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How To Double Your Romance With One Way Dates
Copyright 2006 David Steele
Over time, couples can easily develop routines that become ruts and it seems like romance goes out the window.
Does this sound familiar?
Partner #1: “What do you want to do?”
Partner #2: “I don’t know, what do YOU want to do?”
Then they end up doing pretty much the same thing they have done before.
Couples can also fall into “compromise ruts,” where each gives up what they really want to do in order to find something they can both agree upon. For example, in choosing movies, he might love action-adventure, she might love drama, and they might routinely compromise on comedies. After awhile, this might get old! (True story- happened to me!)
WhatÂ’s the alternative? How can couples keep their romance fresh and exciting?
Try rotating the following four ONE-WAY DATES:
TYPE 1: Partner #1 creates a romantic experience for partner #2
The purpose of this date is to give a gift and please partner #2 one hundred percent. This doesnÂ’t have to cost anything, and doesnÂ’t even require going anywhere, as long as the time and activities are creatively focused on what would please partner #2.
TYPE 2: Switch; partner #2 creates a romantic experience for partner #1
TYPE 3: Partner #1 creates a self-centered romantic experience
The purpose of this date is for partner #1 to please themselves 100%, to have romance exactly the way they want, sharing the experience with partner #2 in the way they wish, but not worrying about partner #2Â’s experience at all.
TYPE 4: Switch; partner #2 creates a self-centered romantic experience
To work, this requires planning and coordination. I suggest couples plan their dates and one-way types on a calendar a year in advance. This may sacrifice the spontaneity that some prefer but often canÂ’t sustain, for intentionality that can continue to create romantic closeness and excitement for decades to come.
I have found that trying to reach agreement on everything can hinder creativity and dilute the possibilities. Using these One-Way Dates allows for each partner to freely and creatively choose activities that would truly please themselves or their partner, without eliminating exciting choices trying to please both.
ONE-WAY DECISION MAKING
As much as we value mutuality and agreement, wouldnÂ’t it be nice to get your way sometimes, even when your partner disagrees?
Similar to the “One Way Date” is the GIMME.
A “Gimme” is a request one partner makes of another, when there is something they would really like to have or do that the partner disagrees with.
LetÂ’s say that partner #1 really wants to go to the opera, but partner #2 hates the opera. Partner #1 really wants to go, but doesnÂ’t want to go alone or with someone else, they want to go with their partner!
Partner #1 could ask for a “gimme” which means “please do this as a gift for me, not because you agree or want to, but give this to me because you love me and want me to be happy.”
Ground rules:
- A gimme is not asked for lightly or often
- When asked for a gimme, try your best to say “Yes”
- When delivering a gimme, do so with a positive attitude
- The gimme is a gift, delivered with unconditional love, without expectation of a quid pro quo
Sometimes in a relationship, ONE way is the BEST way!
BONUS : How To Find A Genuine Online Date
This is definitely one of the most talked about and written about dating topics of today, considering the increasing threat to genuine date seekers.
You could avoid being trapped and abused by a fake online date if you use the following basics when you search for a date next time. You may think you have already read enough of it. But just read on 'cos you might catch something new!
· Start with a good dating service - To start with, use a reputed dating service provided by a known website. Their reputation itself makes it necessary for them to be more careful when allowing online dates.
· Longer the better - Subscribe for a reasonably paid online dating service of your choice. Do not select free or cheap dating sites. Always try to pay for at least 3 months period. You have to pay only the amount you'd spend on a two or three cheap dinners! Try to find out suitable dating or matchmaking site depending on your requirement (religious, black, ethnic, fun etc).
· Look for dating service reviews - If you are worried about your money being wasted on something of no use to you, make use of online dating services review sites where you can search and learn about dating services around the world. They provide expert guidance for you to find a dating site to suit your requirements.
One thing I must emphasis is that there are many internet dating review sites which are out of date. They have reviewed the dating services two or three years back. Always select reputed review sites that are up to date.
· Read the profiles carefully - Always look for descriptions which sound truthful. Avoid contacting too many. Limit your contacts to a few. See who is continuing for a long time. They may be the genuine ones who really want a date with you.
· Avoid superstars J - Avoid personals which sound too good to be true with photographs of handsome dudes/lovely chicks! Specially avoid overseas personals of similar kind who are all too interested in you.
· Avoid Scams - Carefully see whether you receive any pleads for financial help. If yes, first thing you should do is to avoid them at all costs. (avoid sending money for visas, air tickets etc) This is a popular scamming technique. Don't fall in to that trap.
· Don't give any numbers - If you are considering a more personal relationship with the online date of your interest, get his/her contact number. If they are reluctant to give a number, be careful. If they gave you a number, try ringing it then and there without telling him/her and see who is picking the line, always use a public phone and don't use your mobile phone by any means.
· Things about personal details - If you are confident that you have carried on long enough to confide in each other see whether he/she is willing to give out personal details. If he/she is totally unwilling to give out any information, it is better to back off.
· Be honest - Finally, be honest yourself. If you are not being truthful, you cannot expect another to be honest with you. However, always be careful of what you should reveal to a person you have not yet met personally.
This is definitely one of the most talked about and written about dating topics of today, considering the increasing threat to genuine date seekers.
You could avoid being trapped and abused by a fake online date if you use the following basics when you search for a date next time. You may think you have already read enough of it. But just read on 'cos you might catch something new!
· Start with a good dating service - To start with, use a reputed dating service provided by a known website. Their reputation itself makes it necessary for them to be more careful when allowing online dates.
· Longer the better - Subscribe for a reasonably paid online dating service of your choice. Do not select free or cheap dating sites. Always try to pay for at least 3 months period. You have to pay only the amount you'd spend on a two or three cheap dinners! Try to find out suitable dating or matchmaking site depending on your requirement (religious, black, ethnic, fun etc).
· Look for dating service reviews - If you are worried about your money being wasted on something of no use to you, make use of online dating services review sites where you can search and learn about dating services around the world. They provide expert guidance for you to find a dating site to suit your requirements.
One thing I must emphasis is that there are many internet dating review sites which are out of date. They have reviewed the dating services two or three years back. Always select reputed review sites that are up to date.
· Read the profiles carefully - Always look for descriptions which sound truthful. Avoid contacting too many. Limit your contacts to a few. See who is continuing for a long time. They may be the genuine ones who really want a date with you.
· Avoid superstars J - Avoid personals which sound too good to be true with photographs of handsome dudes/lovely chicks! Specially avoid overseas personals of similar kind who are all too interested in you.
· Avoid Scams - Carefully see whether you receive any pleads for financial help. If yes, first thing you should do is to avoid them at all costs. (avoid sending money for visas, air tickets etc) This is a popular scamming technique. Don't fall in to that trap.
· Don't give any numbers - If you are considering a more personal relationship with the online date of your interest, get his/her contact number. If they are reluctant to give a number, be careful. If they gave you a number, try ringing it then and there without telling him/her and see who is picking the line, always use a public phone and don't use your mobile phone by any means.
· Things about personal details - If you are confident that you have carried on long enough to confide in each other see whether he/she is willing to give out personal details. If he/she is totally unwilling to give out any information, it is better to back off.
· Be honest - Finally, be honest yourself. If you are not being truthful, you cannot expect another to be honest with you. However, always be careful of what you should reveal to a person you have not yet met personally.
