Simple Steps Can Create A Solid Marriage

Simple Steps Can Create A Solid Marriage

Issues that arise in marriages can be very complicated. Few issues are simple.

There are, however some very simple ways to keep your relationship positive and help you work your way through a lot of difficult situations.

Use these 7 tips to help you continue to nurture a positive relationship.

1. If you want your marriage healthy and positive, you have to really want to keep it that way. You have to decide that the marriage is important in your life and give it the time and attention it needs. Ask yourself daily, “Am I spending enough time and energy on the relationship?”

2. Focus on what you like and love about your spouse. Forget the negatives. We truly do get more of what we focus on. If you are having problems, begin focusing on the positive in your relationship and not the negative.

Most importantly, stop when you start to criticize your spouse. Turn your thinking to what you like about them and begin to see how your marriage gets better.

3. Kindness matters in marriages. Be kind. Very often, people in relationships treat the people closest to them worse than they treat acquaintances or even total strangers.

Go the extra step first. This week, do something kind for your spouse that you wouldn't normally do and without expectation of anything in return.

4. Show appreciation for your spouse. Make a habit of expressing appreciation. If you do, you'll find your marriage to be filled with much more happiness and joy. It might be something as simple as "I like your smile" or "Thank you for cooking dinner last night."

5. Ask for what you want. Most people expect the people who are in relationship with them to be mind readers. If you're expecting others to be psychics, you're in for a painful ride if you're in relationship with them. If you want your needs to be met, you have to tell people what these needs are.

6. Listen without judging or getting defensive. Be open to the possibility that someone else's opinion or way of doing things may be just as valid or important as yours.

Just because their way is different, doesn't make them or you wrong. If you're constantly judging, being defensive and building walls, you're not open to possibilities and to the love that is possible between two people.

7. Be willing to risk opening your heart and letting your spouse in. We can be in a relationship for many years and still not allow another person to penetrate our walls of protection. If you want to have a marriage that is alive and growing, being willing to risk is a prerequisite.

While these steps will not solve every issue they do lay the groundwork for a strong and healthy relationship.

BONUS : Six Easy Steps For Writing A Personal Wedding Song To Your Wife

Husbands can create a loving environment and successful marriage by showing their wives how much they are loved and cherished. In his ground-breaking book, "Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars," John Gray outlined the important differences between men and women. One of his key findings is that wives love to be touched and held. Wives love to be told, in a gentle and humble way, how important they are to their husbands. One of the most touching ways that a husband can show honor and respect to his wife is to write a personal wedding song for her. No matter if a husband has been married for a month or longer than 50 years, he can renew his marriage every day with a personal wedding song.

“What me sing? No way!” most husbands may say. “I can’t carry a tune, let alone do a solo.” While it may seem challenging, a personal wedding song is simply a love poem set to music. I know from personal experience of writing, recording and singing a wedding song to my wife, that it can be done. When I started, I had no guidance, just a gut intuition. All it takes to get started is to know what steps to take and then take the first step. Here are six steps every husband can take to show his wife what a treasure she is.

Step One. Acknowledge Your Wife

Write down five attributes that you love about your wife and admire her for. What five would you choose? Is she, an excellent listener, your best friend? Does she have a friendly and warm smile or a hilarious sense of humor? Does she love to surprise you? If you can list ten or more things, all the better.


Step Two: Write Down the Special Things She Loves

What does your wife treasure? My wife Cheryl loves purple, she loves to hold hands and be hugged, she is very action oriented, she is so thoughtful, she never forgets a family member’s birthday. She loves greeting cards, music, plays, going out to dinner. She is very wise about relationships. A personal wedding song should focus on what is unique and special to your wife and your relationship.


Step Three: Put Yourself and Your Feelings into the Song

I wrote a personal wedding song for my wife after 14 years of marriage. I titled it “Song of Our Marriage.” I wrote a touching refrain that honored her with a title, her role in my life and what that has done for me. The lyrics to the refrain go like this:

“Teacher of wisdom, you’ve shown me God’s face, your strength is gentle and fine as white lace. You listen with heart strings that sing out a song, it’s your love that makes me feel strong.”

Using your list in Step 2, choose several of your wife’s best traits and write down what they mean to you. If you need help with rhyming, you can get a Rhyming Dictionary. Or you can read books of poems or search the Internet through a Google Search to get a starter idea. Make sure to personalize your words, though, so that they come from your heart. You want to be authentic; a cheap copy of someone else passed off as your own may work against you.

Step Four: Make It Simple: Two Verses and a Refrain (more if you can)

Make your personal wedding song easy to sing, but unique to your wife. For example, remember the poems that start, “Roses are red, violets are blue?” You can expand that phrase into a verse, like:

"Roses are red, violets are blue,
I can’t see myself living without you.
You are my wife, the crown of my life,
my life would be empty without you.”

Step Five: Use a Familiar Tune for the Music

Did you know that is acceptable to "borrow" a melody (as long as you don’t sell it or claim it as your own) for your personal wedding song? In fact, if your wife has a special song that she likes, you might learn how to write lyrics that go along with it. If you get serious, you could find a musician or studio to help. When I wrote “Song of Our Marriage,” I figured out the melody by humming it, plunking out the keys on a piano and then finding a studio that produced the accompaniment. Use the Internet to find someone who can help. With downloadable MP3 files, you can actually produce a song on your PC.

Step Six: Sing the Song to Your Wife and Frame the Lyrics

Now comes the most important part – the delivery. Don’t write a personal wedding song and then stick it in your golf bag. Perform it for your wife. Record it. Frame the lyrics and hang the song in your bedroom or kitchen. For “Song of Our Marriage,” I created even a photo album with pictures of my wife in Lilac Park, in Disney World, with her friends, and more in several sections. Each section of the album reflected the verse and refrain from the personal wedding song.

There you have it, six steps to writing a personal wedding song for your wife. It takes work. If I can do it, you can do it too. Go ahead, take a risk. Your wife will be deeply moved by your touching gift and care for her.