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11 Tips For The Matrimonially Challenged
Ahhh, jumping the broom. Its not for everyone, but it's manageable if you have the right information. I was completely caught off guard by some of the situations Ive encountered in nearly eleven years of holy matrimony and if youre not prepared, youll be running full speed ahead back to the single life. Fortunately, my husband and I loved each other enough to pull our family together and live happily ever after.
You say you want happily ever after also? Well, I submit to you a list of valuable lessons I've learned throughout the years. Of course, I can't really promise you eternal love, but a few of these tips will save you from unnecessary suffering, guaranteed.
*Be crowned the king/queen of two-timing BEFORE you commit
In other words, it's so much easier to play the field while youre single, instead of getting married and deciding you want to see a whole lot of other people. Seems like this would be easy to figure out, right? Well, apparently its not. Some people dont realize the big mess theyve created until its way too late and theyre unable to come back from it. Can you say: Alimony, monthly child-support payments and a second job to support yourself? Not to mention various sexually transmitted diseases, some fatal.
*Marry someone you are also friends with.
Declare to spend the rest of your life with someone who really likes you as a person, not just as a sexual partner. Sometimes, sex will be nonexistent for short periods of time (pregnancy, illness). If you and your better half like each other, as well as love each other, the foundation that was built on friendship will be more than enough to get you through those rough patches. Besides, being best friends with your spouse makes marriage so much more fun!
*Don't put your spouse on a pedestal
Everyone makes mistakes, so leave room for plenty of them. If you're looking for the perfect spouse and marriage you're probably living in a fantasy world. Simple rules apply in our vows, but we all act a little human sometimes and vows become the hardest thing in the world to stick to. This is to be expected, so try not to come down too hard on your other half for not being a saint at all times and the two of you will be just fine.
*Leave the past in the past
Geez, are you still nagging about all those awful things that happened three years ago. Get over it. No one wants to hear the remix of how much of a jackass they used to be, especially when you all agreed to work it out and things are going great. If you just can't stop bringing it up every five minutes, maybe its time to seek counseling. Otherwise, concentrate on the good things and push forward.
*Put your spouse and children first
Nothing is going to send you to divorce court faster than in-law drama. I know you want everyone to get along, but understand that you are not responsible for your mother, father or siblings happiness. Your main responsibility is to keep your house in order. If your parents and siblings can't get with the program, be prepared to take a hiatus from them until they have learned to respect you and your mate. If something in them forbids them to do so, stay true to the one who really matters and that should be you. If you truly want a successful marriage, sometimes you have to learn to love from a distance.
*Never disrespect your home
You already know your family hates your husband/wife, so stop going to them and talking behind his or her back whenever you two have an argument. One, it just makes your family loathe your spouse even more and two, your marriage is on the wrong track if you're pouring salt on your significant other. Also, keep your house a home by not having the wrong people coming and going. This is bad for any relationship, married or not. Keep the drama queen/king out of your house, they're only looking to start trouble.
*Keep marital advice from someone who isn't married to a minimum
Realistically, you probably shouldnt take marital advice from someone who has never been married, just like you probably shouldn't take childrearing advice from someone who doesn't have kids. I know it sounds a little harsh, but it makes sense. Would you take flight instruction from someone who has never even had flight training? I wouldnt. In my experience, my unmarried friends have never said anything that could help my marriage. (Sorry guys, I know you tried, but...) Personally, I like to seek advice from older, experienced couples. There is no better way to prepare for marital warfare, than to get guidance from someone who has already been in combat and survived.
*Support your husband or wifes endeavors
Why do you shoot down every idea your sweetie comes up with? Will it really kill you to be supportive for once? No one will exist on a single thought for the rest of their lives. Realize that people grow and with growth comes change. It's understandable your spouse has aspirations outside of going to work and paying bills. Is your opposing attitude holding him back from starting that small business? Are you laughing her away from her dream of becoming an actress? Be supportive of your life companions dreams because if it works out for them, it will really work out for you.
*Keep passion alive!
She used to wear sexy boy shorts while the two of you were dating, but since you've been married and had two children all shes worn to bed are her gigantic granny bloomers. He used to say something flattering to you everyday, but now he barely notices you. These are common complaints and it can wreak havoc in a marriage. Life is busy and we all get weary from our day-to-day affairs, but just remember to take a little time out to spoil your spouse every once in a while. Let them know that you haven't forgotten about them and you appreciate all of their efforts. Show them that you are still the person they fell in love with even though life can get in the way. Your partner will surely return the favor.
*Communicate often
Talk to your spouse everyday about something other than the kids, the house, and the bills. Even if you don't spend a lot of time in the house together, a cell phone will solve that problem. Be sure to get some time to yourselves; go out on a date every once in a while or just snuggle on the couch and talk about constructive things. In my opinion, communication is the key to a successful marriage. Who wants to spend the rest of their life with someone who won't even talk? Who wants to have a disagreement, but not be able to discuss it intelligently? I'm a huge fan of heated discussions. At least we're communicating; not going in a room, slamming the door and stewing for hours. Let's hash it out, get it over with and make up. And who doesn't like making up? Wink.
Dont forget to:
*Pray!
Pray everyday for your marriage, your home and children. Prayer can bring reassurance and ease your mind when things go haywire. Do you know what would be even better? Pray together. You already know the saying, the family that prays together, stays together!
BONUS : 46 Clues Your Partner Is Having An Affair
Some of these signs of a cheating spouse are "tongue in cheek" while others are tell tale signs that commonly appear with a cheating husband or cheating wife. There is no copyright. Feel free to forward to those who might be interested. But please don't change anything.
Signs of a Cheating Spouse:
1) You find birth-control pills in her medicine cabinet, and you've had a vasectomy.
2) Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or girlfriend you are.)
3) Your cheating husband or wife stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.
4) Sets up a new e-mail account and doesn't tell you about it.
5) He leaves the house in the morning smelling like Irish Spring and returns in the evening smelling like Safeguard.
6) She joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout program.
7) She buys a cell phone and doesn't let you know.
8) He sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to his office.
9) The cheating husband carries condoms, and you are on the pill.
10) Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from the caller ID.
11) Deletes all incoming e-mails when they used to accumulate.
12) He becomes "accusatory," asking if you are being true to him, usually out of guilt.
13) Raises hypothetical questions such as, "Do you think it's possible to love more than one person at a time?"
14) He buys himself new underwear.
15) He insists the child seat, toys, etc., are kept out of his car.
16) The cheating wife stops wearing her wedding ring.
17) Has a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry.
18) Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his or her neck or back.
19) Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.
20) He/she fairly suddenly stops having sex with you.
21) He/she suddenly wants more sex, more often.
22) Supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay stub.
23) Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.
24) You find out by accident he or she took vacation day or personal time off from work - but supposedly worked on those days.
25) Shows a sudden interest in a different type of music.
26) Spouse's co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence.
27) Has a sudden preoccupation with his or her appearance.
28) Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer, especially after you have gone to bed.
29) He throws up a lot because he just ate at his mistress's house and had to eat the dinner you prepared when he got home.
30) Your spouse is away from home, either nights or on trips, more than previously.
31) His/her clothes smell of an unfamiliar perfume or after-shave. You see lipstick on your husband's shirt.
32) The amount of money being deposited into your checking account drops off.
33) You find items of intimate apparel or other small gift-type items that you did not give your spouse.
34) Your spouse seems less comfortable around you and is "touchy" and easily moved to anger.
35) You get calls where the caller hangs up when he or she hears your voice.
36) He/she loses attention in the activities in the home.
37) Your intuition (gut feeling) tells you that something is not right.
38) He/she has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the home.
39) She uses a low voice or whisper on the phone or hangs up quickly.
40) She has a "glow" about her.
41) Atypical erratic behavior.
42) He sneaks out of the house.
43) She sleeps with her purse by the bed.
44) She goes to the store for groceries and comes home 5 hours later.
45) He tells you that you can get hold of him at a different telephone number.
46) The telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask that question in the first place.
Some of these signs of a cheating spouse are "tongue in cheek" while others are tell tale signs that commonly appear with a cheating husband or cheating wife. There is no copyright. Feel free to forward to those who might be interested. But please don't change anything.
Signs of a Cheating Spouse:
1) You find birth-control pills in her medicine cabinet, and you've had a vasectomy.
2) Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or girlfriend you are.)
3) Your cheating husband or wife stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.
4) Sets up a new e-mail account and doesn't tell you about it.
5) He leaves the house in the morning smelling like Irish Spring and returns in the evening smelling like Safeguard.
6) She joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout program.
7) She buys a cell phone and doesn't let you know.
8) He sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to his office.
9) The cheating husband carries condoms, and you are on the pill.
10) Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from the caller ID.
11) Deletes all incoming e-mails when they used to accumulate.
12) He becomes "accusatory," asking if you are being true to him, usually out of guilt.
13) Raises hypothetical questions such as, "Do you think it's possible to love more than one person at a time?"
14) He buys himself new underwear.
15) He insists the child seat, toys, etc., are kept out of his car.
16) The cheating wife stops wearing her wedding ring.
17) Has a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry.
18) Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his or her neck or back.
19) Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.
20) He/she fairly suddenly stops having sex with you.
21) He/she suddenly wants more sex, more often.
22) Supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay stub.
23) Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.
24) You find out by accident he or she took vacation day or personal time off from work - but supposedly worked on those days.
25) Shows a sudden interest in a different type of music.
26) Spouse's co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence.
27) Has a sudden preoccupation with his or her appearance.
28) Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer, especially after you have gone to bed.
29) He throws up a lot because he just ate at his mistress's house and had to eat the dinner you prepared when he got home.
30) Your spouse is away from home, either nights or on trips, more than previously.
31) His/her clothes smell of an unfamiliar perfume or after-shave. You see lipstick on your husband's shirt.
32) The amount of money being deposited into your checking account drops off.
33) You find items of intimate apparel or other small gift-type items that you did not give your spouse.
34) Your spouse seems less comfortable around you and is "touchy" and easily moved to anger.
35) You get calls where the caller hangs up when he or she hears your voice.
36) He/she loses attention in the activities in the home.
37) Your intuition (gut feeling) tells you that something is not right.
38) He/she has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the home.
39) She uses a low voice or whisper on the phone or hangs up quickly.
40) She has a "glow" about her.
41) Atypical erratic behavior.
42) He sneaks out of the house.
43) She sleeps with her purse by the bed.
44) She goes to the store for groceries and comes home 5 hours later.
45) He tells you that you can get hold of him at a different telephone number.
46) The telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask that question in the first place.
