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What Is A Secret
As parents we have so much to worry about in regards to our children. We want to protect them from all of lifes dangers, yet we want to accomplish this without putting unnecessary fear into their lives.
When my children were small, we began talking about secrets. What is a good secret and what is a bad secret? This seemed to be a concept my children could understand, while accomplishing my goal of not scaring them.
Good secrets are things that you get to tell mommy or daddy. Such as we bought daddy a birthday gift. Today it's a secret but tomorrow we get to tell daddy. Another good secret is when the principal at school tells you there will be a party for your teacher but today it's a secret. Tomorrow however we get to tell the teacher.
As your children get a bit older, a good secret might even be your friend telling you she likes a boy. While your child may be asked not to tell the boy, your child could certainly tell you this secret.
So what is a bad secret? A bad secret is a secret that your child is asked to NEVER tell. A bad secret might be another child admitting they did something wrong and asking your child not to tell. It might also be an adult acting inappropriately with your child and telling the child to keep this a secret and not tell mommy.
My kids asked of course, "who will tell us bad secrets?". I began to tell them that bad people tell bad secrets, and quickly realized this is not true at all. Instead I chose to tell them that a bad secret can come from both a child and an adult who is doing something wrong. To this day I still believe that only someone doing something wrong will ask a child to keep a secret from mommy or daddy.
My kids and I spent many hours talking about secrets and that mommy and/or daddy must always be told secrets. I also assured them that they would NEVER get in trouble for telling mommy or daddy a secret. I can remember a few times, my kids slipping and telling a good secret when they weren't supposed to, but I kept my word and they never got in trouble. You see, I have often heard that someone acting inappropriately will say "if you tell your mommy, you will get in trouble". I never wanted my child to have a visual image of getting in trouble for telling mommy a secret.
BONUS : What Is Difficult Child Behaviour?
Most of us have strong opinions on how to guide our children's behaviour. Unfortunately, these opinions often focus on stopping the inappropriate behaviour and neglect to give significant emphasis to helping children learn new, more appropriate ways to behave. People who work with young children have a golden opportunity and an awesome responsibility to help children learn to make appropriate behaviour choices which, in turn, can lead to enhanced self-esteem and self-discipline.
To be effective, discipline for young children must be in place before the rules are broken. As a process of guidance, discipline can be divided into two major components: indirect and direct. In the area of indirect guidance, we need to look at the organization of the environment to encourage autonomy and to empower children. As well, we need to look at the people -- the teachers -- who nurture and help children learn.
Lots of parents worry about their childrenÂs active, noisy behaviour and tantrums. Sometimes it can be hard to work out whether a childÂs behaviour is normal, or the sign of a behavioural disorder.
Tantrums
Tantrums are not usually anything to worry about. TheyÂre a way of expressing frustration and most children have them in their early years (from age one to four). They can be loud and violent, and it's normal to find them upsetting or embarrassing.
Sometimes, if you can tell your child is about to have a tantrum, you may be able to distract her by getting her to look at something or giving a favourite toy.
Excitability
Young children, especially those aged five and below, are often energetic, noisy and excitable. Usually this liveliness is quite normal.
Sometimes, active and noisy children can be quite a handful, talking all the time, not doing as theyÂre told and seeming very restless. This kind of overactive behaviour is more usual among boys. Although this can be hard to deal with, itÂs only when a childÂs behaviour is extreme that it suggests a behavioural disorder.
Naughtiness
All children are naughty - scribbling on walls, fighting with siblings, cheekiness and ignoring requests are all part and parcel of growing up. Sometimes this behaviour is isolated to one-off incidents, or it may be a phase your child is going through.
Naughty behaviour may be caused by your child testing your reaction to find out what's allowed or triggered by a change in her environment (eg worries about school). It may be down to jealousy of a sibling or it may be a way to attract your attention.
Most of us have strong opinions on how to guide our children's behaviour. Unfortunately, these opinions often focus on stopping the inappropriate behaviour and neglect to give significant emphasis to helping children learn new, more appropriate ways to behave. People who work with young children have a golden opportunity and an awesome responsibility to help children learn to make appropriate behaviour choices which, in turn, can lead to enhanced self-esteem and self-discipline.
To be effective, discipline for young children must be in place before the rules are broken. As a process of guidance, discipline can be divided into two major components: indirect and direct. In the area of indirect guidance, we need to look at the organization of the environment to encourage autonomy and to empower children. As well, we need to look at the people -- the teachers -- who nurture and help children learn.
Lots of parents worry about their childrenÂs active, noisy behaviour and tantrums. Sometimes it can be hard to work out whether a childÂs behaviour is normal, or the sign of a behavioural disorder.
Tantrums
Tantrums are not usually anything to worry about. TheyÂre a way of expressing frustration and most children have them in their early years (from age one to four). They can be loud and violent, and it's normal to find them upsetting or embarrassing.
Sometimes, if you can tell your child is about to have a tantrum, you may be able to distract her by getting her to look at something or giving a favourite toy.
Excitability
Young children, especially those aged five and below, are often energetic, noisy and excitable. Usually this liveliness is quite normal.
Sometimes, active and noisy children can be quite a handful, talking all the time, not doing as theyÂre told and seeming very restless. This kind of overactive behaviour is more usual among boys. Although this can be hard to deal with, itÂs only when a childÂs behaviour is extreme that it suggests a behavioural disorder.
Naughtiness
All children are naughty - scribbling on walls, fighting with siblings, cheekiness and ignoring requests are all part and parcel of growing up. Sometimes this behaviour is isolated to one-off incidents, or it may be a phase your child is going through.
Naughty behaviour may be caused by your child testing your reaction to find out what's allowed or triggered by a change in her environment (eg worries about school). It may be down to jealousy of a sibling or it may be a way to attract your attention.
