If Your Marriage Were A Business Would Your Spouse Be Looking Fo

If Your Marriage Were A Business… Would Your Spouse Be Looking For Another Job?

If your marriage were a business, would your spouse be looking for another job?

Our most important and intimate relationships often don’t receive the attention, time and training that we give our business relationships. Here are two secrets from the business world to apply to your personal relationships.

1. Know Your Customer

To grow a business, it is critical to understand your customers and prospects.

People communicate in different ways. Some people are highly visual and the way they process information and express themselves is in visual ways. For example, a visual person would describe their spouse using descriptive words like: 6 feet tall, brown hair, blue eyes, handsome, etc.

Auditory people take in their world by evaluating what they hear. They would describe their spouse in this way: “She compliments me and says the sweetest things”, “He has a deep voice and sings out loud.”

Kinesthetic people typically rely on how they feel and they learn by experience. They would describe their spouse in this way: “I get butterflies when she’s around”, “She holds my hand”, “He’s cuddly & warm”, “I feel safe and comfortable in his arms.”

Each of us has all three of these traits in us, though one tends to dominate. To discover which one your partner is, listen to the words they choose, then you can “speak” their language.

Before my husband discovered I was visual, he would get frustrated with me because he would explain things over and over and I just didn’t get it. I kept saying, “I don’t SEE it. I can’t PICTURE it.” Now, when he wants me to understand something, like our finances, he gets out a sheet of paper and draws a graph. Ahhh…

Your life partner is your biggest customer. Don’t risk losing your biggest account by taking your communication for granted. Save yourself hassle and heartache by paying attention to how your partner communicates… and make an effort to communicate in a way that is most natural to your partner.

2. Ask for the order. Ask the tough questions.

In business, once you’ve determined that your prospect is qualified to buy from you (and that your solution will solve their problem), it’s time to ask for the order.

In relationships we don’t always ask for the order. We often don’t ask the really important questions that will make the biggest difference. We ask her if she’d like Chinese or Italian food for dinner. We ask him if we should stay home or go out. But do we ask our partner how they would know they are loved?

Remember the Neil Diamond/ Barbara Streisand song, “You don’t bring me flowers; you don’t sing me love songs”? They sang about two people with two different strategies for knowing the other loved them. One person used to bring flowers and the other used to sing love songs. They both stopped, when life got busy with responsibilities. Now what they notice is that the other person doesn’t do what they used to do to show their partner love.

When my husband and I were dating and he’d go on a trip, I would slip love notes in his luggage. After a few years, the travel notes stopped. I didn’t stop writing them because I stopped loving him; I stopped writing them because I didn’t know it was important to him.

One day I asked him, “How do you know I love you?” and he said, “When you write me little love notes.” So, I made a note in my planner to “write love notes to Dave” every few days. I created structure to support my overall strategy to make sure my husband knows he is loved every single day.

How would you know you’re loved? How would your partner know? When you find out their strategy, do it! Ask the tough questions, ask for the order.

There are many business rules that apply to our personal relationships. Knowing your customer and asking for the order are critical if a business is to be successful. If your relationship was a company, and your partner was your biggest account, would you be confident that you know how to speak their language in order to be able to ask for the order?

BONUS : Infidelity - Childs Play Or So You Thought!

Infidelity is a funny little thing that come and bite you in the bum when you least expect it. Affairs might be fun at the time but infidelity isn't worth destroying your marriage for.

I often liken affairs to an addiction whereby however much you tell yourself you shouldn’t be doing something you feel compelled to do the opposite. And of course, while it’s sitting there for you on a plate who are you to say no. However, infidelity is like any other addiction, there comes a time when you realise that this isn’t what life is all about and decide to let go. Unfortunately, all too often the realisation comes too late!! Just remember, if you want to play such a dangerous game as adultery someone is always going to get hurt.

I personally believe that you shouldn’t sleep with someone while you are sleeping in the marital bed. Infidelity can be really cruel on the cheated partner, have you ever thought how you would feel if you knew your partner was behaving the same as you?

Some people do have open relationships and it does work but ground rule number one has to be that your partner is aware and is happy with the situation.

If you are the one commiting adultery now is the time to ask yourself is infidelity really worth it. Is your life that bad that you need to shit on your spouse from such a great height? Do you love the person you are having an affair with and if so do you love them enough to destroy the lives of those around you. Is the new relationship strong enough to last and is it truly worth the infidelity?

A slight interlude – I had a mare once who, fell in love with a gelding in another field. She wasn’t really allowed to see this horse because where they were kept most of the owners preferred their horses to be in separate paddocks. This didn’t make a difference to my mare who, would jump out of her paddock into the next as soon as you put her back in her field (where she had several companions). After a month of messing around, jumping 7ft high hedges and a series of five bar gates just to get to the one she loved she got evicted for bad behaviour. I took her to another yard where she immediately flirted with all the guys and totally forgot the horse that she had got herself (and her mate) evicted over.

Anyway back to marriages and affairs. The only advice I can give you if you are having an affair is that you have to make a choice, and you have to choose now. It is totally unfair to both your spouse and the person you are having the affair with to continue as you are, you need to choose .

The choice is hard but you have to make it with a clear head and an open mind. Just because you are going through a rough patch now doesn’t mean to say that with a little effort you can't save your marriage and become stronger and ultimately be better than it was at the start. Before you destroy what was and could still be a good thing be 100% certain that even with a lot of effort you can't save yourr marriage and that the person you are committing the infidelity with and destroying your marriage for is someone you want to stay with for the rest of your life.

If your partner is having the affair, or you suspect they are, it doesn’t mean that it is the end of your marriage. For one your suspicions might be incorrect and for two if it’s true you are now in the driving seat. The future of your marriage is in your hands. You need to decide whether or not you feel you can and want to save your marriage, is it worth saving and can you forgive you partner for such a stupid mistake. We all make mistakes and some of us make more serious mistakes than others but should infidelity necessarily ruin the rest of our lives?

You need to ask yourself:
Do you still love your partner?
Do you want to save your marriage?
And are you committed to trying to save it?

If you truly want to save your marriage then you will always wonder ‘what if?’ if you don’t make the effort now.

Just because your partner is having an affair it doesn’t mean to say that they don’t still love you and it doesn’t mean to say that they don’t want to try to work with you to save your marriage.

Don't just sit back and let infidelity destroy your relationship, say no to affairs and save your marriage before it's too late.