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Problems With Marriage

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Problems with Marriage

If you are experiencing problems with marriage, trust me, you are not alone. That being said, you may feel alone as you try to figure out the real issues and find a way to resolve them. And in many situations, that is easier said than done. But it is not impossible.

Many problems with marriage begin with unrealistic expectations on the part of one or both partners. This is particularly typical of people who get married when they are quite young or have not had previous long-term relationships. Unrealistic expectations inevitably lead to frustration, and can also lead to anger and disappointment. Perhaps some of the challenges facing your marriage are due to impossible expectations about the relationship or your partner. Let’s look at a few unrealistic myths which can lead to problems with marriage…

Hollywood Romance

Hollywood is the great perpetuator of romantic fantasy. After all, that’s what sells. Wouldn’t it be great if all marriages were as perfect or as exciting as they are often portrayed on television or in the movies? After all, doesn’t everyone’s husband leave a trail of rose petals leading to the bedroom, where there are at least 100 candles burning and another 5 dozen rose’s worth of petals strewn on the bed? (Seriously, where does anyone store that many candles?)

This fantasy idea that it should always be incredibly romantic can create problems with marriage. The reality is quite different. This doesn’t mean the romance has to end after “I do”, but it probably isn’t going to be quite as glamorous or extreme as it is in the movies.

Perfect Partner

It can be a brutal wake-up call when you realize one morning that the person you married isn’t as perfect as you thought. People who get married without really taking the time to know each other are particularly vulnerable to the problems with marriage which arise when they finally see the other person, warts and all, and realize that they have all sorts of flaws and short-comings.

Most people put their best foot forward in the early stages of a relationship. And some can hide their faults for quite a long time. To avoid problems with marriage like this really requires that you take the relationship slowly and don’t put your significant other on a pedestal. He or she will fall off at some point. You can bet on it.

Happily Ever After

Fairy tales are great for kids, but at some point, we have to recognize them for what they are: fantasy. While Cinderella and Prince Charming blissfully disappeared into the castle at the end of the story, we never got to see what happened inside those towering walls a few years down the road. No doubt a glass slipper or two got shattered when one of them was upset!

Marriage is not always happy and peaceful. That would be great but it is not reality. Conflict is going to occur. You are not going to agree on everything and in fact, you may find that you disagree on several things. That’s okay, if you are mature enough to recognize and appreciate that you are two separate individuals with different perspectives, values, preferences, needs and feelings. Once you can accept that, your problems with marriage will be a lot less challenging.

Don’t lose heart if you are experiencing problems with marriage. Check your expectations to see if perhaps they need to be altered a bit. Many couples find that by changing their expectations so that they are better aligned with reality, many problems will subside. If they don’t, then it is time to look deeper. But most problems can be overcome if both of you are willing to put in the effort.


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BONUS : Proposing On Valentine's Day - How To Make Sure She Says Yes

What a way to make sure that she remembers Valentine’s Day this year! Go ahead and plan a great way for you to propose to her. But, since this is such a wonderfully romantic day, you’ll need to find a way to do it in an extra special way to make it that much more enjoyable for you both.

Here are some helpful ideas about how to have a Valentines Day you will remember for the rest of your lives together.

At The Restaurant

One way that you can do this is to let the manager of the location in on what you are doing. If you do, they are sure to make sure that the evening goes well for you. They may be able to provide you with some extra ideas or to make the most of this. Some will even provide you with a cake to go with your special day. In fact, you may be able to take that cake and have the words, “Marry Me” added to it.

Candy

You can use candies to propose in a number of ways. For example, replace one of the candies in a heart shaped box of them with an engagement ring wrapped in red tissue paper. Or, take all of the “Marry Me” candies out of the big bag of candy hearts and present a box full of them to her. Make sure to present her ring and get down on one knee after you give them to her.

On The Air

If she has a special radio station that she always listens to, call in and ask the announcer if you can propose on the air. You may need to actually purchase some air time to do so; you’ll need to make sure you have plenty of time to do this.

A Surprise

Not the romantic type? If you aren’t, she is sure to catch on when you want to have an especially romantic dinner. Instead, make sure you find a unique way to present the question to her. If you can get the waiter alone, ask them to include the ring in that is tied to a ribbon in her menu. Or, slop it around her drink. There are many ways in which you can make it a surprise. Once she sees the ring, make sure to pop the question!

Another way to go about surprising her is through anything but a romantic dinner. For example, if she reads novels, grab one of the ones that she has read, glue the pages together except for the center and then cut a small hole into the book, just big enough for the ring. Leave it on the nightstand or on her pillow.

Theater

Do you both love to visit the theater? If so, this can be the perfect place to propose. See if the theater will allow you to propose on stage. In fact, you may be able to get the actors and the manager in on it too. Ask them if there is a way that they can help you with the task at hand. Or, perhaps purchase some ad space in the program for that evening. Include your first name, her first name and a “Marry Me” question. Make sure to point it out if she doesn’t see it.

Roses

Visit your florist and ask them to tie the ring inside the bouquet, or do it yourself. Then, when you present them, make sure to tell her to look for the ring inside.

These are some special ways that you can make proposals just perfect for your special love. Valentine’s Day makes them that much more special!
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