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The Revenge Affair Characteristics Of The Adulterer
"I Want to Get Back at Him/Her" is one of 6 kinds of affairs I outline in my E-book.
This is the "revenge affair." It occurs in a marriage in which one feels slighted in some manner and seeks revenge by engaging in an affair.
It is less a movement toward the other person and more a movement away from ones spouse. The offending spouse usually lacks the skills of personal confrontation or is frightened by the prospect of someone "getting upset."
When evaluating this kind of affair, make a distinction between revenge and rage. Revenge is not rage. Rage comes from a different source, as outlined in one of the other kinds of affairs.
Here are some characteristics of the person who uses infidelity as revenge:
1. Usually is rather unpredictable and erratic in his behavior.
2. Has a hard time making decisions.
3. Is often impatient and irritable when things dont go her way.
4. Some of the resentment seems to seep out along the edges, maybe when you least expect it.
5. Engages in teasing.
6. Can be stubborn and unyielding.
7. May often take oppositional view and pride himself on being contrary or taking an unpopular stance.
8. Can have moments of impulsive behavior and be labeled high-strung or tightly wired.
9. Has an underlying worldview that is pessimistic. Glass is half empty.
10. Has a tendency to wine or complain.
11. May have moments of sullenness and dejection.
12. Women may respond very intensely during their menstrual cycle. Men may appear very moody at certain times of the month.
13. Manipulates others with unpredictability and demandingness.
14. Family of origin often marked by factions and sibling rivalry.
15. Has difficulty with intimacy since her behavior patterns push people away.
If you are interested in learning about the 6 other forms of infidelity I outline in my book, "Break Free From the Affair," visit my website.
BONUS : The Right Time To Seek Counseling To Improve Your Marriage
Seeking help from marriage counselors is a good step in improving your marriage. This shows your sincerity in keeping the relationship together and to make it stronger. But this also shows that your marriage is on the rocks. Why seek counseling if the marriage is doing great?
Maybe the vow that you made together with your husband or wife in front of the church altar is not enough to keep your marriage out of trouble. This could be due to some uncontrollable circumstances, failure to address this problem is the reason why many married couples are now resorting to counseling., and if it doesn't work, a divorce may be the last recourse.
Some people look down at the thought of seeking counseling. They feel that a third person could not fix what the two of them couldn't. But getting a fresh perspective from an experienced person may just be the answer.
The Right Time
It would be advisable to start your marriage counseling on an early basispreferably before you get married or early in the marriage, especially if you sense that the two of you are having communication problems with each other.
Do not treat counseling like a sealant in the leakage. Some people have misconceptions that it should only be considered if the situation will lead to divorce. Instead of seeing it in that point of view, it will be better if you will take counseling to enlighten and help you and your husband or wife develop a clear and honest communication and proper handling of your problems once you and your partner get involved in a marriage.
Improve your marriage in its best condition. It will not be good if the two of you will just get a marriage counselor just because you are planning to separate from each other. Instead, let your marriage counselor be your guide in shaping your relationship in the best possible shape there is. Your counselor is not the best solution to your problemit is both of you that can fix it. It is your commitment and your dedication to the marriage.
Seeking help from marriage counselors is a good step in improving your marriage. This shows your sincerity in keeping the relationship together and to make it stronger. But this also shows that your marriage is on the rocks. Why seek counseling if the marriage is doing great?
Maybe the vow that you made together with your husband or wife in front of the church altar is not enough to keep your marriage out of trouble. This could be due to some uncontrollable circumstances, failure to address this problem is the reason why many married couples are now resorting to counseling., and if it doesn't work, a divorce may be the last recourse.
Some people look down at the thought of seeking counseling. They feel that a third person could not fix what the two of them couldn't. But getting a fresh perspective from an experienced person may just be the answer.
The Right Time
It would be advisable to start your marriage counseling on an early basispreferably before you get married or early in the marriage, especially if you sense that the two of you are having communication problems with each other.
Do not treat counseling like a sealant in the leakage. Some people have misconceptions that it should only be considered if the situation will lead to divorce. Instead of seeing it in that point of view, it will be better if you will take counseling to enlighten and help you and your husband or wife develop a clear and honest communication and proper handling of your problems once you and your partner get involved in a marriage.
Improve your marriage in its best condition. It will not be good if the two of you will just get a marriage counselor just because you are planning to separate from each other. Instead, let your marriage counselor be your guide in shaping your relationship in the best possible shape there is. Your counselor is not the best solution to your problemit is both of you that can fix it. It is your commitment and your dedication to the marriage.
