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The Joy Of Becoming A Father

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The Joy Of Becoming A Father

In this article I write about my joy of becoming a parent and about how my life has changed since the birth of my son. It came as quite a shock to me a few years ago when my girlfriend told me that she was pregnant. We had in truth been trying for a baby, but I never thought it would happen. I am not really sure why this was, I am stupid I know. I have to admit that I was quite scared at first but now feel very lucky and he has truly changed my life in a positive way.

Around a week before my son was born, I decided to go out for a few beers with a couple of friends. It was like one last night out of freedom before being thrust into parenthood. During this particular night I remember thinking something like, I will miss this. For some reason I actually thought that becoming a father would end any social life that I had and would be the start of a life of choirs.

The feeling of emotion and happiness when I first set eyes on and held my son is very hard to describe . He was so small and light. I was handed some milk to feed him and he soon started to knock it back, a bit like me with the beer I thought to myself. My girlfriend left the room to have a bath and I was left in the room on my own, holding the baby as they say. I could not stop staring at him, he was so perfect. Scared, what an idiot I thought, you are the luckiest man alive.

My whole attitude to life has now changed, in the past socialising with my friends was a massive part of my life. Even though I still do go out with them, I have to say it is probably only around half as much as I used to. You might think I am sad but when I am out I do miss all of my family including my son.

Every morning he is the first one to wake up and walks into our room and says, morning! I wake up and there in front of me is my son with a beaming smile on his face. Can you get me some breakfast dad please? He loves his food! This is the best type of alarm I have ever had.

I have always been the type of person who is often anxious and stressed. This can even turn into a period of sustained depression. Nowadays whenever I feel any of these symptoms I spend as much time as possible with my son as he soon puts a smile back onto my face.

I feel very sorry for people who are unable to have children and find it very hard to understand people who choose not to have any.

I am as you can no doubt tell, a very proud parent and would do anything for my son. Even when he is naughty I find it hard to be angry at him for more than about two minutes. I have recently spent a weekend at a friends stag party. I have to say it was a lot of fun and I had a great time but despite all of this I could not wait to get back home.

I now have something to really live for and the future is really exciting for possibly the first time in my life.

There are many things that I am looking forward to including:

Taking my son for his first beer

Taking my son to watch the football

Taking my son to play snooker

Seeing my son with his first girlfriend

Becoming a grandad

These of course are just a small number of many things which really excite me in the future.

For any people out there who are unsure about whether they wany to become a parent, I can honestly say that from a personal experience it has been amazing.
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BONUS : The Keys To Raising Happy Kids That Super Nanny Doesn't Tell You

There are many things to like about the television show Super Nanny that has captured the public interest recently.

First, the nanny character is very likeable, if a little scary at times. She has that old-fashioned school-teacher demeanour that says, ‘Listen up. I know best and I am in charge here.’ Many of the families featured need someone who takes charge.

Second, if you are a parent, how can you not get involved in a show that gets you into the challenges of child rearing in such a nitty gritty, warts n’all way that doesn’t involve you? Okay, it is voyeuristic but it is doesn’t relate to you, does it???!!! Importantly, this program has got people talking about raising kids, which is fantastic.

Third, while I don’t agree with every technique presented the program gives good, solid advice and strategies about some common challenges many parents face. Importantly, it helps parenting become a happy experience again for many people as it is the little challenges that we face that can make the job so difficult.

Following is a user’s guide for watching Super Nanny to help you be discerning about what you see and to encourage you think about some of the principles that may be behind (or should be behind) the strategies presented.

1. Who owns the problem?

A crucial principle that the Super Nanny ignores is that of problem ownership. Problems in families are owned by either by parents, children or the family as a whole. Too often parents take on responsibilities that should belong to parents so issues escalate into power disputes. A simple question to ask when you see a misbehaviour presented is: Who owns this problem?

Let’s give it a try:

a) Who owns the problem when a child comes into his parents’ bedroom at 3.00am? Answer: Parents so they need to come up with a strategy to deal with it.

b) Who owns the problem when a child refuses to eat at mealtime or is fussy at mealtime? Answer: The child so he or she needs to worry about eating, not his parents.

c) Who owns the problem when the family room is left in a mess? Answer: The family so everyone needs to address family room tidiness.

When watching this program make sure that the owner of the problem takes responsibility and parents stay out of problems such as eating and dressing that should belong to children.

2. What is the purpose of the behaviour?

When children are less than perfect look for parents’ place in their behaviour. Look specifically for what the parents do to contribute to the continuing misbehaviour. The point being is that children don’t misbehave in a vacuum. Misbehaviour generally has the purpose of getting attention, defeating someone else or retaliation. Children throw tantrums because they are a great way to get control back. Eating refusal is a great way to get some attention or prove a child’s power over a parent. Secondary bed-wetting is a great form of retaliation. Ask yourself, if the parent didn’t respond to the misbehaviour as they routinely do would it continue? If not, then it gives a clue to the purpose of the behaviour.

3. How does the household routine contribute to the problem?

Make no mistake, even families with no obvious routine have a routine. It is just all over the place. Kids love an orderly routine as it gives life predictability. A large percentage of challenges can be prevented by having sensible child-friendly routines; particularly around mornings, around dinnertime and at bed-time, which are the three manic times in most families. A daily routine that gives time for children’s activities and that separates work and family is an essential in many families.

4. Do parents talk too much when children are less than perfect?

Parents often spend a great deal of their time telling children what they already know. Anyone ever said something like, “How many times do I have tell you to put your toys away before dinner?” Kids know what they are meant to do yet we remind them. It is better to put an action in place – i.e. don’t put dinner on the table until toys are packed away – so kids know you mean what you say.

5. Does the misbehaviour intensify before it is eliminated if a change strategy is used?

Notice how children’s misbehaviour will often get worse before it is eliminated. A child who usually cries out successfully for his parents when he is put to bed will turn up the volume if his parents change their behaviour and ignore his cries for one more drink or another story. He will probably add tears and say some pretty hurtful things as a way of pressing the old guilt buttons. It may take a while but he will test his parents’ new found will and work out if they have a backbone or not.

6. Do parents have some time for them?

Many family challenges stem from the fact that parents are tired and stressed. Parents with two or more children close in age or those with children under five generally have a difficult time of it. Parents need some time each day (very hard) and each week just for them. If not then they generally become overwhelmed and lose perspective. They say they want strategies to deal with kids, when all they need is a break.

7. Do parents work together or does lack of teamwork contribute to the problems?

A big challenge for many parents is working together and getting on the same wavelength rather than working at odds with each other. Bedtime is a typical time when parents can inadvertently work against each other. For instance, one can settle the kids down while the other is busy amping them up with a game or two.

8. How will fixing one problem impact on the family?

It is amazing how resolving one parenting issue has a snowball effect on other problems. For instance, many parents who finally solve the battle of bedtimes find it is amazing how their children’s whinging and whining disappears. Yes, it is easier to cope with children when we have plenty of sleep under our belts but often the resolve we gain from overcoming something so draining gives us energy and the will to deal with lesser issues. And kids suddenly realise that mum and dad are suddenly different.

Keep an open mind if you do catch an episode of Super Nanny and look for principles behind the strategies so that you can adapt some of the ideas presented to suit your own family.

Michael Grose is Australia's most popular parenting author and presenter. The author of six books for parents, published in numerous countries and translated into many languages Michael is well-known to readers around the world. Subscribe to Happy Kids, his forthnightly newsletter full of practical, thought-provoking ideas at http://www.parentingideas.com.au . While you are there subscribe to a free on-line parenting course.
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