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Saving My Marriage
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If the primary concern going through your head these days is “what am I going to do about saving my marriage”, you are definitely not alone. At any given time thousands of couples are struggling with marital difficulties. Many are in a full blown marital crisis or have already given up and filed for divorce. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Allow me to share with you some steps I took to get my marriage back on track when, like you, all I could think about was saving my marriage.
Change expectations
When my marriage was falling apart I had to realize that if saving my marriage was truly important to me, then perhaps I needed to start by changing my expectations. I was young and naĂŻve when I got married. I had all sorts of unrealistic expectations about marriage which were creating problems. Following were a few of them which I had to change:
• A good marriage should never have conflict
• My spouse should know me so well that I don’t need to say out loud what I’m feeling inside – if I’m upset, he should just know why
• There should always be lots of romance and excitement in our marriage
I wish I could say that is the entire list, but for the moment I will just share those. As you can see, I had expectations which were impossible for even the best marriage to live up to.
Be a giver not a taker
Another area which I really needed to change for the sake of saving my marriage was to stop always being a taker. While I didnÂ’t mean to be, I began to realize that I was often very selfish in the relationship. I expected my spouse to give and give, but I wasnÂ’t really giving much in return. I had to really step back and recognize that I couldnÂ’t take my spouse for granted; that I needed to let go of my self-centered tendencies and start looking for ways to be much more giving to my spouse.
Build up my spouseÂ’s self-esteem
One of the areas I had really let my spouse down was by not truly building up her self-esteem. I had just naively assumed that she never needed that from me. She had so many wonderful qualities. I rarely said or did anything affirming, because I thought she didnÂ’t need it from me. Needless to say, when I really started focusing on saving my marriage, building up her self-esteem became a top priority.
Be supportive
One of the key areas I really needed to focus on with regards to saving my marriage was to be much more supportive of my spouse. I had foolishly taken her strengths and self-confidence for granted. I didnÂ’t realize just how much she longed for my support, comfort and reassurance
Saving my marriage became a high priority for me. As I worked on each of these three areas I found that my spouse was responding by giving me more of the same in return. I had been neglecting my marriage for a long time. Hopefully, you will stop neglecting yours and begin taking some powerful steps. For me, it took time and effort, but it was well worth it. I hope it is for you also!
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BONUS : Say "i Do" To Understanding Prenuptial Agreements
What is a marriage? It's been called a blessing, a curse, an institution, and a 'ball and chain.' It's know as the 'ultimate bliss' and 'the 10th circle of Hell.' Sonnets, odes, songs, and mountains of books have been written about marriage.
Relationship advice columnist Ann Landers once wrote, "Every marriage is happy. Its the living together afterward that's the challenge."
Ann is right. Whatever else marriage may be, it's a gamble. It's also contract. So it has become increasingly common for people to enter into the bond of marriage with the caution formerly reserved for big business mergers.
The Eyes of the Beholder
From a religious perspective, marriage is a "holy union." From the state's perspective, marriage is a voluntary private agreement by a man and a woman to become husband and wife. And in the eyes of the judicial system, marriage is a binding contract with specific obligations under the law. And one day, that contract may need to be dissolved.
That's why prenups were created.
Marriage is an emotional and physical union, but it's also a financial union. A prenuptial agreement looks beyond the clear-and-present joy of two people in love. Instead of being 'caught up in the moment,' a prenup makes provisions for life's unexpected twists and turns. It's an important 'insurance policy' that protects both parties from an unknown future.
If you have something that matters to you, it should be protected by a pre-nup.
What Is A Prenuptial Agreement (Pre-Marital Agreement)?
In essence, a prenuptial agreement is a legal document - a contract between the bride and groom - made before they wed. In most cases, it details what will happen to their individual and collective incomes and assets if a death, divorce, or separation occurs.
Who Should Consider A Prenup
A prenup is not a 'test' of love. It should not be seen as 'the easy way out' for people who aren't sure their marriage will last. Instead, a prenup may be looked upon as a security net, a safe place to fall just in case you do.
Celebrities and millionaires wouldn't think of marrying without advice from their attorneys and a safety-ensuring prenup. But what about you? A prenup may be important for you if you...
* Have valuable assets (a home, stocks and bonds, retirement account)
* Own a business or are a shareholder in one
* May receive a large inheritance
* Have children from a previous marriage
* Have elderly parents or loved ones who need financial assistance from you
You may be surprised to learn that a prenup can protect your current assets and your future earnings. You should also strongly consider a prenup
* If one of you is much wealthier than the other
* If one of you will be supporting the other through college
* If you are pursuing a potentially lucrative profession such as medicine
* If you expect a dramatic increase in income because of professional success.
What Should Be In a Pre-Nup
All prenups include certain standard information. This includes the names of the parties, the date of marriage, purpose of the agreement, and a list of children from previous relationships.
Beyond that, it details the terms of the agreement. In other words, the obligations of each party. The terms generally fall under major headings such as
Property division
Support obligations
Household expenses
Matrimonial home
Business interests
Other property
Tax consequences
Estate planning
What Is Its Legal Validity
Until recently, it was not uncommon for prenuptial agreements to be overturned by the courts. Many were struck down for their unreasonable terms or gross inequality. But in a landmark case decided in March 2004, the Supreme Court of Canada upheld a duly executed marriage contract, despite the fact that the terms were unfair.
The court declared that while the terms of might questionable, the drafting of the agreement had met the legal requirements for a valid contract. This is a strong indicactor that the courts are reluctant to interfere in voluntary contracts made by two well-educated adults with legal representation.
Despite the move towards upholding prenups, however, there remain unimpeachable reasons why a prenup may be invalidated.
As a contract, a prenup may be invalidated for the same reason as any contract. Which is to say that it was entered into under duress, because of undue influence, fraud, unconscionability, fundamental breach, by mistake, and so on.
Grounds for invalidation also include failure by a spouse to disclose fully his/her assets and debts at the time of signing. And finally, the agreement may also be thrown out if one spouse did not understand fully the nature and consequences of the prenup.
What is a marriage? It's been called a blessing, a curse, an institution, and a 'ball and chain.' It's know as the 'ultimate bliss' and 'the 10th circle of Hell.' Sonnets, odes, songs, and mountains of books have been written about marriage.
Relationship advice columnist Ann Landers once wrote, "Every marriage is happy. Its the living together afterward that's the challenge."
Ann is right. Whatever else marriage may be, it's a gamble. It's also contract. So it has become increasingly common for people to enter into the bond of marriage with the caution formerly reserved for big business mergers.
The Eyes of the Beholder
From a religious perspective, marriage is a "holy union." From the state's perspective, marriage is a voluntary private agreement by a man and a woman to become husband and wife. And in the eyes of the judicial system, marriage is a binding contract with specific obligations under the law. And one day, that contract may need to be dissolved.
That's why prenups were created.
Marriage is an emotional and physical union, but it's also a financial union. A prenuptial agreement looks beyond the clear-and-present joy of two people in love. Instead of being 'caught up in the moment,' a prenup makes provisions for life's unexpected twists and turns. It's an important 'insurance policy' that protects both parties from an unknown future.
If you have something that matters to you, it should be protected by a pre-nup.
What Is A Prenuptial Agreement (Pre-Marital Agreement)?
In essence, a prenuptial agreement is a legal document - a contract between the bride and groom - made before they wed. In most cases, it details what will happen to their individual and collective incomes and assets if a death, divorce, or separation occurs.
Who Should Consider A Prenup
A prenup is not a 'test' of love. It should not be seen as 'the easy way out' for people who aren't sure their marriage will last. Instead, a prenup may be looked upon as a security net, a safe place to fall just in case you do.
Celebrities and millionaires wouldn't think of marrying without advice from their attorneys and a safety-ensuring prenup. But what about you? A prenup may be important for you if you...
* Have valuable assets (a home, stocks and bonds, retirement account)
* Own a business or are a shareholder in one
* May receive a large inheritance
* Have children from a previous marriage
* Have elderly parents or loved ones who need financial assistance from you
You may be surprised to learn that a prenup can protect your current assets and your future earnings. You should also strongly consider a prenup
* If one of you is much wealthier than the other
* If one of you will be supporting the other through college
* If you are pursuing a potentially lucrative profession such as medicine
* If you expect a dramatic increase in income because of professional success.
What Should Be In a Pre-Nup
All prenups include certain standard information. This includes the names of the parties, the date of marriage, purpose of the agreement, and a list of children from previous relationships.
Beyond that, it details the terms of the agreement. In other words, the obligations of each party. The terms generally fall under major headings such as
Property division
Support obligations
Household expenses
Matrimonial home
Business interests
Other property
Tax consequences
Estate planning
What Is Its Legal Validity
Until recently, it was not uncommon for prenuptial agreements to be overturned by the courts. Many were struck down for their unreasonable terms or gross inequality. But in a landmark case decided in March 2004, the Supreme Court of Canada upheld a duly executed marriage contract, despite the fact that the terms were unfair.
The court declared that while the terms of might questionable, the drafting of the agreement had met the legal requirements for a valid contract. This is a strong indicactor that the courts are reluctant to interfere in voluntary contracts made by two well-educated adults with legal representation.
Despite the move towards upholding prenups, however, there remain unimpeachable reasons why a prenup may be invalidated.
As a contract, a prenup may be invalidated for the same reason as any contract. Which is to say that it was entered into under duress, because of undue influence, fraud, unconscionability, fundamental breach, by mistake, and so on.
Grounds for invalidation also include failure by a spouse to disclose fully his/her assets and debts at the time of signing. And finally, the agreement may also be thrown out if one spouse did not understand fully the nature and consequences of the prenup.
