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Frustrated With Internet Dating Top Five Ways To Find Your Mate
< < < Friendship
Copyright 2006 David Steele
In a new trend, singles are becoming increasingly disillusioned with internet dating and seeking alternatives. With millions of singles using the internet and the promises and success stories of online matchmaking websites, I've heard the same thing over and over from singles across the country who are frustrated with internet dating-
"It's great to have a lot of choices, but it takes a lot of time and I don't seem to meet anyone I have much chemistry with."
This trend makes sense to me. In some ways, using a computer to find your soul mate is like trying to cook a souffle in a microwave. Some things just require time, effort, and the human touch.
This article will explore the upsides and downsides of internet dating, attempt to explain why internet dating doesn't work for some (most?) singles, and suggest some alternatives.
Top Five Advantages of Internet Dating
1. Reach more singles 2. Inexpensive (relatively) 3. Enough information available for efficient sorting 4. Anonymous 5. Easy to control most aspects of the process
Top Five Downsides of Internet Dating
1. Overwhelming number of choices 2. Encourages "shopping" mentality 3. Many users are less than truthful 4. Some users are game players, predators. cheaters 5. Complacency- tempting to rely on the internet and exclude other options
The Internet, Chemistry, and the Law of Attraction
Today's singles seem to be relying on their computer a bit too much and complacently expecting the internet to deliver their soul mate. This is a version of the Fairytale Trap (one of fourteen dating traps in my book "Conscious Dating"). The internet is a wonderful tool (I use it!) but doesn't seem to work effectively as the only tool for finding potential partners.
I believe that the two biggest reasons why the internet isn't effective for many singles is the role of chemistry and the Law of Attraction.
Chemistry is critically important for a successful relationship. Everyone wants a partner they feel strong chemistry with, and a relationship would be pretty dry and unsustainable without it. The Fourth Principle of Conscious Dating is "Balance Your Heart With Your Head." Identifying your requirements, needs, and wants does not minimize the need for chemistry. You need both! I like to think of chemistry as the radar that helps you find your target, then you use your requirements, needs and wants to decide "yes" or "no."
The Law of Attraction is inescapeable and either works for you or against you. If you're "busy" or "shy" and the internet is your only means of reaching potential partners, in a way you're hiding behind your computer and the Law of Attraction is not likely to help you. The Law of Attraction states that "like attracts like" and "energy follows attention," meaning your results reflect your thoughts and your actions. Over the years I've become convinced that the Law of Attraction is a powerful law of the Universe, like gravity. Just like "what goes up must come down," try as you might, you can't avoid or change the principle that "like attracts like."
If you're hiding behind your computer, what people, relationships, and results are you likely to attract?
Top Five Ways to Find Your Mate Without a Computer
1. Use your support community
Most people find their soul mate through someone they know, so don't be a lone ranger (another dating trap!) and lean on your friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors to assist you to meet potential partners.
2. Start a dating pool or networking group
Get a group of singles together (any gender mix) to support each other to meet potential partners. Most singles know lots of other singles of both genders, so pool your resources and do some matchmaking for each other!
3. Reach out to people
In today's busy world with cell phones, texting, instant messaging, e-mail, and the internet promoting impersonal ways of interacting with others, it's easy to forget the lost art of engagement with real people that are right in front of you. Make an effort to reach out to the people you come into contact with in your everyday life and watch your relationships blossom.
4. Make more friends
Since most people find their soul mate through someone they know, be open to developing new friendships and expanding your support community. Chances are you already have acquaintances at work and other places that you would enjoy spending more time with. Friends are easier to find than dates, and friendships often last longer than romantic relationships!
5. Get involved
Too many singles lead isolated lives centered around work, home, and a few friends. Participating in clubs, groups, classes, charities, church/temple, is the most important way you can leverage the Law of Attraction to help you find your soul mate. You'll meet new people, make new friends, and pursue hobbies and interests important to you that bring you in contact with other compatible singles.
Balancing High Tech with High Touch
While technology can help us in many ways, let's not forget that as humans we are social beings and finding your life partner is a relationship goal that is most effectively acheived by getting away from your computer and living a full, rich life among real people doing the things you enjoy that make your life meaningful.
As the ancient Roman playwright Terence once said "Moderation in all things." Do you think he meant the internet as well?
Let's address this trend of over-reliance on the internet for finding love. Please pass this article along to the frustrated singles in your life that you care about!
< < < Friendship
BONUS : Fun Date Ideas For Couples
Many people think of dates as something for young, new couples who are in love. This is true. However, when people say that, they think fun dating trips and outings are exclusive to this group of people. This is not the case. Couples who have been together just a short time as well as couples who have been together for several years both deserve to treat their relationships to fun date ideas to keep their relationships enjoyable. Keeping a relationship new with periodic dates for just the two of you is a great way to stay close as a couple. The ways to decide on what kind of date you are going to take your loved one on include common interests, experiences you have had, and sharing ideas.
One of the first things to consider when deciding on where to take your significant other on a date is the interests that you have in common with each other. Many times, couples have several things in common, but have things that they do not share as well. When you are considering a place to take a date, always consider whether or not your date will appreciate your idea. If you are really into football, and your date is not, perhaps it is not the smartest thing to do to take your date to a football game. If you both like go-cart driving, this is a terrific date idea for the two of you.
Another thing to consider when trying to decide the location of a great date is to remember the experiences that you and your loved one have already had. If there is something that you have already done, and you have an opportunity to do something new and different, before you take the habitual date that you have already had, consider a new option instead of the same old thing. Keeping your mind open to sharing new experiences with your loved one is a good way to get closer to each other.
One other thing to think about when trying to decide on a date location is the sharing of ideas. When you are dating and trying to become closer by having common experiences with your loved one, it is very important that both parties have the opportunity for inputting ideas on where to go. If one party does all of the deciding, the other party could become resentful and begin to dislike not being able to ever choose date locations. A recommendation might be to do every-other dates. Every-other dates are dates where your loved one chooses, then you choose, and so on and so forth. By sharing ideas and sacrificing your likes and dislikes sometimes, you can have a happier relationship by allowing the other person to have a say.
Wherever you decide to take a date with your loved one, be sure to consider the three aspects that have been included in this article. Considering these three things will help you to have a better time at whatever type of date you decide to go on. Remember to take into consideration common interests between you and your loved one, previous dates and experiences that you have been on with your loved one, and the sharing of ideas when deciding where to go for a great date.
Many people think of dates as something for young, new couples who are in love. This is true. However, when people say that, they think fun dating trips and outings are exclusive to this group of people. This is not the case. Couples who have been together just a short time as well as couples who have been together for several years both deserve to treat their relationships to fun date ideas to keep their relationships enjoyable. Keeping a relationship new with periodic dates for just the two of you is a great way to stay close as a couple. The ways to decide on what kind of date you are going to take your loved one on include common interests, experiences you have had, and sharing ideas.
One of the first things to consider when deciding on where to take your significant other on a date is the interests that you have in common with each other. Many times, couples have several things in common, but have things that they do not share as well. When you are considering a place to take a date, always consider whether or not your date will appreciate your idea. If you are really into football, and your date is not, perhaps it is not the smartest thing to do to take your date to a football game. If you both like go-cart driving, this is a terrific date idea for the two of you.
Another thing to consider when trying to decide the location of a great date is to remember the experiences that you and your loved one have already had. If there is something that you have already done, and you have an opportunity to do something new and different, before you take the habitual date that you have already had, consider a new option instead of the same old thing. Keeping your mind open to sharing new experiences with your loved one is a good way to get closer to each other.
One other thing to think about when trying to decide on a date location is the sharing of ideas. When you are dating and trying to become closer by having common experiences with your loved one, it is very important that both parties have the opportunity for inputting ideas on where to go. If one party does all of the deciding, the other party could become resentful and begin to dislike not being able to ever choose date locations. A recommendation might be to do every-other dates. Every-other dates are dates where your loved one chooses, then you choose, and so on and so forth. By sharing ideas and sacrificing your likes and dislikes sometimes, you can have a happier relationship by allowing the other person to have a say.
Wherever you decide to take a date with your loved one, be sure to consider the three aspects that have been included in this article. Considering these three things will help you to have a better time at whatever type of date you decide to go on. Remember to take into consideration common interests between you and your loved one, previous dates and experiences that you have been on with your loved one, and the sharing of ideas when deciding where to go for a great date.
