Si vous n'êtes pas à l'aise avec l'anglais, utilisez ceci :
Cet outil vous fournit une traduction automatisée en français.
Infidelity Childs Play Or So You Thought
Infidelity is a funny little thing that come and bite you in the bum when you least expect it. Affairs might be fun at the time but infidelity isn't worth destroying your marriage for.
I often liken affairs to an addiction whereby however much you tell yourself you shouldnt be doing something you feel compelled to do the opposite. And of course, while its sitting there for you on a plate who are you to say no. However, infidelity is like any other addiction, there comes a time when you realise that this isnt what life is all about and decide to let go. Unfortunately, all too often the realisation comes too late!! Just remember, if you want to play such a dangerous game as adultery someone is always going to get hurt.
I personally believe that you shouldnt sleep with someone while you are sleeping in the marital bed. Infidelity can be really cruel on the cheated partner, have you ever thought how you would feel if you knew your partner was behaving the same as you?
Some people do have open relationships and it does work but ground rule number one has to be that your partner is aware and is happy with the situation.
If you are the one commiting adultery now is the time to ask yourself is infidelity really worth it. Is your life that bad that you need to shit on your spouse from such a great height? Do you love the person you are having an affair with and if so do you love them enough to destroy the lives of those around you. Is the new relationship strong enough to last and is it truly worth the infidelity?
A slight interlude I had a mare once who, fell in love with a gelding in another field. She wasnt really allowed to see this horse because where they were kept most of the owners preferred their horses to be in separate paddocks. This didnt make a difference to my mare who, would jump out of her paddock into the next as soon as you put her back in her field (where she had several companions). After a month of messing around, jumping 7ft high hedges and a series of five bar gates just to get to the one she loved she got evicted for bad behaviour. I took her to another yard where she immediately flirted with all the guys and totally forgot the horse that she had got herself (and her mate) evicted over.
Anyway back to marriages and affairs. The only advice I can give you if you are having an affair is that you have to make a choice, and you have to choose now. It is totally unfair to both your spouse and the person you are having the affair with to continue as you are, you need to choose .
The choice is hard but you have to make it with a clear head and an open mind. Just because you are going through a rough patch now doesnt mean to say that with a little effort you can't save your marriage and become stronger and ultimately be better than it was at the start. Before you destroy what was and could still be a good thing be 100% certain that even with a lot of effort you can't save yourr marriage and that the person you are committing the infidelity with and destroying your marriage for is someone you want to stay with for the rest of your life.
If your partner is having the affair, or you suspect they are, it doesnt mean that it is the end of your marriage. For one your suspicions might be incorrect and for two if its true you are now in the driving seat. The future of your marriage is in your hands. You need to decide whether or not you feel you can and want to save your marriage, is it worth saving and can you forgive you partner for such a stupid mistake. We all make mistakes and some of us make more serious mistakes than others but should infidelity necessarily ruin the rest of our lives?
You need to ask yourself:
Do you still love your partner?
Do you want to save your marriage?
And are you committed to trying to save it?
If you truly want to save your marriage then you will always wonder what if? if you dont make the effort now.
Just because your partner is having an affair it doesnt mean to say that they dont still love you and it doesnt mean to say that they dont want to try to work with you to save your marriage.
Don't just sit back and let infidelity destroy your relationship, say no to affairs and save your marriage before it's too late.
BONUS : Infidelity: Difference Between A Rage And Revenge Affair
The fifth affair I outline in my book, "Break Free From The Affair" is called: "I Want to Get Back at Him/Her." This is the revenge affair.
It occurs in a marriage in which one feels slighted in some manner and seeks revenge by engaging in infidelity. It is less a movement toward the other person and more a movement away from ones spouse.
Key Points:
1. The affair may be a direct response to the affair of the spouse. Ill show you! Take this! I want you to hurt as much as I hurt. Or the affair may be revenge for some other form of cut-off or perceived emotional injury: Im not getting enough here, so Ill show you! Or, There, I got your attention!
2. This typically occurs in a marriage where effective personal confrontation does not happen or happens ineffectively. There is a mistrust of expressing ones self fully to the other person. The marriage relationship usually is marked by civility, but the two, in essence, do not know each other very well. They are polite, but there is no fire. They may want more, but are not sure how to get more.
3. The fire that does exist is a smoldering tension under the surface of the marriage. The tension may be the result of the frustration that one or both experience when they believe their needs are not being met. There is a genuine desire for more from the spouse but its not happening.
4. This form of revenge affair serves as a wake-up call for the relationship. If, and I use the word if advisedly, the couple can get it out drain off the tension and begin talking about needs, yes, the relationship stands a very good chance of turning into something wonderful. One or both must say with a great deal of passion, I REALLY want you! I no longer will settle for the boiling frustration and seeming indifference to my needs. This is what I need and expect ..
5. There is another kind of revenge affair that holds less hope and is more destructive. A revenge affair may be the result of long-standing and unresolved anger or rage toward the opposite sex. There is a persistent pattern of the person pushing others away with rage or anger. There also is a great deal of projection, or this person blaming others for his/her situation.
6. This form of anger is more rage than frustration. The rage emerges from a desire to hurt rather than from the frustration of needs not being met. This person exhibits little concern, as well, for the other person. Whereas someone more frustrated because they want their needs met, is usually more considerate of the other person.
Tip: Begin to make distinctions between rage and frustration. Determine the type of revenge affair you must face. If it is rage, learn to protect yourself and set boundaries. Begin to take exceptional care of yourself. Begin to say no! If it is an affair of frustration, begin looking at your needs. Identify and express those needs. Take a risk. Turn up the passion button. Dare to engage about needs, both yours and the others.
The fifth affair I outline in my book, "Break Free From The Affair" is called: "I Want to Get Back at Him/Her." This is the revenge affair.
It occurs in a marriage in which one feels slighted in some manner and seeks revenge by engaging in infidelity. It is less a movement toward the other person and more a movement away from ones spouse.
Key Points:
1. The affair may be a direct response to the affair of the spouse. Ill show you! Take this! I want you to hurt as much as I hurt. Or the affair may be revenge for some other form of cut-off or perceived emotional injury: Im not getting enough here, so Ill show you! Or, There, I got your attention!
2. This typically occurs in a marriage where effective personal confrontation does not happen or happens ineffectively. There is a mistrust of expressing ones self fully to the other person. The marriage relationship usually is marked by civility, but the two, in essence, do not know each other very well. They are polite, but there is no fire. They may want more, but are not sure how to get more.
3. The fire that does exist is a smoldering tension under the surface of the marriage. The tension may be the result of the frustration that one or both experience when they believe their needs are not being met. There is a genuine desire for more from the spouse but its not happening.
4. This form of revenge affair serves as a wake-up call for the relationship. If, and I use the word if advisedly, the couple can get it out drain off the tension and begin talking about needs, yes, the relationship stands a very good chance of turning into something wonderful. One or both must say with a great deal of passion, I REALLY want you! I no longer will settle for the boiling frustration and seeming indifference to my needs. This is what I need and expect ..
5. There is another kind of revenge affair that holds less hope and is more destructive. A revenge affair may be the result of long-standing and unresolved anger or rage toward the opposite sex. There is a persistent pattern of the person pushing others away with rage or anger. There also is a great deal of projection, or this person blaming others for his/her situation.
6. This form of anger is more rage than frustration. The rage emerges from a desire to hurt rather than from the frustration of needs not being met. This person exhibits little concern, as well, for the other person. Whereas someone more frustrated because they want their needs met, is usually more considerate of the other person.
Tip: Begin to make distinctions between rage and frustration. Determine the type of revenge affair you must face. If it is rage, learn to protect yourself and set boundaries. Begin to take exceptional care of yourself. Begin to say no! If it is an affair of frustration, begin looking at your needs. Identify and express those needs. Take a risk. Turn up the passion button. Dare to engage about needs, both yours and the others.
