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Save Marriage Advice
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For many marriages in a crisis, one of the common patterns that likely contributed to the situation is that of not being able to handle conflict effectively. And that starts with being able to talk calmly. When it comes to save marriage advice, following is some excellent advice on how to have difficult conversations with your spouse without damaging your relationship in the process. Couples who get caught up in yelling, name calling, venting or verbally attacking each other inevitably wind up in divorce court. Read further for ways to talk to each other without losing control.
Decide up front what you want to accomplish by talking. Do you just want to allow each person to express feelings? Do you want to come up with a solution? It helps to have a goal before you start when it is a difficult topic.
Avoid blame. Learning to not get caught up in blame is sound save marriage advice regardless of the situation. Blame accomplishes nothing and is always destructive. Make steering clear of blame one of the rules for your conversations.
Allow for time outs. When you are discussing painful or difficult topics, it is inevitable that someones is going to feel the need to react at some point. Rather than staying in the conversation until that happens, be willing to take a time out to cool down. And be willing to let your spouse do the same thing when needed. This will prevent the conversation from escalating into a full blown fight in which hurtful things end up being said. This is also very good save marriage advice to follow when emotions run high.
Dont get caught up in being right. In many situations, neither person is right or wrong. But if one of you insists on being right, it will quickly turn into a futile conversation.
Allow each other to speak without interrupting. When you interrupt someone who is talking, you are basically giving the message that what you have to say is far more important than whatever the other person is saying. A lot of people have this bad habit when they talk. And it is very disrespectful. It is very good save marriage advice to work towards really allowing each other to speak and be heard. Catch yourself when you start to interrupt. With practice, this is a bad habit both of you can break.
Accept that you wont always agree on everything. This is definitely very wise save marriage advice! No two people in the world, no matter how much they love each other, are always going to agree. The sooner you can accept that in your marriage, the better all your conversations will be, especially the difficult ones. Also, it will show a lot of respect to your partner if you allow him or her to have an opinion that is different to yours. That is part of recognizing that he is a separate person with his own unique perspective.
The last piece of good save marriage advice for having difficult conversations is to avoid all-or-nothing types of statements. When you start using extreme words such as never or always you are just getting yourself into hot water. Catch yourself when you use one of the words and revise the statement. You will save both yourself and your spouse a lot of grief when you remember that there is a lot in between those two extremes.
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Save Marriage Alone > > >
BONUS : Save Marriage Alone
Marriage is often not easy. A successful marriage takes work, dedication, sacrifice, and compromise. But in some marriages, especially when serious problems arise or a crisis hits, you may feel you are the one who has to save marriage alone. This is particularly true if you have a spouse who has emotionally checked out or who is unwilling to communicate or work on the problems.
That being said, no matter what the situation the pressure really is on you to save marriage alone. The reason for this is twofold:
1) The only person in the marriage you have the power to change is you. You simply cannot change another person, even your spouse, no matter how much you want to.
2) If you make changes you spouse will inevitably change also. The reason for this is because when you change, the relationship dynamics change. This will require your spouse to adjust in one way or the other.
If you make changes wisely and carefully, your spouse may end up making some very positive changes also, and it will no longer feel like you had to save marriage alone after all.
Whenever there is a conflict in a relationship of any kind, the best thing you can do is ask yourself how you may be contributing. Relationship problems are rarely due to just one person. For example, if your spouse is treating you badly, you must ask yourself why its happening. Maybe your spouse really is a jerk, but if this has been going on a long time, it is because you are allowing it.
Dr. Phil, who has helped thousands of people in the course of his career, has stated it very well: We teach people how to treat us. That is a powerful truth. If you need to save marriage alone you must ask yourself what things you are doing that have taught your spouse to react to you or treat you in certain ways.
If you feel you are unworthy of being treated with respect, then people are often not going to treat you with respect. Somewhere along the way you have given your spouse the message that it is okay to treat you badly. Even if you have gotten upset, told him you didnt like it, cried, or even thrown things at him, the fact that it continues to happen is because in one way or another, you are allowing it.
Now, this doesnt mean you are the cause of your spouses bad behavior in any way. He is responsible for his actions. You are only responsible for your reaction as well as your attitude. But if you desire to save marriage alone, you must begin making changes in your reaction and / or your attitude. If what youve been doing up until now hasnt worked, then to continue doing the same thing is futile. You need to do something different.
You have much more power to save marriage alone than you probably realize. By changing your attitudes, behaviors and reactions in the relationship, you will find that those changes will impact your marriage. The trick is in determining which ones will bring about the positive changes you desire. It may be that you need to seek the help of a skilled therapist to determine what changes will be the most beneficial. But there is hope, even when you must save marriage alone, as long as you are willing to make some changes first.
Marriage is often not easy. A successful marriage takes work, dedication, sacrifice, and compromise. But in some marriages, especially when serious problems arise or a crisis hits, you may feel you are the one who has to save marriage alone. This is particularly true if you have a spouse who has emotionally checked out or who is unwilling to communicate or work on the problems.
That being said, no matter what the situation the pressure really is on you to save marriage alone. The reason for this is twofold:
1) The only person in the marriage you have the power to change is you. You simply cannot change another person, even your spouse, no matter how much you want to.
2) If you make changes you spouse will inevitably change also. The reason for this is because when you change, the relationship dynamics change. This will require your spouse to adjust in one way or the other.
If you make changes wisely and carefully, your spouse may end up making some very positive changes also, and it will no longer feel like you had to save marriage alone after all.
Whenever there is a conflict in a relationship of any kind, the best thing you can do is ask yourself how you may be contributing. Relationship problems are rarely due to just one person. For example, if your spouse is treating you badly, you must ask yourself why its happening. Maybe your spouse really is a jerk, but if this has been going on a long time, it is because you are allowing it.
Dr. Phil, who has helped thousands of people in the course of his career, has stated it very well: We teach people how to treat us. That is a powerful truth. If you need to save marriage alone you must ask yourself what things you are doing that have taught your spouse to react to you or treat you in certain ways.
If you feel you are unworthy of being treated with respect, then people are often not going to treat you with respect. Somewhere along the way you have given your spouse the message that it is okay to treat you badly. Even if you have gotten upset, told him you didnt like it, cried, or even thrown things at him, the fact that it continues to happen is because in one way or another, you are allowing it.
Now, this doesnt mean you are the cause of your spouses bad behavior in any way. He is responsible for his actions. You are only responsible for your reaction as well as your attitude. But if you desire to save marriage alone, you must begin making changes in your reaction and / or your attitude. If what youve been doing up until now hasnt worked, then to continue doing the same thing is futile. You need to do something different.
You have much more power to save marriage alone than you probably realize. By changing your attitudes, behaviors and reactions in the relationship, you will find that those changes will impact your marriage. The trick is in determining which ones will bring about the positive changes you desire. It may be that you need to seek the help of a skilled therapist to determine what changes will be the most beneficial. But there is hope, even when you must save marriage alone, as long as you are willing to make some changes first.
