Christian Marriage Counseling

Christian Marriage Counseling

If you and your spouse are going through a difficult time, you may find that marriage therapy can be very beneficial. And if you and your spouse have a strong Christian faith, you may prefer to seek out Christian marriage counseling. Working with a counselor who approaches therapy from a theoretical perspective which aligns with your personal faith will prevent some of the clashes which may occur if you attempt to work with a secular therapist with a very different approach.

In order to find someone who specializes in Christian marriage counseling, you may want to consult with your pastor or other people in your church. You may also look in your local yellow pages or do a search online. If you search online, you can search for the terms “Christian marriage counseling”, “Christian marriage therapy” and that can help you get started. If you add the name of your city or county you will narrow down your search to someone in your proximity.

Once you have come up with a few potential therapists, you may want to try to find out a little information about them. For example, what are their credentials? Are they licensed? How long have they been practicing? You also may want to give them a call and see if you can find out a little information over the phone before committing to an appointment.

For example, you may want to ask them how much of their approach is based on Biblical principles. This can vary greatly when it comes to Christian marriage counseling. If you want someone who is going to use the Bible and prayer in the counseling session, you may want to inquire about that. Of course, this will depend on your personal preference.

If you can talk briefly by phone with two or three different therapists, you may get a better initial sense of whether or not this is someone with whom you want to set up an appointment. If the phone conversation doesn’t feel quite right, trust your instincts and move on to the next one.

In order for Christian marriage counseling to be truly beneficial to you and your spouse, it is particularly important that both of you feel comfortable with the counselor. If you meet for a session and one of you doesn’t care for the counselor, you may find the process very challenging if you continue to see this person.

Once you find someone who is a good fit for both of you, determine a schedule that will work for everyone. Having a therapy session early in the morning before work or mid-day is often not a good idea. Counseling can tap into some difficult emotions so it is best to choose a time of day when neither of you has other obligations immediately following the sessions.

As you begin the process of Christian marriage counseling, be sure that the counselor sets clear ground rules with regards to how the sessions will be handled, how long they will last, how emergencies will be handled, what to do if you need to cancel, and confidentiality issues. Also, be sure that you discuss your goals with the therapist so that everyone is on the same page with regards to what they want Christian marriage counseling to accomplish.

After you have done all this, approach the process with an open mind and the willingness to be ready to make some changes. Marriage therapy can be very beneficial, but you must be willing to do the work. In time, you may find that your marriage is back on track and stronger than ever!

BONUS : Christian Sex - 7 Barriers To Fulfilling Married Sexuality

Many Christian married couples have yet to experience a fulfilling sexuality. Yet, it is an essential ingredient for a vital Christian marriage. Here are 7 barriers to a fun and fulfilling lovemaking for Christian married couples

1. Not knowing what God says about sex

The first commandment God gave was to engage in sex (Genesis 1: 27-28.) God had just created humanity in His image, commanded them to be “fruitful and multiply”, and then commented “it was good” (Genesis 1:31.) Somehow, it seems like this was a priority for Adam and Eve.

2. Talking very little with your spouse about sexuality or your preferences.

When couples can share with their spouse about sexuality or their sexual preferences, intimacy is created. An emotional bond results from the intimate level of vulnerability on a conversational level. A great place to start talking about sex is to share what lovemaking means to you emotionally, how frequent you would like to have sex, and even times of the day or specific days.

3. Engaging out of obligation, rather than enjoyment

Many believe sex was solely intended for procreation, rather than recreation. To the contrary, the poetic references in the Song of Solomon describe lovemaking that is enjoyable and anticipated. Feel free to have some fun with sex with different positions and places. However, all must be with respect for your spouse’s considerations. I Corinthians 1:4 states that our bodies belong to our mates, not just us. It is written from a spirit of equality, where both spouses are to serve one another, rather than one controlling the other. For one spouse to force the other into sexual behaviors without consent is abusive.

4 Failure to plan

Many couples, Christians especially, are sexually frustrated. While some of this may be attributed to different sexual appetites, much more is a result of infrequency. Sex is never convenient, but is critical to a vital relationship. Plan for sex like you would any other appointment. Rather than thinking of this as stale, consider that it allows you and your spouse time to plan for the special time together. Planning also alleviates any concerns for sexual deprivation and sexual pressure.

5. Using sex as a reward or punishment

Sex is often used as a reward for some positive behavior. Or it can be withheld when one spouse is angry with the other. Couples sabotage themselves when their sex life becomes a bartering system. Because of its vulnerability, lovemaking must be unconditional to be meaningful. Find other ways to thank your spouse, and healthy ways to overcome your resentments.

6. Unresolved sexual abuse issues

Sexual abuse issues follow spouses into marriage. Victims of sexual abuse may have an aversion to lovemaking, or experience painful reminders of the past. For some, there may be a distortion of healthy sexuality. If you have been wounded from sexual abuse, realize that you did nothing to deserve this. Furthermore, there is hope. I encourage you to find a counselor that specializes in this area, and begin the road to recovery. It is one thing to survive sexual abuse, and another to overcome it.


7. Pornography

The most significant destructive force to a healthy sex life is pornography. And yes, I am talking about Christian marriages. Images are burned into a person’s mind, thereby creating an insatiable thirst for more erotic behavior, or harmful behaviors. Some couples have stated the use of pornography enhances their sex life. I disagree. Not only is it degrading, but it fosters empty relationships by focusing on the physical rather than love. If your marriage has been affected by pornography, find a qualified counselor to help you rebuild the intimacy in your marriage.

In my experience as a Christian counselor, a lot of confusion exists amongst married couples regarding a healthy Christian sex life. The reality is that God has given sex as a gift for married couples to embrace rather than tolerate, or misuse. So much of today’s culture promotes a contaminated view of sex. As Christians, let’s change our culture by strengthening our marriages with a healthy Christian sexuality