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God S Blue Print For Saving Marriages
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"All things were created by Him and for Him...and in Him all things hold together" (Colossians 1:16b-17a). Having a successful marriage first requires you to understand what God had in mind for marriage. After all, If you want to understand the purpose behind an invention, you consult the One who invented it, right!
Since marriage is God's creation, He is in the saving marriages business. God created marriage for three very specific reasons, just like He created you, for very specific reasons. Our lives are more satisfying when we cooperate with God in fulfilling our purposes. Marriage is no exception...
First, you've probably learned that men and women were made in God's image (Gen. 1:26-27). But, did you know that within the marriage relationship husbands and wives also bear the image of God? They do this by demonstrating love and faithfulness to each other...like God does with us. You see, God covenants with His people, husbands and wives covenant to each other and God. So marriage was created to reflect God's faithfulness in the world.
The second reason God created marriage was to meet human needs. Needs for food, shelter and clothing as well as needs for love, acceptance, intimacy, and faithfulness. In that way marriage is a picture to the world of how God provides for His people.
Marriage is God's conduit for love. It was designed to be a safe harbor where a man and a woman could be totally naked and unashamed. A place where they could experience the unconditional love and acceptance of God through each other.
Third, marriage is one of the ways God expands His Kingdom and accomplishes His work in the earth. He commanded men and women to go forth and multiply, be fruitful and take dominion over the earth(Genesis 1:28).
Unfortunately, it is very difficult to do as God commanded when you are at odds with your spouse. Conflict drains our emotional and creative energies. Sadly, many husbands and wives feel like they are sleeping with the enemy instead of with their comrade in arms.
Marriage was designed with unity in mind. When a husband and wife are on the same page, so to speak, they are reflecting the unity of the Godhead. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). Unity is so important that Jesus told us it would be a great sign to the world testifying that He truly is the Son of God (John 17:23).
Okay, now you have the general idea God had in mind when He designed marriage, but saving marriage requires a plan.
First, you need to decide, once and for all, are you going to commit to honoring God through your marriage. Are you going to do it God's way? Are you going to trust His word, His plan and His design? If you answered yes, let's move on...
If you're making a plan to improve or save your marriage you need to start out on the right foot. That means getting right with God and your spouse first! To get right requires humility. It requires taking responsibility for the negative, sinful things you have contributed to your marriage without justifying yourself or blaming your spouse.
Confession of sin can be a turning point in our lives. It means we are in agreement with God about our sin and we are choosing to turn away from it. When we do this, God's word promises to give us the power to accomplish that. Some of the things you may want to consider confessing are: the ways in which you have not trusted and honored God, the ways you have not obeyed His word, the consequences of your choices to you, your spouse and your marriage.
Exercising humility is a crucial part of any saving marriages plan. Making confession of sin a regular part of your marriage will keep you humble and help to maintain emotional intimacy. Apologies go a long way in keeping our hearts pliable and loving towards our spouse and God.
The next step in the saving marriages blueprint is making a plan for knowing your spouse's most important needs. You also must become intentional about meeting those needs. Your spouse will feel more connected and in love with you when you are meeting his/her most important emotional needs.
Regular prayer is necessary for a successful marriage. Pray that God would show His love and faithfulness to your spouse through you. Prayer is how we experience the personal relationship we have with God through Christ. It is also where we avail ourselves to the grace of God. Therefore, your plan for saving marriage must include daily prayer for your spouse and your ability to love them.
A marriage that reflects God's image is a safe marriage. God is our refuge, therefore your marriage should be a refuge for both you and your spouse. A safe relationship is one where both husband and wife feel accepted even if there are disagreements. A plan for saving marriages needs to include a plan for safety. Neither spouse should ever have to worry about the proverbial nuclear bomb being dropped on them!
That's why a plan for saving marriages must address conflict. Your marriage can be free from condemnation, contempt, critical attitudes and defensiveness. It's your choice! It can be a place where you are quick to take responsibility for your own actions and slow to point your finger of blame. It is not, however, a marriage that is free from conflict. But, yours can be a marriage where both parties fight fair.
Finally, your saving marriages plan needs to include specific goals, goals that are written down. After all, God wrote down His plan...we call it the Bible! Isn't that a good enough reason for you to write down your plan for your marriage. Written goals are powerful. They help move a plan into motion.
Keep in mind, your goals need to be consistent with God's purpose for your marriage. Your goals will help you stay on track and give more purpose, meaning and direction to your marriage and family life. You may want to have goals in the following areas: Spiritual (we will study and pray together regularly), parenting (we will always be unified when disciplining the children), finances ( we will decide on a budget and stick to it), health (we will exercise regularly and eat right), communication (we will speak lovingly and respectfully to one another).
Well, that should be enough to get you started developing your own personal saving marriages plan. Remember, the Creator of marriage is in the business of saving marriages. Put your hope in the Lord for with Him is unfailing love and full redemption (Psalm 130:7).
< < < Glad To Be Married
BONUS : Great Gift Ideas For Your Groomsmen
Choosing a gift for the groomsmen could be a difficult task for many grooms. Most grooms dont want to go with a gift that is too traditional or unoriginal but they also struggle with feelings that a gift that is too creative may not be appropriate. Perhaps the most important aspect of a groomsmen gift is not whether it is traditional or unique but whether or not it fits the personality of the recipient. As long as you know your groomsmen very well and put an honest effort into finding their groomsmen gifts you are sure to find a gift that will be enjoyed by your groomsmen.
One of the most traditional groomsmen gift ideas is a flask. If this is something that you think your groomsmen will fully enjoy then by all means go out and buy them the most attractive silver or leather flask that you can find. Its important to choose a gift not because of its traditional connotations but because you know the groomsmen will cherish the gift. If you believe that your groomsmen have a use for a flask or will be touched by receiving such a traditional gift as a souvenir and not be concerned by its lack of practicality then a flask may be a wonderful gift idea.
A CD case with a few CDs chosen specifically for the groomsmen can be a great gift idea if you know that your groomsmen enjoy music. This is a wonderful gift idea because it is sure to be used often by the recipient and your groomsmen will remember your wedding day each time they listen to one of their CDs. This is also a thoughtful gift because including CDs that you know your groomsmen will enjoy but do not already own shows that you really put an effort into choosing the gift. Personalizing the gift for each of the groomsmen also shows that you see them as individuals and took the time and effort involved in making the gift unique for each of them.
A mens perfume or fragrance can be another unique gift idea for the groomsmen. Choosing a different fragrance for each member of the wedding party sends the message that you did not buy your gifts in a rush. Taking the time to choose a unique fragrance for each of your groomsmen lets them know that you truly appreciate their assistance and participation in your wedding.
Another idea for giving gifts for your groomsmen is to give each man a different gift. While the groomsmen are all close friends of the groom and may have certain common interests, they all still have something about them that makes them unique. You could recognize their individuality by personalizing a unique gift for each of your groomsmen. For example you could give a journal and fancy pen to the groomsman who likes to write and an assortment of dance CDs to the groomsman who enjoys going to nightclubs and dancing. While traditionally grooms have given each of their groomsmen either the same gift or very similar gifts, it is also acceptable to give each groomsman a unique gift that suits their personality.
Bracelets or watches are another traditional groomsmen gift idea. Depending on your budget, you might want to purchase a watch or bracelet that is appropriate to wear on your wedding day. This is a wonderful gift that not only expresses your appreciation for participating in your wedding but also gives the groomsmen a nice accessory to wear at your wedding and other formal functions.
Cuff links or tie clips are still another traditional gift idea for a groom to give to his groomsmen. These items are not very common and many groomsmen do not own either so giving them as a gift ensures that the groomsmen will have these items to wear with their tuxedo on your wedding day. Although these are traditional gift ideas, you could make them more modern by giving each groomsman an accessory that suites their personality. For example you could give your sports loving groomsman a tie clip that is in the shape of a basketball while you could give your musically inclined groomsman a tie clip that is in the shape of a few musical notes. Giving each of your groomsmen a variation of the same idea makes even the most traditional gift idea appear modern.
Groomsmen can be difficult to buy gifts for because many of the traditional groomsmen gifts seem boring or impractical. Traditional gifts can be made more modern with the introduction of a twist such as a variation in each groomsmans gift instead of giving them each the exact same thing. The most important thing to consider in choosing a gift for your groomsmen is to make sure the gift will reflect the personality of the recipient.
Choosing a gift for the groomsmen could be a difficult task for many grooms. Most grooms dont want to go with a gift that is too traditional or unoriginal but they also struggle with feelings that a gift that is too creative may not be appropriate. Perhaps the most important aspect of a groomsmen gift is not whether it is traditional or unique but whether or not it fits the personality of the recipient. As long as you know your groomsmen very well and put an honest effort into finding their groomsmen gifts you are sure to find a gift that will be enjoyed by your groomsmen.
One of the most traditional groomsmen gift ideas is a flask. If this is something that you think your groomsmen will fully enjoy then by all means go out and buy them the most attractive silver or leather flask that you can find. Its important to choose a gift not because of its traditional connotations but because you know the groomsmen will cherish the gift. If you believe that your groomsmen have a use for a flask or will be touched by receiving such a traditional gift as a souvenir and not be concerned by its lack of practicality then a flask may be a wonderful gift idea.
A CD case with a few CDs chosen specifically for the groomsmen can be a great gift idea if you know that your groomsmen enjoy music. This is a wonderful gift idea because it is sure to be used often by the recipient and your groomsmen will remember your wedding day each time they listen to one of their CDs. This is also a thoughtful gift because including CDs that you know your groomsmen will enjoy but do not already own shows that you really put an effort into choosing the gift. Personalizing the gift for each of the groomsmen also shows that you see them as individuals and took the time and effort involved in making the gift unique for each of them.
A mens perfume or fragrance can be another unique gift idea for the groomsmen. Choosing a different fragrance for each member of the wedding party sends the message that you did not buy your gifts in a rush. Taking the time to choose a unique fragrance for each of your groomsmen lets them know that you truly appreciate their assistance and participation in your wedding.
Another idea for giving gifts for your groomsmen is to give each man a different gift. While the groomsmen are all close friends of the groom and may have certain common interests, they all still have something about them that makes them unique. You could recognize their individuality by personalizing a unique gift for each of your groomsmen. For example you could give a journal and fancy pen to the groomsman who likes to write and an assortment of dance CDs to the groomsman who enjoys going to nightclubs and dancing. While traditionally grooms have given each of their groomsmen either the same gift or very similar gifts, it is also acceptable to give each groomsman a unique gift that suits their personality.
Bracelets or watches are another traditional groomsmen gift idea. Depending on your budget, you might want to purchase a watch or bracelet that is appropriate to wear on your wedding day. This is a wonderful gift that not only expresses your appreciation for participating in your wedding but also gives the groomsmen a nice accessory to wear at your wedding and other formal functions.
Cuff links or tie clips are still another traditional gift idea for a groom to give to his groomsmen. These items are not very common and many groomsmen do not own either so giving them as a gift ensures that the groomsmen will have these items to wear with their tuxedo on your wedding day. Although these are traditional gift ideas, you could make them more modern by giving each groomsman an accessory that suites their personality. For example you could give your sports loving groomsman a tie clip that is in the shape of a basketball while you could give your musically inclined groomsman a tie clip that is in the shape of a few musical notes. Giving each of your groomsmen a variation of the same idea makes even the most traditional gift idea appear modern.
Groomsmen can be difficult to buy gifts for because many of the traditional groomsmen gifts seem boring or impractical. Traditional gifts can be made more modern with the introduction of a twist such as a variation in each groomsmans gift instead of giving them each the exact same thing. The most important thing to consider in choosing a gift for your groomsmen is to make sure the gift will reflect the personality of the recipient.
