Online Dating Mistakes And How To Avoid Them

Online Dating Mistakes And How To Avoid Them

Online dating is a great way for people to find love, but it’s not always as easy and straightforward as we would like it to be. Many people spend months trying to meet the person of their dreams on the Internet and get nowhere. The checklist below will help you troubleshoot your cyber dating experience if things are not going as well as you would like them to.

Have you uploaded a picture?

We’d all like to be loved and appreciated for more than just our appearance, but the fact is, online daters like to know who they are talking to. Many people won’t bother contacting someone who hasn’t uploaded a picture, thinking that person obviously has something to hide. A good picture is one that shows people what you look like. Don’t be put off uploading one if you are not conventionally “beautiful”. Whatever you look like, it’s a safe bet to assume that people who look like you meet and fall in love all the time. Uploading a clear picture where you’re smiling and look friendly is your best bet. Headshots are best, with full body shots OK as a second picture.
Uploading pictures of anything or anyone that is obviously not you will only damage your chances.

Is your profile as good as it can be?

Your aim when writing a profile is to make people want to get to know you. With thousands or even millions of people on a dating site, putting up a profile that says nothing but “ask me”, won’t make anyone want to contact you, unless you are a beautiful woman and have uploaded a photo (in which case, only guys who are after sex would bother contacting you). Show people a bit about who you are by writing a profile they will actually want to read. Spend some time actually describing yourself, rather than just listing adjectives (such as “I’m generous, friendly, good cook” etc.) anyone can write the words “I’m funny” but not everyone can make you laugh.

Have you tried contacting people?

Whether you are a man or a woman, it helps to get out there and contact people yourself. Online dating is fast moving us from the times when men were the ones who had to make first contact and women had to sit back and wait or be thought of as too “forward”. With so many thousands of people to choose from, the person you want to talk to may never have a chance to browse your profile unless you let them know you exist, so do it! Regardless of whether they’re interested in you or not, no one will ever hold it against you if you send him/her a message.

How did you communicate?

You think your profile is as good as can be, you’ve uploaded a friendly picture and have sent messages to as many people as you’ve seen but still no response. What now? The next questions to ask involve the way you communicate with others. Was your message too short? Just writing “hi” or other impersonal, short messages can make people think your message was not sent personally to them or that you didn’t feel they were worth spending a few more minutes coming up with something better to write. Try to write a couple of paragraphs and make the message sound like you’ve put some thought into it. Maybe comment on that person’s profile and say why you chose to contact him/her. Unless you are on a web site where the premise is people have come there looking for sex, don’t be too forward. It would most likely not be appreciated.

Are you ready for dating?

Sometimes people start dating again too soon after a recent break up. Every one of us has done this and we usually can’t tell ourselves whether it’s too early. Sometimes it’s easy for other people to tell, though. If you’ve followed all the advice in this article, contacted some people, started communicating and then never heard back, you could be subconsciously sending people signals that you are not ready. Maybe you’ve spent too much time talking about your ex, or about how you feel all men/women are cheaters and liars etc. If you’ve recently come out of a relationship, it may be that you need to give yourself time to grieve or to consolidate what you’ve learned from the experience before you move on. There is nothing wrong with this and we all heal at our own pace. Go at your own pace, not anyone else’s.

Is this the site for you?

Sometimes it does happen that the online dating site you’re using is not right for you. If you’ve spend a few months on a site, have tried your best, uploaded your best picture, sent good messages to people and have gotten nowhere, it could be time to change. Take a look around other dating sites and sign up for some free trials. In online dating, like in the world of flat hunting, location is sometimes everything.

BONUS : Online Dating Mistakes Men Make That Put Women Off

In general, there are more men dating online than there are women. So if you are a man trying to find love online, you will want to make sure you’re going about things the right way.
Although there are no failsafe written rules for online dating, there are certain unwritten etiquette rules that are advisable to follow if you want to get the best result out of your online dating experience.
Below is a list of ten things that are likely put women off dating you online.

No picture

Women (and men, for that matter) like to know who they are talking to. Having no picture makes women think you have something to hide. This could be anything from bad looks to already being married. Don’t worry about your looks, different people have different tastes. However, having no picture up would make women imagine the worst, even if, in reality, they would actually find you attractive. A clear headshot of you smiling says you are genuine, friendly and serious about finding someone.

Naked pictures

It’s hard to believe that this needs saying at all, but some men choose to upload nude pictures of themselves to websites rather than headshots. This is acceptable behaviour on adult-themed dating sites where people are generally only after sex, but on all other sites this causes annoyance, if not distress. Even people who specify they are interested in casual relationships are not likely to respond favourably to naked pictures. Unless you are certain this kind of behaviour is acceptable on the site, don’t do it.

Accusing tone

People who have had bad dating experience occasionally try and protect themselves from being hurt by writing a profile warning off “undesirables”. Obviously, no one likes having their time wasted by the wrong kind of people, but filling large parts of your profile with references to the sort of people you don’t want to meet can make you sound unapproachable, unfriendly or even paranoid. Saying things like “no time wasters” are unnecessary -- no sane woman would sit in front of the computer and think “I feel like wasting someone’s time today”. The only thing a statement like that would do is make you sound impatient and demanding. Phrases like “no fat chicks”, “no old hags” etc. would make you sound rude and offensive and make most women stay away, regardless of their age and shape. Instead, concentrate on positive aspects of who you would like to meet.

List of demands

Be careful of turning your profile into a long list of demands. While it’s good to include information about your ideal woman, don’t let it turn into a ransom note. Always include information about yourself in your profile and if you have high expectations from your potential mate, it’s good to complement them with details about your own qualities so that you don’t come across as arrogant and fussy. For example, a phrase like “I go to the gym 4-5 times a week and take care of my body, so I want to meet women who take care of theirs” sounds much better than “I want to meet fit women”.

Going on about your ex

Your online dating profile is not the place to go on about your past dating failures. It’s a place to show your optimistic, hopeful side that is ready to move on. Don’t fill it up with details about how bad your break-up was, how nasty your ex was and how you think all women are out to get you. You won’t be doing yourself any favours.

Boasting

There is a fine line between describing your finer details and showing off. Going over the top with describing how great you are will only make women think you are arrogant and full of yourself. Be particularly careful of anything sexual, including describing body parts or how good you are in bed. Most women wouldn’t believe it anyway and would be immediately put off.

Asking for sex

Unless you are on an adult-themed site, you are unlikely to get anywhere by messaging women and asking for sex straight away. Obviously, there are some exceptions, such as when a woman has specified on her profile that she is looking for sex as well. Otherwise, it’s best to be more polite. Depending on the site you are using, it may be acceptable to say in your profile that you are looking for sex, though different sites will have different levels of tolerance to such requests. On mainstream sites, it’s best to keep such information to a minimum, without going into any graphic descriptions.

Empty profiles

Women will probably not bother contacting you if your profile contains no information about yourself. Put the effort in and make sure you say enough to make them interested. It’s worth spending the time to do this properly as the amount of responses you will get will significantly rise.

Jealousy and possessiveness

When starting to communicate with women online, don’t act like you’re married straight away. Demanding to know where your new friend is every time she is not speaking to you is not likely to make her want to stick around. Let things develop at their natural pace without being too pushy.

Acting Desperate

It’s somehow hard to gauge the different between acting cool and acting distant and the difference between being affectionate and being overly-eager. Still, sometimes it’s best to err on the side of caution and not flood your new match with over the top romantic behaviour. Turning up to a casual first date with a giant bouquet of flowers is an example of over-eagerness. If you like someone, do let her know, but again, don’t expect her to commit to marrying you after a single phone call or date.