Christian Singles Learn To Maximize Your Relationship Success

Christian Singles: Learn To Maximize Your Relationship Success

Christian singles, do you want to build healthy and successful relationships? If your answer is "yes!", then you must learn how to pick people with godly character traits, as well as be a person of godly character!

First, let's take a look at what healthy and satisfying relationships look like...

Henry Cloud and John Townsend teach in their book, Safe People, that healthy relationships include four qualities. First, they are safe emotionally and physically. Second, they have boundaries that are respected. Third, they draw you closer to God and help you to grow spiritually. And fourth, they do not compromise your Christian values.

There are some other identifying marks of a healthy relationship which Cloud and Townsend mention. For example you will feel built up not torn down. In other words the relationship will help you become who God wants you to be. Also, you will be drawn closer to others in a healthy way. In healthy relationships you can also expect mutual trust, respect and vulnerability as well as a balanced sense of giving and taking.

Most importantly you will experience healthy and satisfying relationships by looking for a mate based on Christian principles and by choosing to be a person of godly character yourself. Naturally, it is common even for Christian singles to be attracted to the outside of a person: their looks, their status, their achievements, and their intelligence. But remember, it is the inside of a person that we experience in relationships.

The time to evaluate character in others is before you get too deeply involved. As Cloud and Townsend say, "When the attachment deepens, the reasoning weakens." The scriptures warn us to, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23.

At this point you may be wondering, what kind of character traits should Christian singles look for and aspire to? Ruth and Boaz, two singles from the Bible, exemplify the kind of character traits to look for in a potential mate.

Ruth's character traits were: devotion to God and to family -- the evidence of her character was in her actions. She was humble and teachable. She was focused on her responsibilities. Her faith was in God to provide for her -- she trusted Him for a future spouse. She was a woman of her word. She did what she said she would do.

Boaz was devoted to God and to his farming responsibilities. He did not let his heart become entangled and he was not distracted from his priorities. He was a man of his word. He did what he said he would do. He was a Christ-type -- he exemplified the character and work of Christ - especially in his act of redemption for Ruth.

If you want to become a person of character, you must take personal ownership of your character development. You must be willing to stop blaming others for your short comings and failures. You are the only one who can do it. If you have a pattern of painful relationships take an honest look at your own character traits. Confess to the Lord the things you discover about yourself and make a plan for change. For example read a book on the subject, set personal limits and develop an accountability system.

If you have unresolved issues from your past such as trauma, abuse, abandonment or neglect and you recognize a pattern of painful relationships, find someone who will help you work through them like a pastor or a counselor. When people have been traumatized by these things as children, they often need to make changes that will bring healing and wholeness in order to function well in close relationships.

Finally, Christian singles need a plan for spiritual growth. Your plan should include making knowing and loving God a priority in your life. Choose to order your life around knowing God rather than finding a mate. Then pray for a mate who is committed to the same things. You see, God's primary work in each of us is to conform us to the image of Christ. As you devote yourself to God and His word, and yield to His Holy Spirit, your character will change. As your character changes you will likely experience more relationship success.

BONUS : Christians And Online Dating Sites - Why Should Committed Christians Be Online Dating

Online dating sites have been around for more than a decade now and their success shows no sign of slowing down. As technology advances there are more and more ways in which we can interact with each other. Soon phone technology will allow us to communicate by video with one another while on the move and GPS will allow us to meet with each other in a crowded shopping mall. These technologies are soon to be combined to help us all in our search for suitable partners. This is the cutting edge of the interconnected world we live in. Yet, with technology allowing these meetings to take place in the world, why are committed Christians still reluctant to use it to help them find partners?

Single Christians are in the un-enviable position of being highly restricted in a number of areas in regards to how they can meet new people. Firstly, if a Christian is single and is committed to their faith, they will be restricted to only wanting to date other committed Christians. This rules out a huge percentage of the population at a stroke. A non-Christian can walk down the street and see potential matches all the time. A committed Christian knows that the only (more or less) guaranteed place to meet suitable people is in their local Church. Secondly, not only can single Christians only really date other single Christians but the fact that these are only to be found in all kinds of Churches spread out all over the area they live in makes meeting them quite difficult. No one likes to be too obvious that they are looking for a partner and Christians are no different. In the goldfish bowl environment of the local Church the single Christian can feel particularly on show and this makes any approach to the opposite sex a scary experience. A rejection by someone in their own church can put them off dating for good.

So what can single Christians do to help themselves? This is where dedicated online Christian dating websites give a distinct advantage. There are several advantages which should be considered by committed single Christians.

Firstly, a Christian run online dating service will know and understand the particular needs of committed single Christians. Non-Christian sites cater for all kinds of people and can’t target their profiles to committed Christians and their searches allow all kinds of people to contact each other. This leads to approaches by unsuitable people that may lead the Christian away from their lifestyle. A Christian run site will screen people through specially designed profile questions and the essays will usually reveal if a person is really a committed Christian.

Secondly, a Christian run online dating site allows committed Christians to cross the Church and area boundaries. This allows them to approach people they may never meet in their ordinary day-to-day church activities.

Thirdly, by using an online Christian dating service committed Christians can pursue their relationships with anonymity and without interference and potential judgement by others in the church.

So now really is the time to get online and join one or more of the excellent online Christian dating sites.