Online Dating Advice Making The First Move

Online Dating Advice: Making The First Move

Online Dating is often cited as a great way for shy people to extend their social circle and find love, but lack of confidence can be just as bad on the Internet as it is offline. For many people, making contact online can be quite a daunting task and the fear of rejection can be just as strong. There are a few important things to keep in mind for when you’ve found someone you want to make contact with.

Traditional gender roles

Some people are still labouring under the belief that it’s always the man who should contact the woman. While this may be true for some men, especially in the traditional dating world, the online dating scene is quite different. With so many people using the various dating sites, a woman could be waiting a very long time if she didn’t make a move herself. Luckily, it seems most women are not afraid of contacting men online. Surveys have also revealed that the vast majority of men are not put off by women contacting them and in fact find it quite flattering. If the man is shy himself, this could be the best and maybe only way to make contact.

Cheats and helping hands

Many sites nowadays offer handy features to take the sting out of contacting someone for the first time. Features like “winks”, “kisses” etc. are basically a way to send someone a quick preset message with the click of a button to let them know you are interested. On some sites, you can send quick multi-user messages to anyone who fits your search criteria so you can contact a whole load of people at once.

What to send

This is not an exact science, seeing as dating is a personal thing. A message that leaves one person indifferent could be just the thing to interest another. As a rule though, try to keep things personal. Comment on the other person’s profile to make them know you took the time to read it. Compliment them by telling them why you chose to send a message to them rather than anyone else. Comments like “you have a nice smile” are good, but it’s probably best to avoid any comments about body parts, unless you are on a site that is advertised for people who are predominantly looking for sex.

When writing, include information about yourself but don’t write too long a message, most people wouldn’t bother reading that much and, after all, you are only trying to start a conversation. Asking the other person about him/herself is a good way to ensure they have something to talk about if they want to write back.

Not always a rejection

It’s easy to get discouraged if you’ve sent someone a message and did not receive a reply, but the truth is, there could be a lot of reasons why a person did not respond and most of them have nothing to do with you at all. This is more true online than anywhere else, because there are even more elements to consider. For example, the nature of online dating means people can be selective from the start about what they want in a way that is different from traditional dating. If you are insecure about your looks, it’s easy to assume it’s your picture that put people off, but in reality, it could be something completely unrelated that has made the other person think you are incompatible.

It’s worth making sure your profile is as good as it can be and includes a picture of you before you start contacting people. A lot of people won’t bother replying to people whose profiles do not have a picture and many won’t bother replying to people who’ve written nothing at all about themselves.

BONUS : Online Dating Advise

While online dating tips have been done to death, there are some new approaches to the years old problem of what to do and how to act after you've taken the online chats and instant messaging a step further with the decision to meet "for real" out in the world.

Cyber stalking can turn to real stalking if you don't pace your self and find out as much as you can about whom this person really is before you decide to meet up with them for real.

Although not talked about a lot, one of the online dating tips that is making a new splash on the scene is to log on to a background check site and join. For a few dollars a month you can have your new friend checked out by state and local authorities. If they refuse to give you their real name, there you go. Delete them from your profiles. Anyone who is genuinely interested in you will be interested in your safety as well, and although not completely fool proof, asking to do a background check on some one will really weed out the wackos, or insincere characters.

When returning a profile through an online dating service, be sure to not tell them your entire story in one email. It is wise to not go into a lengthy explanation of why you were dumped (or chose to dump them) either. Be positive, be sincere, and tell the truth.
Post your photo and reply to ones that are sent to you. A picture is worth a thousand words, remember, and so send a good one.

It is not an online dating rule to be boring in your profile. Everyone enjoys long walks on the beach (don't they?) but does everyone enjoy extreme sports? Write about what makes you a great catch, what makes you a person who marches to a different drummer, and see what you come up with.