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Marriage Saving Advice Have A Soul Connection With Your Spouse E
Many of us realize that marriage is not the easiest relationship in the world, but why is it so hard? Unless we adopt children, the only relatives that we get to choose are our spouses. Seems like it should work out, right? We can not change our parents or choose new siblings, but marriage-- ahh that's a whole different thing.
Marriage brings out the best and the worst in a person's character and shows us what we are capable of doing, both positive and negative. This special relationship challenges our mental, spiritual, social, and physical selves. Unfortunately, the natural human reaction to hard or stressful situations is fight or flight.
So after a few major disagreements with a spouse, frustrated partners second guess their initial decision to wed. The wheels start turning, and the flight response to the stressful situation becomes more and more attractive.
But what can you do if the fires of passion have burned out and only angry ones remain? How can you keep your soul connection with your spouse even during times of conflict?
1. Have confidence in the decision that you have made. Then realize that just like you wouldn't normally divorce your mom or dad when they get on your last nerve, divorcing your spouse shouldn't be the first thing that comes to mind when he/she annoys or disappoints you you repeatedly. I know it's hard, but it's a key factor in the success of your marriage.
2. If God is not at the center of your relationship, consider welcoming Him into the situation. To start, only one spouse needs to make this decision, but it's best if both of you are on the same page. Praying together, and as individuals, can provide a solid foundation for your marriage and give you greater insight into what concerns your partner the most.
You can start with your own words or with a few books on prayer. A book that has been helpful for me, and numerous people I know, has been, Stormie Omartian: Power of a Praying Wife. The book covers everything from finances and career to sexuality, affection and emotions. It shows wives how to pray for their husbands even if they feel like they don't have the words. And it gives excellent advice for channeling frustration, hurt or anger into productive energy.
If you are a husband, try Power of a Praying Husband. Stormie enlists the help of her husband and other men for insight and wisdom in writing this book.
3. Make mutual respect a priority in your communication. If you find yourselves attacking each other personally, instead of discussing the pros and cons of a particular decision or action, then take a step back to reevaluate the situation. Choose words that reaffirm while getting your point across. For example, instead of saying: "I hate it when you don't make time to be with me... the kids... etc." TRY "Remember when we did XYZ? That was so much fun and the kids loved it too. Want to do it again?" SPOUSE'S REPLY HERE "Great! What date works for you?"
Additionally, don't let other family members--kids, in-laws, steps, exes cloud your communication with each other. When they want to butt in, *respectfully* tell them to butt out. Then re-prioritize and refocus your attention on each other.
4. Listen even if you feel like you've heard the same statement hashed over and over again. Sometimes venting is necessary, and if your spouse can't release his/her mental baggage with you, to whom will they voice their concerns? The lack of listening skills in marriage is one reason emotional infidelity gets started in the first place. If you take the time to listen now, you can avoid the headaches and heartaches associated with these extramarital relationships.
5. Start a ritual just for the two of you. Ideally, you'll both take time out to do it every day or a few times a week. Engaging in ritual behavior, like sharing coffee, watching funny movies together or taking walks, gives you something to look forward to and can help you build intimacy.
6. Consider an organized marriage retreat. Retreats are great because, the facilitators give couples helpful tools for communicating, relating and often mating. You'll see other couples who are going through the same challenges, and you'll have time to focus solely on your relationship. No work, no kids/in-laws, no well-meaning friends, and no focusing on the ills of life.
7. Finally, make a point to get away every once in a while. This idea dovetails from the previous suggestion, but this time you and your honey will be alone. Whether you get your kids out of the house for a weekend or you book a seven day vacation to the Bahamas, it is necessary for you and your husband or wife to have extended alone time without any distractions.
These are just a few suggestions to help you renew the soul connection with your spouse. When http://married4good.com/ officially launches in November, we'll have tons of articles and resources on the site to help you build a solid relationship. Make sure to visit us and get additional ideas for strengthening your marriage.
BONUS : Marriage Should Not Be A Compromise
Everyone has heard the old adage that marriage is all about compromise. That should not always be the case, though! Every issue should not be about compromise or your marriage will seem like a constant business negotiation, and someone will always feel slightly cheated. This can lead to resentment and bitterness. While many issues in marriage do require a great deal of compromise, sometimes you should just give in. In other words, pick your battles wisely.
Each spouse in a marriage should not be giving 50% all of the time. That is only half of what you have to give. You should be giving your all, 100%, all of the time. Then, you both will be giving your marriage all of your commitment and effort. While meeting halfway in the name of compromise is important, you should be willing to give in at times as well, for the sake of your spouses happiness.
Romance isnt really romance when its only convenient for you or your partner. Romantic holidays or occasions such as St. Valentines Day or birthdays are only truly romantic if you go think of them the rest of the year. That doesnt mean spending a lot of money, either. Offer to stop on the way home to pick something up for dinner. Drop your spouse off and pick him or her up at the airport for business trips. Pitch in with the housework, cooking, and childcare without being asked to.
Instead of mulling over how to be romantic, simply do it. Romance is in the little gestures. If you spend too much time thinking about it, you will constantly talk yourself out of it. You will worry about rejection, and be afraid that your gesture will go unnoticed. Dont think about it, just do it!
The first step in becoming more romantic is by listening to your spouse. Not just listening to what they want, but listening to their successes, their failures, their feelings. By listening to your spouse with your eyes and ears and heart, you will show that person how committed you are to him or her. That deed will not go unnoticed! You will get an in-depth look into your spouses soul, and will know exactly what to do to keep the romance alive with him or her. Being supportive and thoughtful will give you the opportunity to fall in love all over again.
Everyone has heard the old adage that marriage is all about compromise. That should not always be the case, though! Every issue should not be about compromise or your marriage will seem like a constant business negotiation, and someone will always feel slightly cheated. This can lead to resentment and bitterness. While many issues in marriage do require a great deal of compromise, sometimes you should just give in. In other words, pick your battles wisely.
Each spouse in a marriage should not be giving 50% all of the time. That is only half of what you have to give. You should be giving your all, 100%, all of the time. Then, you both will be giving your marriage all of your commitment and effort. While meeting halfway in the name of compromise is important, you should be willing to give in at times as well, for the sake of your spouses happiness.
Romance isnt really romance when its only convenient for you or your partner. Romantic holidays or occasions such as St. Valentines Day or birthdays are only truly romantic if you go think of them the rest of the year. That doesnt mean spending a lot of money, either. Offer to stop on the way home to pick something up for dinner. Drop your spouse off and pick him or her up at the airport for business trips. Pitch in with the housework, cooking, and childcare without being asked to.
Instead of mulling over how to be romantic, simply do it. Romance is in the little gestures. If you spend too much time thinking about it, you will constantly talk yourself out of it. You will worry about rejection, and be afraid that your gesture will go unnoticed. Dont think about it, just do it!
The first step in becoming more romantic is by listening to your spouse. Not just listening to what they want, but listening to their successes, their failures, their feelings. By listening to your spouse with your eyes and ears and heart, you will show that person how committed you are to him or her. That deed will not go unnoticed! You will get an in-depth look into your spouses soul, and will know exactly what to do to keep the romance alive with him or her. Being supportive and thoughtful will give you the opportunity to fall in love all over again.
