How To Survive Your Spouse S Affair

How To Survive Your Spouse’s Affair

In order to restore a relationship after your spouse has had an affair you may try the ploy:

"But I've changed, I'm a different person."

And your behavior may have actually changed - some of the time.
You mistakenly may continue to accommodate in different ways or change your behavior to fit your perception of what he/she wants.

Here are some problems with this strategy:

You, most likely, have not changed at all but, rather, are in a
reactive mode by responding to your difficult situation by "grabbing at straws." There is nothing really wrong with this. However, these changes usually lack staying power because they are born out of
reactivity.

You and your spouse both know it. Chances are that you will regress to your usual patterns as soon as the heat's off; your spouse intuitively knows this. He/she, most likely, thinks: "This will never last;" then becomes very suspicious.

Also, your changes may be seen by your spouse as your attempt to manipulate him/her. He/she may perceive your changes as a Sneaky strategy to get him/her to re-commit.

Your spouse may start feeling "cornered" and will most likely resent them, even though they are what he/she has been demanding throughout your marriage. Then even more alienation may emerge.

In this scenario you will lose respect and your spouse will not believe you or even know what to believe ABOUT you. By this time, s/he is very confused about what s/he wants and by trying on altered behaviors, you only add to that confused feeling. You become CONFUSING.

People don't want others trying to placate them. And if that is not true of your spouse as well, you may have to re-evaluate his/her fitness to be a mate.

Generally, spouses don't respect the placation strategy because there doesn't appear to be any "backbone." There doesn't appear to be any core self.

That is not very attractive.

The spouse often says something like: If you really can change so
easily now, why didn't you change when I wanted you to years ago?

I'm afraid it's too late now.

Sadness or resentment often emerges at this point when s/he encounters
your new behavior, thinking about what might have been, but
is no longer "possible." Also, spouses having affairs often blame them on the betrayed spouse and/or bad marriage ... don't buy into it. Where circumstances and others can influence what we do, they don't control it. Both spouses must take responsibility for their own behavior, right or wrong!

The best approach is to calmly re-commit yourselves to staying married within a framework of both of you assuming a fair share of your own responsibility for the problems and the solution. If that cannot be done independently it should be done through marriage counseling.

Copyright, Shery, 2006

BONUS : How To Thank 380 Million People With Class

Brides and grooms have to thank close to 380 million people during the year 2006. It sounds like an impossible task, but there is help. Wedding favors are small tokens of appreciation presented to the reception guests. Historically, wedding favors were valued little and often ended up in the trash after the wedding. The wedding favors of today are not your mother’s wedding favors.

As the average amount spent on weddings has skyrocketed to $28,000 brides have a larger budget for wedding favors. Only a few percent of the total budget is spent on favors, so brides have to be creative to find unique products.

Brides have to provide wedding favors for an average of 165 guests. You don’t have to spend an arm and a leg to buy stylish wedding favors. A couple of dollars per guest can get you a wedding favor that is going to be cherished. Make no mistake, though, a stylish wedding favor can make the difference between a good wedding and a great wedding

It is difficult to come up with gift ideas both men and women appreciate, so it make sense to have different favors for men than women. Men may appreciate an elegant wine stopper while you give a beautiful rose candle to your female guests.

Wedding favors can be a variety of different products. One of the most popular wedding favors is personalized chocolate. Chocolate is a sure hit with most people and it is only natural that chocolate wedding favors are a welcomed gift. One of the greatest advantages of chocolate favors is that they can be personalized. Often, the names of the bride and groom and date of the wedding is printed on the wrapper, while a short message such as “Thank you for sharing our special day!” is printed on the back.

Although destination weddings cost a couple of thousands dollars less than traditional weddings, brides don’t have to do without stylish wedding favors. Many destination weddings are in exotic beach destinations where beach theme wedding favors are most fitting. Seashell filled gel candles are favors your guests can cherish for years to come. Dolphin wine stoppers or bottle openers are functional wedding favors that perfectly fit the destination-wedding theme.

Although millions of dollars are spent on wedding favors, many brides leave ordering to the last minute. The best place to start your search for wedding favors is online. The prices and selections are abundant. The fierce competition among online favor retailers drives prices down benefiting the brides. It is possible to find functional favors for less than a couple of dollars per guest. Just a little effort and creativity can promote a favor from a throwaway item to something wedding guests will have in their home as a keepsake for years to come.