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Six Easy Steps For Writing A Personal Wedding Song To Your Wife
Husbands can create a loving environment and successful marriage by showing their wives how much they are loved and cherished. In his ground-breaking book, "Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars," John Gray outlined the important differences between men and women. One of his key findings is that wives love to be touched and held. Wives love to be told, in a gentle and humble way, how important they are to their husbands. One of the most touching ways that a husband can show honor and respect to his wife is to write a personal wedding song for her. No matter if a husband has been married for a month or longer than 50 years, he can renew his marriage every day with a personal wedding song.
What me sing? No way! most husbands may say. I cant carry a tune, let alone do a solo. While it may seem challenging, a personal wedding song is simply a love poem set to music. I know from personal experience of writing, recording and singing a wedding song to my wife, that it can be done. When I started, I had no guidance, just a gut intuition. All it takes to get started is to know what steps to take and then take the first step. Here are six steps every husband can take to show his wife what a treasure she is.
Step One. Acknowledge Your Wife
Write down five attributes that you love about your wife and admire her for. What five would you choose? Is she, an excellent listener, your best friend? Does she have a friendly and warm smile or a hilarious sense of humor? Does she love to surprise you? If you can list ten or more things, all the better.
Step Two: Write Down the Special Things She Loves
What does your wife treasure? My wife Cheryl loves purple, she loves to hold hands and be hugged, she is very action oriented, she is so thoughtful, she never forgets a family members birthday. She loves greeting cards, music, plays, going out to dinner. She is very wise about relationships. A personal wedding song should focus on what is unique and special to your wife and your relationship.
Step Three: Put Yourself and Your Feelings into the Song
I wrote a personal wedding song for my wife after 14 years of marriage. I titled it Song of Our Marriage. I wrote a touching refrain that honored her with a title, her role in my life and what that has done for me. The lyrics to the refrain go like this:
Teacher of wisdom, youve shown me Gods face, your strength is gentle and fine as white lace. You listen with heart strings that sing out a song, its your love that makes me feel strong.
Using your list in Step 2, choose several of your wifes best traits and write down what they mean to you. If you need help with rhyming, you can get a Rhyming Dictionary. Or you can read books of poems or search the Internet through a Google Search to get a starter idea. Make sure to personalize your words, though, so that they come from your heart. You want to be authentic; a cheap copy of someone else passed off as your own may work against you.
Step Four: Make It Simple: Two Verses and a Refrain (more if you can)
Make your personal wedding song easy to sing, but unique to your wife. For example, remember the poems that start, Roses are red, violets are blue? You can expand that phrase into a verse, like:
"Roses are red, violets are blue,
I cant see myself living without you.
You are my wife, the crown of my life,
my life would be empty without you.
Step Five: Use a Familiar Tune for the Music
Did you know that is acceptable to "borrow" a melody (as long as you dont sell it or claim it as your own) for your personal wedding song? In fact, if your wife has a special song that she likes, you might learn how to write lyrics that go along with it. If you get serious, you could find a musician or studio to help. When I wrote Song of Our Marriage, I figured out the melody by humming it, plunking out the keys on a piano and then finding a studio that produced the accompaniment. Use the Internet to find someone who can help. With downloadable MP3 files, you can actually produce a song on your PC.
Step Six: Sing the Song to Your Wife and Frame the Lyrics
Now comes the most important part the delivery. Dont write a personal wedding song and then stick it in your golf bag. Perform it for your wife. Record it. Frame the lyrics and hang the song in your bedroom or kitchen. For Song of Our Marriage, I created even a photo album with pictures of my wife in Lilac Park, in Disney World, with her friends, and more in several sections. Each section of the album reflected the verse and refrain from the personal wedding song.
There you have it, six steps to writing a personal wedding song for your wife. It takes work. If I can do it, you can do it too. Go ahead, take a risk. Your wife will be deeply moved by your touching gift and care for her.
BONUS : Six Repair Tools For Your Marriage
Rudy and Marjorie were on the verge of divorce. Married 12 years, they had constant verbal battles ending in what therapists call call emotional disengagement meaning that they simply ignored each other for days on end.
Emotionally, they were simmering inside and also lonely for each other, but were unable to reach out and communicate these feelings. They were in a cold war with both waiting for the other to make the first move to melt the icy atmosphere.
This couple suffers a common marital maladylack of skills to repair emotional damage done to each other. According to marital research, almost all couples fight; what often separates the "masters" of marriage from the disasters of marriage is the ability to repair the subsequent damage.
Acquiring good repair skills gives the couple a way to recover from the mistakes they may have made. These repair skills provide afix for the damage caused in attempting to communicate to each other other in a way that caused emotional hurt to one or both of them.
It is common for partners to make relationship mistakes - after all, anyone can have a bad day, be under too much stress or just use poor judgment in dealing with a situation. Rather than emotinally disengaging from each other or staying angry, try to "fix it" if you are the offender.
And if you are the receiver of the damage, your challenge is to find a way to accept your partners repair attempt that is, to see your partners repair attempt as an effort to make things better.
REPAIR TOOL Tool #1apologize
A simple sincere and heartfelt apology can sometimes do wonders for a relationship, especially if your partner sees you as a person who never admits they are wrong or at fault.
Say things like: "Im sorry; I apologize;What I did was really stupid; I dontknow what got into me."
REPAIR Tool #2confide feelings.
Be honest and share the feelings that are underneath the anger such as fear, embarrassment, or insecurity. Your partner may respond to you quite differently if they see those other emotions, instead of just the anger.Confiding what is in your heart and in your mind can make a huge difference in promoting understanding, closeness, and intimacy.
Say things like: "I was really afraid for our daughter when I got so angry;I didnt want to hurt you; I just lost my cool."
REPAIR TOOL #3acknowledge partners point of view.
This doesnt mean you have to agree with it; just acknowledging it can decrease tension and conflict because it shows your partner you are at least listening to them. It also demonstrates empathythe ability to see things from their vantage point instead of only yours.
Say things like: "I can see what you mean; I never looked at it that way."
REPAIR TOOL #4accept some ofthe responsibility for the conflict.
Very few conflicts are 100% the fault of either partner. Instead, most conflicts are like a dance with both of you making moves to contribute to the problem. Inability to accept any responsibility is a sign of defensiveness rather than the openness required for good communication.
Say things like: "I shouldn't have done what I did; I guess we both blew it; I can understand why you reacted to me that way."
REPAIR TOOL #5find common ground.
Focus on the issue at hand and what you have in common rather than your differences. For instance, you might both agree that raising healthy children is a common goal even though you differ in parenting styles.
Say things like: "We seem to both have the same goal here; we dont agree on methods but we both want the same outcome."
REPAIR TOOL #6commit to improve behavior.
Im sorry doesnt cut it if you continually repeat the offensive behavior. Backup words with action. Show concrete evidence that you will try to change.
Say things like: "I promise to get up a half hour earlier from nowon; Ill call if Im going to be late; Ill only have two drinks at the party and then stop."
Rudy and Marjorie were on the verge of divorce. Married 12 years, they had constant verbal battles ending in what therapists call call emotional disengagement meaning that they simply ignored each other for days on end.
Emotionally, they were simmering inside and also lonely for each other, but were unable to reach out and communicate these feelings. They were in a cold war with both waiting for the other to make the first move to melt the icy atmosphere.
This couple suffers a common marital maladylack of skills to repair emotional damage done to each other. According to marital research, almost all couples fight; what often separates the "masters" of marriage from the disasters of marriage is the ability to repair the subsequent damage.
Acquiring good repair skills gives the couple a way to recover from the mistakes they may have made. These repair skills provide afix for the damage caused in attempting to communicate to each other other in a way that caused emotional hurt to one or both of them.
It is common for partners to make relationship mistakes - after all, anyone can have a bad day, be under too much stress or just use poor judgment in dealing with a situation. Rather than emotinally disengaging from each other or staying angry, try to "fix it" if you are the offender.
And if you are the receiver of the damage, your challenge is to find a way to accept your partners repair attempt that is, to see your partners repair attempt as an effort to make things better.
REPAIR TOOL Tool #1apologize
A simple sincere and heartfelt apology can sometimes do wonders for a relationship, especially if your partner sees you as a person who never admits they are wrong or at fault.
Say things like: "Im sorry; I apologize;What I did was really stupid; I dontknow what got into me."
REPAIR Tool #2confide feelings.
Be honest and share the feelings that are underneath the anger such as fear, embarrassment, or insecurity. Your partner may respond to you quite differently if they see those other emotions, instead of just the anger.Confiding what is in your heart and in your mind can make a huge difference in promoting understanding, closeness, and intimacy.
Say things like: "I was really afraid for our daughter when I got so angry;I didnt want to hurt you; I just lost my cool."
REPAIR TOOL #3acknowledge partners point of view.
This doesnt mean you have to agree with it; just acknowledging it can decrease tension and conflict because it shows your partner you are at least listening to them. It also demonstrates empathythe ability to see things from their vantage point instead of only yours.
Say things like: "I can see what you mean; I never looked at it that way."
REPAIR TOOL #4accept some ofthe responsibility for the conflict.
Very few conflicts are 100% the fault of either partner. Instead, most conflicts are like a dance with both of you making moves to contribute to the problem. Inability to accept any responsibility is a sign of defensiveness rather than the openness required for good communication.
Say things like: "I shouldn't have done what I did; I guess we both blew it; I can understand why you reacted to me that way."
REPAIR TOOL #5find common ground.
Focus on the issue at hand and what you have in common rather than your differences. For instance, you might both agree that raising healthy children is a common goal even though you differ in parenting styles.
Say things like: "We seem to both have the same goal here; we dont agree on methods but we both want the same outcome."
REPAIR TOOL #6commit to improve behavior.
Im sorry doesnt cut it if you continually repeat the offensive behavior. Backup words with action. Show concrete evidence that you will try to change.
Say things like: "I promise to get up a half hour earlier from nowon; Ill call if Im going to be late; Ill only have two drinks at the party and then stop."
