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Making Visitation Easier For The Kids
Switching between Mom's house and Dad's house can be difficult and stressful for children, but the manner that parents approach transition times can have a big impact on how children react. It is important for parents to realize that children have worries, concerns, hopes and fears about the divorce or separation, and times of visitation can often bring a lot of those concerns to the surface, especially if there is conflict between parents.
Research very clearly shows that the amount of conflict that children are exposed to before, during and after the divorce determines how well children will adjust to the divorce. If the conflict continues or gets worse during visitation times, or any other time, children are more likely to have emotional and behavioral problems. Children that see parents being civil and respectful of each other are more likely to feel loved, secure and safe and are less likely to have ongoing emotional or behavioral problems.
There are some strategies that parents can use to make visitation easier for children. Remember that the more strategies you use, the more beneficial it will be to your children.
1. Speak positively about the other parent and the time that children will spend with the other parent. For example " I know that you are going to have a great weekend with your Dad because he has special plans", is much more positive than "I know you don't want to go, but the court papers say you have too". In the first sample the child is clearly hearing that you know Dad is a fun person to be with, and has spent some time planning a great weekend.
2. Have the child ready to go on time, and be on time to pick-up the child or children. If you need the children to have a particular item, make sure you tell the other parent so they can be ready, rather than scrambling around at the last minute.
3. Avoid discussing any sensitive topics during the pick-up or drop-off of the kids. Make it short and positive, and don't be tempted to discuss problems or concerns at this time. Remember that this is a tough time for the children, and parent conflict or emotional tension will just make it worse.
4. Keep basic supplies at both houses. Avoid having to pack a suitcase for the children, rather have socks, underwear, pj's, shampoo, toothbrush, toothpaste, brushes and other personal items at both houses. This helps children understand that they have two homes, not just one home and a place to visit.
5. Avoid using the term "visitation" or "access" with your children. This is a court term, not a child-friendly phrase. Try saying "This is your weekend to spend time with Mom" rather than "This is Mom's visitation time".
6. Let the children know that they can call you to say goodnight or just to talk. Avoid calling over to the other parent's house as this can be seen as a sign of distrust. Rather allow the kids to call you, or perhaps arrange a time that you can phone over to say goodnight if the children are too young to use the phone.
Children love to spend time with both parents, and making visitation easier on the kids is one way that parents can begin to work together in their role as coparents to the children.
BONUS : Marital Problems - People Rarely Change
If youre relationship is struggling and marital problems are beginning to intrude into your everyday life then now is the time to put a stop to it, decide if what you perceive to be marital problems are really that much of an issue and if so do something about it.
Relationships are never perfect and some appear less perfect than others but just because you dont always see eye to eye and just because you have let the relationship slide it doesnt mean to say that you werent meant to be together.
Marital problems become a head at some point in most relationships with the stresses and strains of every day life making it hard to enjoy quality time with your partner. Without intimate moments, little treats and romantic evenings that help your relationship feel magical and special, couples tend to naturally loose that bond that bought them together and start to question the state of their marriage. If you have begun to doubt your relationship, dont panic, even if your marital problems have reached a new height and you are beginning to feel that your marriage is a shell with nothing left to recover, with the right advice and a little positive determination you can save your marriage.
There is nothing wrong with having negative feelings about your partner, like you, they arent perfect, we all make mistakes, we all have our off days and we are just what we are. That doesnt mean to say you have to like and appreciate everything about your partner, you just have to focus on what bought you together in the first place, love them for what they are, appreciate the good points and accept the bad and acknowledge that no one is perfect.
Marriage is all about teamwork, there is no point expecting one partner to take care of the finances, for example, if they are useless with money and then get upset when the bank account is empty half way through the month. If they are useless at finances now the odds are they have always been that way, that is what you married and you just have to learn to work around it, not focus on it and not let it eat you away inside.
I was speaking to someone the other day who is due to get married in a few months. He was getting really wound up over something his fiancé had done. The trouble was she was acting exactly as she always does, no different so if it is going to let it wind him up now what is the point of getting married in the first place!! People rarely change, she will probably always react to situations in the same way, its there at the start so unless her husband to be can learn to accept it and not get wound up they will struggle with marital problems almost from the outset.
You have to enter into marriage with your eyes open. Emotional intimacy and marital bonds develop over time with partners generally being drawn together as they journey through life. Your partner becomes your sole mate, the person you rely on and the person that is there for you whenever you need them but they dont change!
Dont let common marriage problems get you down, do something about them, it doesnt matter what has happened, or how it happened, you have to learn to tackle it marital problems head on. Dont wait for someone else to sort it out, there is only you and your partner in the marriage, no matter what has happened and what either you have done when it comes down to deciding if you can and if you want to save your marriage then no one else counts.
You have the power at your finger tips, even if your partner isnt motivated to do anything about it, with the right marriage advice you can resolve your marital problems, make decisions, sort out your life and save your marriage.
If youre relationship is struggling and marital problems are beginning to intrude into your everyday life then now is the time to put a stop to it, decide if what you perceive to be marital problems are really that much of an issue and if so do something about it.
Relationships are never perfect and some appear less perfect than others but just because you dont always see eye to eye and just because you have let the relationship slide it doesnt mean to say that you werent meant to be together.
Marital problems become a head at some point in most relationships with the stresses and strains of every day life making it hard to enjoy quality time with your partner. Without intimate moments, little treats and romantic evenings that help your relationship feel magical and special, couples tend to naturally loose that bond that bought them together and start to question the state of their marriage. If you have begun to doubt your relationship, dont panic, even if your marital problems have reached a new height and you are beginning to feel that your marriage is a shell with nothing left to recover, with the right advice and a little positive determination you can save your marriage.
There is nothing wrong with having negative feelings about your partner, like you, they arent perfect, we all make mistakes, we all have our off days and we are just what we are. That doesnt mean to say you have to like and appreciate everything about your partner, you just have to focus on what bought you together in the first place, love them for what they are, appreciate the good points and accept the bad and acknowledge that no one is perfect.
Marriage is all about teamwork, there is no point expecting one partner to take care of the finances, for example, if they are useless with money and then get upset when the bank account is empty half way through the month. If they are useless at finances now the odds are they have always been that way, that is what you married and you just have to learn to work around it, not focus on it and not let it eat you away inside.
I was speaking to someone the other day who is due to get married in a few months. He was getting really wound up over something his fiancé had done. The trouble was she was acting exactly as she always does, no different so if it is going to let it wind him up now what is the point of getting married in the first place!! People rarely change, she will probably always react to situations in the same way, its there at the start so unless her husband to be can learn to accept it and not get wound up they will struggle with marital problems almost from the outset.
You have to enter into marriage with your eyes open. Emotional intimacy and marital bonds develop over time with partners generally being drawn together as they journey through life. Your partner becomes your sole mate, the person you rely on and the person that is there for you whenever you need them but they dont change!
Dont let common marriage problems get you down, do something about them, it doesnt matter what has happened, or how it happened, you have to learn to tackle it marital problems head on. Dont wait for someone else to sort it out, there is only you and your partner in the marriage, no matter what has happened and what either you have done when it comes down to deciding if you can and if you want to save your marriage then no one else counts.
You have the power at your finger tips, even if your partner isnt motivated to do anything about it, with the right marriage advice you can resolve your marital problems, make decisions, sort out your life and save your marriage.
