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Marriage Counseling Therapy
Marriage can be wonderful and complicated; happy and sad; exciting and mundane. Rarely is it smooth sailing throughout its course, which is why many couples seek out marriage counseling. Therapy can be very beneficial if your marriage is hitting some rough seas. With a qualified therapist you and your spouse can find new ways to navigate the course of your marriage more effectively. Conflict will never disappear altogether, as you are both human. But it can be minimized at least to some degree so your marriage stays intact.
There are many different issues which may come to the surface if you and your spouse decide to go to marriage counseling. Therapy for couples will help you look at things in a new light, consider unhealthy patterns, and find ways to communicate better. Sometimes things may get worse before they get better as you face tough issues and open up wounds which have never really healed. But these wounds must be opened and dealt with if things are to get better in your marriage.
In marriage counseling, therapy is like cleaning out the infected wound so it can finally heal once and for all. It will hurt at first, but it is well worth it in the long run. A skillful therapist will work with you to find the best ways to manage the pain as you go through the process.
One of the key issues that often comes up is difficulty letting go of the past. Hanging on to old hurts, harboring resentment, and refusing to forgive will keep you stuck. Letting go of the past is difficult for a lot of people, but it is essential for the sake of your marriage and for you to make progress in the course of your marriage counseling. Therapy wont fix you, but it can help you to get unstuck and find a way to let go.
Holding on to the past is destructive to a relationship. If either you or your spouse are doing this then it is going to show up in various ways in your relationship. What often happens is that whenever there is a conflict, one of you brings up the past and uses it as ammunition against the other. While it may give you a sense of leverage or power in the moment, it keeps you both stuck.
Dredging up past wrongs is like pulling a scab off a sore and letting it bleed all over again. Needless to say, it is a destructive behavior which must be addressed in your marriage counseling. Therapy can be the safe place to address this once and for all, and to start working towards letting it go.
If you are the spouse whose past offense is frequently thrown back in your face, you no doubt know the sting and guilt that accompany such painful reminders. We all make mistakes. And we all desire forgiveness. It is difficult to be in a relationship with someone who just cant let something go.
Sometimes its easier to forgive others and let go when we have experienced real forgiveness ourselves. But when you havent, and it is hurting your marriage, then you may really benefit from marriage counseling. Therapy is much less costly than a divorce. And if you give it a chance, you may find that you and your spouse can finally heal the wounds and have a stronger marriage than ever!
BONUS : Marriage Counseling: Use The Waiter Rule To Evaluate A Date Or Partner
Working my way through college, I waited tables and tended bar. Though I have several degrees with an emphasis on human behavior and psychology, I swear I learned more about people from slinging hash and pouring drinks. I can remember accidentally spilling a few drops of an ice cream drink on a ladys skirt and being totally humiliated as she screamed at me in the restaurant. I also recall a very kind man who didnt get upset even though there were repeated problems with his order.
Rudeness to service staff reveals information about a persons character reported in a recent article in USA Today. Office Depot CEO Steve Odland, who also waited tables as a teenager, states, You can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she treats a waiter. It seems that he is not the only CEO to discover the Waiter Rule.
The Waiter Rule has been identified by many executives, including Raytheon CEO Bill Swanson. There is one rule that Swanson says never fails: A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, or to others, is not a nice person. Swanson first identified this phenomenon when he was eating with a man who became irate to a waiter because the restaurant did not stock a particular wine.
Watch out for people who have a situational value system, who can turn the charm on and off depending on the status of the person they are interacting with, Swanson writes. Be especially wary of those who are rude to people perceived to be in subordinate roles.
The Waiter Rule has also been noticed on the dating scene. A November survey of
2,500 by Its Just Lunch, a dating service for professionals, found that being rude to waiters ranks No. 1 as the worst in dining etiquette. Some waiters report that women will actually pull them aside to see how much their dates tipped to obtain insight into his use of money and other tendencies.
The Waiter Rule can also apply to how people treat those in other service roles like bellmen, hotel maids, clerks and secretaries according to USA Today. This can be more indicative of someones character than all the charm you experience in the relationship.
Using the Waiter Rule can be an accurate predictor of character because it isnt easily learned or unlearned. It is more likely a persons true colors and speaks to how they were raised and their value system. How a potential partner treats a waiter may be how they will treat you.
Some behaviors that indicate a problem:
*Playing the power card. Comments like I could buy this place, or Do you know who I am? reveal more about the diners character than his wealth or power. It is unlikely that he will be compassionate to you if he is consumed with power and control.
*Having a short fuse. This person may have an ego that is out of control. It is a way of saying that she is better than the wait staff; she is special. These people tend not to be collaborative in relationships.
*Demanding about every detail. You may be looking at a micro-manager who consistently sends the message that your efforts are not good enough. He may be critical and demeaning rather than supportive and encouraging.
*Speaking in a condescending manner. The message here is clear; she thinks she is better than those in subordinate positions. She may have a need to feel important by putting others down.
*Making a public scene. If he embarrasses you in the restaurant, he will embarrass you at home. At best he has poor manners, at worst, his judgment is faulty. Either way, he will not make a good partner.
*Easily turning on and off the charm. These folks have situational values, which may also indicate situational ethics. People with firm character adhere to their value system regardless of the circumstances. Avoid these people like the plague.
*Constantly looking around the room. Rather than being focused on the table conversation, he is distracted and not engaged. He may be looking to see who else is there or whether he is being noticed. Regardless, he will have the same behavior with you in other settings.
*Poor tipper. She may justify leaving a poor tip with various complaints about the service or the waiter. Anyone who has ever worked in a service industry knows that it is very hard work with a low base pay. If the service is adequate, a 15% tip is customary. A twenty percent or more gratitude is standard for exceptional service.
Try using the Waiter Rule whether you are evaluating a partner in a relationship. You may save yourself a lot of future problems by dining out.
Working my way through college, I waited tables and tended bar. Though I have several degrees with an emphasis on human behavior and psychology, I swear I learned more about people from slinging hash and pouring drinks. I can remember accidentally spilling a few drops of an ice cream drink on a ladys skirt and being totally humiliated as she screamed at me in the restaurant. I also recall a very kind man who didnt get upset even though there were repeated problems with his order.
Rudeness to service staff reveals information about a persons character reported in a recent article in USA Today. Office Depot CEO Steve Odland, who also waited tables as a teenager, states, You can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she treats a waiter. It seems that he is not the only CEO to discover the Waiter Rule.
The Waiter Rule has been identified by many executives, including Raytheon CEO Bill Swanson. There is one rule that Swanson says never fails: A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, or to others, is not a nice person. Swanson first identified this phenomenon when he was eating with a man who became irate to a waiter because the restaurant did not stock a particular wine.
Watch out for people who have a situational value system, who can turn the charm on and off depending on the status of the person they are interacting with, Swanson writes. Be especially wary of those who are rude to people perceived to be in subordinate roles.
The Waiter Rule has also been noticed on the dating scene. A November survey of
2,500 by Its Just Lunch, a dating service for professionals, found that being rude to waiters ranks No. 1 as the worst in dining etiquette. Some waiters report that women will actually pull them aside to see how much their dates tipped to obtain insight into his use of money and other tendencies.
The Waiter Rule can also apply to how people treat those in other service roles like bellmen, hotel maids, clerks and secretaries according to USA Today. This can be more indicative of someones character than all the charm you experience in the relationship.
Using the Waiter Rule can be an accurate predictor of character because it isnt easily learned or unlearned. It is more likely a persons true colors and speaks to how they were raised and their value system. How a potential partner treats a waiter may be how they will treat you.
Some behaviors that indicate a problem:
*Playing the power card. Comments like I could buy this place, or Do you know who I am? reveal more about the diners character than his wealth or power. It is unlikely that he will be compassionate to you if he is consumed with power and control.
*Having a short fuse. This person may have an ego that is out of control. It is a way of saying that she is better than the wait staff; she is special. These people tend not to be collaborative in relationships.
*Demanding about every detail. You may be looking at a micro-manager who consistently sends the message that your efforts are not good enough. He may be critical and demeaning rather than supportive and encouraging.
*Speaking in a condescending manner. The message here is clear; she thinks she is better than those in subordinate positions. She may have a need to feel important by putting others down.
*Making a public scene. If he embarrasses you in the restaurant, he will embarrass you at home. At best he has poor manners, at worst, his judgment is faulty. Either way, he will not make a good partner.
*Easily turning on and off the charm. These folks have situational values, which may also indicate situational ethics. People with firm character adhere to their value system regardless of the circumstances. Avoid these people like the plague.
*Constantly looking around the room. Rather than being focused on the table conversation, he is distracted and not engaged. He may be looking to see who else is there or whether he is being noticed. Regardless, he will have the same behavior with you in other settings.
*Poor tipper. She may justify leaving a poor tip with various complaints about the service or the waiter. Anyone who has ever worked in a service industry knows that it is very hard work with a low base pay. If the service is adequate, a 15% tip is customary. A twenty percent or more gratitude is standard for exceptional service.
Try using the Waiter Rule whether you are evaluating a partner in a relationship. You may save yourself a lot of future problems by dining out.
