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How Men Are Failing With Woman Attraction And Dating
There are many reasons why men are failing with women and dating today but I'd like to look at it from an angle that you may not have thought about before.
When it comes to the game of attraction, many men will start becoming needy, clingy, overwhelmed, etc. this means they're giving up their OWN personal independence (during that time because it all that she sees and knows about him) and showing signs of dependency on a woman.
When your emotions start to take over you have to understand where they are coming from and where they fit into the reality of things. Many men fail because they just can't control their
thoughts and physiological response to a beautiful woman.
Just because you're interested in her doesn't mean she's interested
in you.
Women are world class body language readers (they were born to know what to look for and how to respond) and can see any sign of nervousness when you are around them.
Any uncontrollable emotional response you have with women upfront (or later on in the relationship when you only see her 'wonderful' side and 'fall for her') means that you are losing
your own power, strength and independence (already confused and muddled because of growing up being hidden from the truth).
When this happens it means that she CANNOT be attracted to you. So all the nice guys out there that try to put their Âbest foot forward (and not really being their true self) are really failing
and stepping on their own feet. TheyÂre not being honest with themselves and their intentions.
Not to mention that many women today donÂt want to be courted and feeling like they owe this guy a committed relationship, they want to be free and let things happen more naturally.
Many guys get so nervous and self-conscious around the women they desire that they don't realize there's nothing they could say to salvage it.
She already lost interest the second she saw him yet theyÂll still try to learn pick-up lines in a desperate attempt to succeed to the point their devotion to it becomes unnatural.
All men were born with the inherent power to please women. And it's all done on a natural level thatÂs really more important to her than money (except gold-diggers). And she has to be
able to trust the man to BE a man.
Women are waiting for the 'real men' (who respect her and her body without saying a word) because there are so few left anymore.
Just have to get in touch with your natural power as a man to reach the natural part of (all) women.
This power is greater than your own independent 'personality' or your social character and it's the power that matters when it comes to succeeding with women and giving women what they
want.
Become a man who is 'comfortable in his own skin' and maintain that congruency and you'll find that women will treat you differently and actually notice you.
Her interest means everything because she is the one who chooses you or not (as a response to your character or approach) but as a man you will lead the way.
The nice guy will 'fail' in attracting women because he's not inspiring an instinctual or natural response in her to him.
Is it his fault for growing up in a forced reality which covers up his real power and effectiveness? No.
Does he have to take accountability for his actions and future? Yes. Understanding these things will allow him to move forward into a whole level of success that he has only dreamed of.
I like to see things this way:
You can't go with a fat, ugly chick just as much as she can't go with a man of low character.
Women today love sex just as much as men but they expect a guy they can trust first and if you're showing signs of dependency or that you're too interested in her and would change your ways to be with her, it ain't going to work out.
The good news is that women will KNOW when you are that man they want.
To prevent failure, just become a man of high character across the 3 areas that matter (natural, independent and social) and you will have women wanting to be with you and not giving up
the chance to meet you.
The whole game turns around at that point and other guys will continue to fail because they didn't understand the big game of attraction and how to apply it themselves to be more naturally themselves.
Be what women want by truly becoming the man you were supposed to be instead of having to trick them into something and you'll be able to attract women nonverbally.
All men have this power and potential despite their money or looks. It's all about how she feels when she's around you and that ALL comes down to your character and who you are.
So I recommend to prevent failure and have success with women and dating!
BONUS : How Men Make Mistakes Buying Gifts
I recently received a question that bears discussion:
"What types of presents should be given at the beginning of a relationship that the man hopes to be a serious, lasting love? (and what not to give!)"
Generally speaking, a man should not give ANY gifts for the first few two or three dates. Most guys tend toward "buy her affections" behavior, where they try to lock women into an implied commitment by buying gifts for her far too soon. What this really does is scare women off.
Instead, a guy should save his money to demonstrate that he's FUN, and then show her a good time. An example might be to get a few rolls of quarters and take her to the arcade. Or buy her a really nice pastry that you can both savor together.
Gifts early on should be geared toward enhancing the experience of your time together, not to impress a woman. Hold off on the flowers and the candy until you've built up some genuine rapport and interest from her, then your gifts will be appreciated.
After three dates or so, the guy can then open up a little and maybe get her a card or some flowers. But the idea here, again, is to keep it LOW KEY. It's better to under-gift at this point so that he can show thoughtful caution rather than hasty imprudence.
Remember: It's not the money you spend, but the message you send.
This reader also asked:
"What types of presents he should give to show its just a short-term, sexy affair, a fling that will go no further? (and what not to give!)"
For a sexy affair, give sexy gifts! Small things like a coupon to fulfill her fantasy, or take her to a
lingerie store to buy a really hot nightie. How about a couple of tickets to a steamy movie?
Do NOT give expensive gifts as they imply a level of commitment that neither party may be willing to make. No jewelry or big-ticket items. Keep it tasteful, not trashy.
"What types of presents to give to a girl as a sign that now the man is starting to think more seriously about the relationship, and wants to show that he hopes it will last?"
When it comes time for an anniversary or some kind of major event, such as Valentine's Day, or a birthday, you're pretty much obligated to step up and produce something memorable. I once gave a girl a naked Barbie doll with a coupon in the box that said I'd buy her (and Barbie) some clothes, as long as I got to help pick them out. That went over BIG with her.
Another possibility for a good "relationship" gift is something that links you two together. No, not
handcuffs, or matching T-shirts. I'm talking about something that will keep reminding her of you when you're not around, such as a nice pair of wine glasses from your trip to visit some vineyards, or make her a CD with a bunch of your favorite songs. Get her a gift that does double-duty.
"What signs should a man look out for to know what present to give? How do you interpret her signals?"
A man should show some insight and intelligence in his choice for a gift. He should look at the woman's interests and get her something that stands out. If she's into adventure sports, get her a day pass at a rock climbing gym. If she likes music, get her a ticket to a concert. Take a few minutes to think it through and you'll come up with dozens of good ideas.
The idea here is to be IRREGULAR with the timing, and understand the need for some variation in the way you gift. It's less about the "what" than it is about the "when" and "how." Small gifts every so often are much more effective than the large ones. Save the large gifts for the big events.
He should also watch out for signals that indicate the woman is a little TOO into getting gifts. If she drops any overt hints about wanting material gratification, he should run to the nearest exit.
"Is there a time when you really shouldn't give a gift?"
Don't give gifts solely to smooth over an error on your part, such as insulting her and expecting to get in her good graces again just by sending her candy. You have to show her some genuine remorse with the gift so that it doesn't come across as just an empty gesture.
Be wary of being the only one in the relationship buying gifts. She should buy things for you
occasionally, too - IF she's really into you. Demonstrate that you can provide, but let her demonstrate she can nurture you back.
Another time you shouldn't buy her a gift is to prompt her for sexual favors in return. It sets up a bad precedent for you, and it cheapens her.
The best rule for gifts is that they should always be given with NO expectation of return. Give just for the pleasure of giving and you'll rarely go wrong.
Remember that when you've got your self-confidence established, you don't have to worry as much about when and how to give gifts, because there won't be any subtext of neediness on your part.
That just means that when you have the right Alpha Male vibe to you, a woman is not going to misinterpret the meaning of your gift. She'll understand that it's something she should cherish and not take for granted.
On the other hand, if you're giving to GET, you're going to have problems. Women will not want to be with you because you're setting up an agenda, and that's the most unattractive thing a woman can sense from you.
These are some of the pointers I cover in detail in my Secrets of the Alpha Man program, available through my web site: http://www.alphaconfidence.com
- Carlos Xuma
AlphaConfidence.com
I recently received a question that bears discussion:
"What types of presents should be given at the beginning of a relationship that the man hopes to be a serious, lasting love? (and what not to give!)"
Generally speaking, a man should not give ANY gifts for the first few two or three dates. Most guys tend toward "buy her affections" behavior, where they try to lock women into an implied commitment by buying gifts for her far too soon. What this really does is scare women off.
Instead, a guy should save his money to demonstrate that he's FUN, and then show her a good time. An example might be to get a few rolls of quarters and take her to the arcade. Or buy her a really nice pastry that you can both savor together.
Gifts early on should be geared toward enhancing the experience of your time together, not to impress a woman. Hold off on the flowers and the candy until you've built up some genuine rapport and interest from her, then your gifts will be appreciated.
After three dates or so, the guy can then open up a little and maybe get her a card or some flowers. But the idea here, again, is to keep it LOW KEY. It's better to under-gift at this point so that he can show thoughtful caution rather than hasty imprudence.
Remember: It's not the money you spend, but the message you send.
This reader also asked:
"What types of presents he should give to show its just a short-term, sexy affair, a fling that will go no further? (and what not to give!)"
For a sexy affair, give sexy gifts! Small things like a coupon to fulfill her fantasy, or take her to a
lingerie store to buy a really hot nightie. How about a couple of tickets to a steamy movie?
Do NOT give expensive gifts as they imply a level of commitment that neither party may be willing to make. No jewelry or big-ticket items. Keep it tasteful, not trashy.
"What types of presents to give to a girl as a sign that now the man is starting to think more seriously about the relationship, and wants to show that he hopes it will last?"
When it comes time for an anniversary or some kind of major event, such as Valentine's Day, or a birthday, you're pretty much obligated to step up and produce something memorable. I once gave a girl a naked Barbie doll with a coupon in the box that said I'd buy her (and Barbie) some clothes, as long as I got to help pick them out. That went over BIG with her.
Another possibility for a good "relationship" gift is something that links you two together. No, not
handcuffs, or matching T-shirts. I'm talking about something that will keep reminding her of you when you're not around, such as a nice pair of wine glasses from your trip to visit some vineyards, or make her a CD with a bunch of your favorite songs. Get her a gift that does double-duty.
"What signs should a man look out for to know what present to give? How do you interpret her signals?"
A man should show some insight and intelligence in his choice for a gift. He should look at the woman's interests and get her something that stands out. If she's into adventure sports, get her a day pass at a rock climbing gym. If she likes music, get her a ticket to a concert. Take a few minutes to think it through and you'll come up with dozens of good ideas.
The idea here is to be IRREGULAR with the timing, and understand the need for some variation in the way you gift. It's less about the "what" than it is about the "when" and "how." Small gifts every so often are much more effective than the large ones. Save the large gifts for the big events.
He should also watch out for signals that indicate the woman is a little TOO into getting gifts. If she drops any overt hints about wanting material gratification, he should run to the nearest exit.
"Is there a time when you really shouldn't give a gift?"
Don't give gifts solely to smooth over an error on your part, such as insulting her and expecting to get in her good graces again just by sending her candy. You have to show her some genuine remorse with the gift so that it doesn't come across as just an empty gesture.
Be wary of being the only one in the relationship buying gifts. She should buy things for you
occasionally, too - IF she's really into you. Demonstrate that you can provide, but let her demonstrate she can nurture you back.
Another time you shouldn't buy her a gift is to prompt her for sexual favors in return. It sets up a bad precedent for you, and it cheapens her.
The best rule for gifts is that they should always be given with NO expectation of return. Give just for the pleasure of giving and you'll rarely go wrong.
Remember that when you've got your self-confidence established, you don't have to worry as much about when and how to give gifts, because there won't be any subtext of neediness on your part.
That just means that when you have the right Alpha Male vibe to you, a woman is not going to misinterpret the meaning of your gift. She'll understand that it's something she should cherish and not take for granted.
On the other hand, if you're giving to GET, you're going to have problems. Women will not want to be with you because you're setting up an agenda, and that's the most unattractive thing a woman can sense from you.
These are some of the pointers I cover in detail in my Secrets of the Alpha Man program, available through my web site: http://www.alphaconfidence.com
- Carlos Xuma
AlphaConfidence.com
