Kissing Contains No Javelchromopntheoremicherbicidic Acid

Kissing Contains No Javelchromopntheoremicherbicidic Acid

Every now and then a quarrel breaks out down at the barber shop, lines are drawn, challenges leveled and, with any luck, somebody walks out with very few blood stains. All over a seemingly innocent discussion: What is the greatest sport ever?

Some say "football". Some say "baseball". Canadians say "hockey". The rest of the world says "soccer". (Actually, they say "football", too...but they mean "soccer".

I say: "kissing". Yes, kissing is the greatest sport ever. Allow me to recount just a few of the reasons.

Kissing is a very versatile sport. There are so many kisses – at least one for each occasion. There is the peck on the cheek kiss, the peck on each cheek kiss, the peck on your nephew's cheek kiss while grabbing the other cheek flab with your hand, the madly passionate kiss, the kiss on the hand, the kiss of death, the "Hey you! Kiss this!", and even the town of Kissimmee (founded by early Italian pioneer kissers) in Florida.

Kissing is easy to transport. It really doesn't matter where you are. You can kiss: at the gym, in the boardroom, in the space shuttle, even in Alaska from June through September.

Kissing requires very little equipment, meaning you can do it even when unprepared, and even when you have to travel light. This makes it the ideal participation sport for businessmen, world travelers and hang gliders

Kissing always livens things up. Try this: the next time you are in a booooring meeting that seems to last foreeeeever, why not just kiss somebody. See how it livens things up?

Kissing is legal in all 50 states and most countries. Rumors are circulating that kissing will even be legalized soon on Mars, Jupiter and in Afghanistan.

Kissing is 100% biodegradable, so when you kiss somebody, you help the environment.

Kissing is safe to do in a moving vehicle, as long as you are not driving.

Kissing is non toxic...unless you kiss somebody who has just swallowed a bottle of Drano. Even so, kissing is still safe, as long as you do not use your mouth.

Kissing is non-fattening. This is perhaps the best news of all, because dieters now have something to keep their mouths busy while not eating, and smokers can quit smoking without having to chew candies until they a) need to diet or b) induce diabetes. (Read the headline: "Kissing prevents diabetes")

Kissing is organic, low in sodium, preservative-free, low in saturated fats and does not contain dozens of delicious ingredients that cannot be pronounced, like javelchromopntheoremicherbicidic acid.

Most kisses are not tested on animals, but who am I to stifle your sense of adventure?

You can kiss just about everyone: your boyfriend, your aunt, your wife, your veterinarian, the Prime Minister of the Duchy of Grand Fenwick and your pet aardvark. Don't try kissing them all at the same time, though...especially not your boyfriend and your wife.

Kissing meets the toughest safety regulations of any national or international sporting organization. Kissing has a tremendous safety record, except for the occasional locked braces. But a quick call for a AAA tow truck fixes that problem (CAA in Canada, AA in the UK, the local plumber in France)

The only recorded deaths involving kissing are by third parties, usually wives, husbands, spurned lovers and other spectators who somehow get past security and storm onto the playing field like that well-dressed gentleman at the Superbowl.

There we do NOT recommend "extreme kissing". For instance, don't kiss an on-duty garbage truck; it is considered dangerous. Don't kiss a metal fence-post in sub-zero weather; readers in northern climates know exactly what I mean. Don't kiss any electrical outlets, or you'll look like this. Don't kiss the vacuum cleaner if you want to retain all your vital organs. It's OK to kiss sandpaper, just don't use your tongue. Don't kiss a chainsaw; we feel this one is self-explanatory. And don't kiss your office manager while on duty...unless you happen to be a work-from-home hermit like me.

But overall, kissing is so great that it makes baseball, hockey, football and soccer seem like bush league sports. Next time you hear a brawl at your local barbershop, just go in and give everyone a kiss. I guarantee that you will win the argument hands down. And if not, at least you will make some new friends to argue with.

BONUS : Kissing Tips, Advice

We've all had those moments where we were with someone we liked and somewhere on the back of our mind we kept wondering how do we kiss that person? Do we ask them? Do we just go for the kiss? Do we wait? If so, how long?

These questions can be quite discouraging due to not knowing exactly what to do next to bring yourself closer to that special someone.

There are, however, a few key steps and signs that we can watch out for and do to increase the probability of bringing ourselves closer to that special someone.

For guys:

When you're out with a girl on a date and you and her walking around or just talking, you have to understand that you're the one who has to make a move! Girls are told by society that they have to be passive and receptive (not as much after shows such as Sex and the City). Thus, she is expecting you to take charge in escalating the touching that will eventually lead to a kiss.

When you're out with her, be the first one to take her hand! Taking her hand is the first step towards bringing yourself closer to her. If she's comfortable, you can escalate non-intrusive touching a little later, such as touching her shoulders or hugging her. As you progress doing this and watch her grow more and more comfortable with your touch, you have much better chance of kissing her successfully, rather than just going for the kiss out of the blue. When you built this kind of touching comfort, get her and yourself into some sort location where two of you could either sit or stand and talk comfortably. As two of you talk, start stroking her hair softly and look into her eyes. If you feel that she's comfortable with that, move in closer and closer. If she doesn't withdraw, go for the kiss, since if she's comfortable with you touching her hair and standing so closely, most likely at that point she already wants to kiss you anyway. If she withdraws or acts weirded out, relax for a bit and continue building comfort with her. Resume normal conversation and try again later.

For girls:

Usually girls are viewed as the ones who are kissed, rather than the ones that kiss. It's really a matter of personal preference and personal set of beliefs as to how you want to go about this.

Most guys are very shy about kissing a girl for the first time, so you might try to make him feel comfortable by accepting his touch or even initiating non-intrusive touching yourself, such as holding his hand or hugging him and being close to him. If he feels like you're accepting him and enjoy his company and being close to him, he'll most likely go for the kiss.

If you want to kiss him, it's going to be rather tricky, since some guys might feel you're too aggressive to hang out with. If he's super shy, you can simply tell him you want to kiss him, and let him kiss you. This way you preserve his male ego and still get kissed :)

For both:

Kissing should be light and bring pleasure to both partners. Don't rush too fast and start shoving your tongue down his or her throat. Just relax your tongue and softly touch your partner’s lips and tongue. Just barely touching, almost sliding. The kiss should feel light, yet passionate. As two of you get comfortable kissing, you can progress to more aggressive and deep kind of kissing, such as French kissing. French kissing is essentially the kind of kiss where there is lots of tongue and sucking action.

Conclusion: Just let if flow and let it come to you naturally. Build touch comfort over time and when the time is right, try to move closer to your partner so that the kiss can naturally happen. Visit Kissing tips, advice for more information.