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The Secrets To Improving Kids Behaviour

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The Secrets To Improving Kids' Behaviour

Most parents at some stage are driven to distraction by one or more of their childrenÂ’s annoying habits or behaviours, whether it is a toddler who continually whines, a school-aged child who leaves clothes lying around or a teenager who uses a less than pleasant vocabulary.

How to affect change is a challenge for many parents. Do you ignore a childÂ’s annoying behaviour or do you pick up on it? A useful rule of thumb is to pick up on behaviours that are dangerous to the child himself or significantly infringe on the rights and comfort of others.

Also ask yourself: Is this behaviour reasonable for the childÂ’s age? For instance, it is reasonable to expect an eight year old not to disturb you while you are on the phone for twenty minutes but it is not reasonable to expect the same of a two year old.

It is also useful to take into account the childÂ’s current state of mind and what is going in on their lives that may be related to some unusual behaviour to occur at home.

The following four principles for changing your childÂ’s behaviour will be effective if you are both patient and persistent.

Principle one: Change your initial response first. This is important because childrenÂ’s behaviour generally requires a pay-off, which may be your attention or an attempt to defeat you. The most important principle about changing childrenÂ’s behaviour is to change your own behaviour first.So if your child' whines (a child's version of water torture) to get his own way refrain from answering back or giving in.

Principle two: Practise with your child the behaviour that you want. The notion of behaviour rehearsal is fundamental to learning a new behaviour. DonÂ’t just tell kids what you expect, get them to practise the behaviour you want. In the example of a young whiner - get him to practise asking for help or a treat in a normal voice.

Principle three: Minimise the behaviour you donÂ’t want. That means when children continue their old behaviour despite your brilliant suggestions ignore it, sidestep it or implement a consequence but donÂ’t nag or harp on it. Remember it takes time often to change a behaviour, particularly if it has been happening for a long time.

Principle four: Spotlight the appropriate behaviour. When your children behave in the desired way show your sincere appreciation. We often take children for granted or rather we are trained to give children no attention when they are good, but plenty when they are less than perfect. The behaviours we focus on expand so we need to focus our attention on desirable behaviours more than on the negative behaviours. For our young whiner it is essential to make a fuss when he uses a normal voice to get what he wants.

Like any process it will only work if you stick to it and follow it through. And donÂ’t be afraid to adapt it to suit your circumstances. Remember, it is the fact that you have a plan rather than the nature of the plan that is most powerful in achieving a change in your childrenÂ’s behaviour.

For practical ideas to make children's irritating behaviours such as whining, nagging, tantrums and sibling fighting disappear read Michael Grose's ground-breaking book - One Step Ahead. It is available at the shop at www.parentingideas.com.au

Michael Grose is Australia's leading parenting educator. He is the author of six books and gives over 100 presentations a year and appears regularly on television, radio and in print. For further ideas to help you raise happy children and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au . While you are there subscribe to Happy Kids newsletter and receive a free report Seven ways to beat sibling rivalry.
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BONUS : The Six Essentials To Child Birth

Child birth is one of the most natural events in a womenÂ’s life yet it strikes fear in many of our hearts and voices. There is so much knowledge on child birth and child care how do we know we are doing the right thing. The countless books, and advice can make any womenÂ’s head swirl, and it is important for the mom - to - be to remember is isnÂ’t as complicated as it sounds.

ItÂ’s simple - child birth is a natural and beautiful gift given to women in order to conceive precious lives full of wonder. It is a wondrous event which should be cherished and remembered. Once your baby is born you will look into her eyes with fond delight, and see a new beginning for your life, and family.

In order to prepare for that future you should ask yourself if you are ready for your first child birth experience. The room is ready, the clothes are bought, and the toys are well stocked right up until she turns the age of three. Your due date is getting closer, your back is getting sorer, and you can feel the baby kicking more, and you are counting the fingers on your hand until your delight is born.

The only internal fear you maybe facing is the actual child birth itself, and there are several ways to prepare yourself for the unknown. Before giving birth ensure you pack a hospital bag ahead of schedule; including your basic necessities. But, also donÂ’t forget the luxuries which will make your birth more enlightening, and comfortable. Here are six essential items which will make your child birth painless:

Make sure you pack a comfortable night gown to ensue optimum freedom for you to move and get comfortable during your labor.

Soothing music will take your focus away from the pain.

Massage oil is a wonderful tool in assisting in alleviating the pain and will make your partner play an important role during the birthing hours.

A harlequin romance novel nothing a little bit more savory to keep your mind concentrated on anything but child birth.

Last but not least snacks, lots of good snacks to help you and your partner get through the longs hours of labor.

Champagne it will be time to celebrate once the new bundle of joy arrives and whatÂ’s better than a great toast with lots of bubbly.

A few but needful necessities will help create a better atmosphere your birthing room, making you feel at ease, as you bring in a new breath of life into your world. It is an exciting time, and should be one filled with rest, comfort, and joy – on the arrival day make sure you look into your babies precious eyes and savor every minute of life.

“Speak tenderly to them. Let there be kindness in your face, in your eyes, in your smile, in the warmth of our greeting. Always have a cheerful smile. Don't only give your care, but give your heart as well.” This is powerful advice from Mother Teresa and is relevant to anyone who is to have their first baby.
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