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Is Your Marriage At High Risk For Divorce
< < < Is Love Really Blind
Take this quick test:
· Were either of you under 22 when you married?
· Did either of you not get your high school diploma or GED?
· Do you make under $24,000/year as a couple?
· Are you two of different religions?
· Did either of your parents divorce?
· Are you or your spouse very critical of each other ?
· Are you or your spouse very defensive? Do either of you need the last word?
· Do you tend to withdraw from each another?
· Do either one of you feel contempt for the other?
The more you answered "yes" to these questions, the higher is your risk for divorce. Those who answer Âno generally have more realistic expectations of one another and their marriage. They tend to communicate better, use more effective problem solving skills and are found to have higher compatibility scores.
What type of person is most likely to benefit from marriage counseling? Well, everything else being equal, women seem to learn more from it than their spouses.
What type of couple benefits the most from marriage counseling? The answer is younger, communicative, educated, egalitarian, still loving and relatively open-minded couples.
Everything else being equal, important factors associated with unsuccessful marital therapy include: Procrastinating before seeking help, spouses who are determined to get a divorce and/or those who is closed to any new suggestions.
Dr John Gottman's research discovered that all couples experience conflict in their marriages but the happier ones manage their disagreements better because of a foundation of affection and friendship which they previously developed. Those without this foundation donÂt appear to have the commitment, motivation or skill to problem-solve effectively under high stress.
Bottom line - if you really care about your marriage and think it may be in trouble, donÂt wait. Seek marriage counseling as soon as you notice the warning signs and make a committment to be open-minded during the process.
Copyright, Shery, 2006
< < < Is Love Really Blind
BONUS : Is Your Partner Worth Saving A Marriage?
Anyone that has said marriage was easy had to be single! There is nothing easy about merging your life with another person. Several decades ago, people did not divorce because they were in circumstances in which it was simply not an option  women could not support themselves and society did not accept it, among many others. Now, however, marriages are ending left and right. If you are in a marriage that is on the rocks, it may be a good time to consider whether your partner and the life you have is worth saving a marriage. As difficult as it is to make a marriage work, it is even harder to save one that is already damaged.
In looking at saving a marriage, you should not only look at current circumstances, but also the history the two of you share together. How did you meet? What was it that made you fall in love? Were you ever really in love? At some point, you should consider the good times instead of only dwelling on the bad. If you and your spouse are experiencing a bad time, it is easy to block out that good times ever existed. However, you should be fair to yourself and your partner.
Then, it is time to look at the bad times. Did either of you cheat? Are there other major issues that have occurred between you that one of you has a hard time dealing with? Sometimes these major issues get buried over time, but the resentment remains and it eats away at the relationship. Do you find yourself being mad at your spouse over little things or for no reason at all? If this is the case, you should really look at the underlying issues you have.
At some point, you should close your eyes and picture what the perfect spouse would be. Not Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, but the real characteristics you would like to have in your spouse. Then you should step back and see how your spouse measures up. You should be very careful to be realistic in this exercise. If you have unrealistic expectations, you will never be happy with anyone. However, if the essential core of your spouse is deficient, you may be selling yourself short by staying.
Although saving a marriage is difficult, you should not rush off and get a divorce. You should, however, try to be fair to you and your spouse and choose to both try wholeheartedly or to let go completely.
Anyone that has said marriage was easy had to be single! There is nothing easy about merging your life with another person. Several decades ago, people did not divorce because they were in circumstances in which it was simply not an option  women could not support themselves and society did not accept it, among many others. Now, however, marriages are ending left and right. If you are in a marriage that is on the rocks, it may be a good time to consider whether your partner and the life you have is worth saving a marriage. As difficult as it is to make a marriage work, it is even harder to save one that is already damaged.
In looking at saving a marriage, you should not only look at current circumstances, but also the history the two of you share together. How did you meet? What was it that made you fall in love? Were you ever really in love? At some point, you should consider the good times instead of only dwelling on the bad. If you and your spouse are experiencing a bad time, it is easy to block out that good times ever existed. However, you should be fair to yourself and your partner.
Then, it is time to look at the bad times. Did either of you cheat? Are there other major issues that have occurred between you that one of you has a hard time dealing with? Sometimes these major issues get buried over time, but the resentment remains and it eats away at the relationship. Do you find yourself being mad at your spouse over little things or for no reason at all? If this is the case, you should really look at the underlying issues you have.
At some point, you should close your eyes and picture what the perfect spouse would be. Not Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, but the real characteristics you would like to have in your spouse. Then you should step back and see how your spouse measures up. You should be very careful to be realistic in this exercise. If you have unrealistic expectations, you will never be happy with anyone. However, if the essential core of your spouse is deficient, you may be selling yourself short by staying.
Although saving a marriage is difficult, you should not rush off and get a divorce. You should, however, try to be fair to you and your spouse and choose to both try wholeheartedly or to let go completely.
