidelity and will form the foundation of any new relationship which evolves.
Most people do not have the skills to work through their problems without getting emotional and cannot get beyond what has happened in the past so cannot look towards the future. It is so easy in the early discussions, when the most positive work towards recovering the relationship needs to be done, to get sucked into battles over what has happened. It is hard to push emotional feelings to one side and calmly discuss such a betrayal.
However, after the initial shock and once emotions have calmed down the most critcal thing to do is to talk, listen and try and understand what has happened, why it happened and how to move forward. Only after some kind of understanding have occurred can the cheated partner even consider any kind of foregiveness, but if initial contact is controlled, and approached in the right way, not jumping in with all guns blazing, marriages can and often do survive infidelity and become stronger because of it.
That is why spending time learning how to control your emotions and trying to understand the situation from your partnerÂs point of view is vital if you want to save your marriage.
It is during this stage that you will find out why the affair happened, if it meant anything and what problems there were in your relationship. It is not until the all the cards have been laid on the table can couples even begin to try to put right what has gone wrong and move on with their lives.
As with most marital issues communication and understanding is critical to surviving infidelity.
