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No No No Living With A Two Year Old
If your child is approaching the age of two, your life is about to change dramatically. I know, your life already has changed dramatically, but youÂ’re about to enter a whole new level of, well, frustration and despair. Luckily, the difficulties only last for about two yearsÂ…Â…Â…..sigh. Well, to help you out, let me give you some tips about living with your two year old.
First – you need to understand that toddlers have no impulse control. This is a critical piece of information, and you will need to chant it to yourself several times a day. Even when a toddler knows what she’s doing is wrong, and knows she’s going to get into trouble for it, she can’t help it. She just has to do it. So, don’t think your child is incapable of being trained when she gets into the toilet paper for the tenth time today. The best advice is just put the stuff away. And, don’t punish her too harshly. At this age, making punishment harsher for subsequent offenses isn’t helpful. The same time out routine each time will have more effect, though you must understand me when I say this – nothing except growing older will have much effect on a two year old.
Secondly, if you live with a two year old, don’t try to do anything in a hurry. Gone, at least for a while, are the days when you can “run to the grocery store”. At this age everything takes a long time, and you should just get used to it. Trying to hurry them along only creates frustration for both of you. Let them try to get in and out of the car themselves. Let them pick exactly which grocery cart you’ll use. It’s good for their development and it helps keep peace.
Thirdly, pick your battles. DonÂ’t allow anything thatÂ’s unsafe, but donÂ’t try to control how and when everything gets done. If she wants to wear the purple plaid pants with the yellow striped top, some days you just need to let her do it. One way to minimize the battles is to give your child some choices up front, but not too many. For instance, pick out two appropriate outfits for the day, and then let her choose between them.
Finally, enjoy this age. As difficult as two year olds can be (oh, and three year olds can be just as bad), they are also simply magical to watch. They learn something new every day. TheyÂ’re excited and amazed by the simplest things, like blowing bubbles and getting a sticker. TheyÂ’re a wonderful combination of baby and child, and theyÂ’ll never be this age again. Thank God.
BONUS : Oh, YouÂ’re Good For Nothing
I donÂ’t believe in good for nothing.
I was walking down the aisle of a large supermarket when I heard a mother hissing to her crying child, “Good for nothing! Nothing! You better stop this now or I will leave you with the police man”. Not that I am angel when it comes to being a parent to my kids. Sometimes, I falter too and I will yell and shout and throw a massive, scary temper and my kids would cower in fright thinking that their mom was going crazy. Hey, I am human, amn’t I?
But I would never call my kids stupid or good for nothing.
For one thing, I sincerely believe that education is important – but it’s not everything. We, as parents, have to carry this grave responsibility of providing our children with education. Not only do we have to fund it, we have to ensure that they learn whatever they can learn from the education system so that they can benefit from it later on in life. Knowledge is a funnel. A funnel whereby information can flow into and train a mind to think and react in a certain knowledgeable way. It’s important.
But frankly, I donÂ’t think itÂ’s everything.
Listening to their cues
WhatÂ’s more important to us, parents, is the listening skill, not directing or bossing skill. We need to learn how to take cues from our kids, open up gates and doors and let them explore and watch them. Watch how they are taking in the vast opportunities that are being presented to them. Do they like it? Are they interested? Is this their calling? Is this their gift? This is what goes through my mind whenever I introduce something new to my kids. We, parents, should not try to force somethingÂ…ANYTHINGÂ…on to our kids.
As much as I hate being forced to do something (I quit the banking world for a reason, didnÂ’t I?), I wonÂ’t force my kids to do something that they donÂ’t like. Of course, there are things that they HAVE to do (like homework, cleaning up, showering, good mannersÂ…etc), I also have to bear the responsibility of ensuring that they are well disciplined and yet free to explore the world. But in other respects non-related to their safety and general well-being, force is not my style.
Even the worst kid in school can do well
I believe we all know of geniuses who have made it far beyond our human comprehension. People who we, today, claim as geniuses were called ‘buffoons’ in their early days. Let’s take Albert Einstein as an example. His teacher thought he was a complete loser and yet today, the world think and knows FOR A FACT that he is and was a genius. Even in death, he made a difference not only in his own life…but to the rest of the world too.
While we should not expect our child to be Einstein or paint like Da Vinci, we should always be on a lookout for their gift.
The giftÂ…everyone has one
Everyone has a gift, God is fair. One person may fare well in math while the other did terribly. But if you look close enough, youÂ’ll see that the second child who canÂ’t count for nuts can paint like no one else! No one is born without a gift, which is what I believe. Some people have multiple gifts and are multi-talented in nature but no one in this world is without one.
Parents should set out to find out the gift of their child. It could be anything! ANYTHING! Like Don who loves cleaning out closets and is meticulous in arranging stuff – he’s a good accountant today. Like Gina who loves to play in the playground instead of doing her homework – she’s one of the most popular kids’ football team coaches in her country today. And Simon who was so weak in math that his mother almost told him to leave the house and never come back – he’s a professor in Philosophy today.
Think about it
No one is good for nothing. Even trees or worms are good for something. Trees give us oxygen and some serve as food. Worms digs holes in the ground and helps trees grow. Even bacteria are good at something. Bacteria can actually benefit our health. What about mud? Think mud pack? Everything is good for something….why not your child? Your job, as a parent, is to find that ‘good’, find that talent. And perhaps, maybe it’s got nothing to do with education.
I donÂ’t believe in good for nothing.
I was walking down the aisle of a large supermarket when I heard a mother hissing to her crying child, “Good for nothing! Nothing! You better stop this now or I will leave you with the police man”. Not that I am angel when it comes to being a parent to my kids. Sometimes, I falter too and I will yell and shout and throw a massive, scary temper and my kids would cower in fright thinking that their mom was going crazy. Hey, I am human, amn’t I?
But I would never call my kids stupid or good for nothing.
For one thing, I sincerely believe that education is important – but it’s not everything. We, as parents, have to carry this grave responsibility of providing our children with education. Not only do we have to fund it, we have to ensure that they learn whatever they can learn from the education system so that they can benefit from it later on in life. Knowledge is a funnel. A funnel whereby information can flow into and train a mind to think and react in a certain knowledgeable way. It’s important.
But frankly, I donÂ’t think itÂ’s everything.
Listening to their cues
WhatÂ’s more important to us, parents, is the listening skill, not directing or bossing skill. We need to learn how to take cues from our kids, open up gates and doors and let them explore and watch them. Watch how they are taking in the vast opportunities that are being presented to them. Do they like it? Are they interested? Is this their calling? Is this their gift? This is what goes through my mind whenever I introduce something new to my kids. We, parents, should not try to force somethingÂ…ANYTHINGÂ…on to our kids.
As much as I hate being forced to do something (I quit the banking world for a reason, didnÂ’t I?), I wonÂ’t force my kids to do something that they donÂ’t like. Of course, there are things that they HAVE to do (like homework, cleaning up, showering, good mannersÂ…etc), I also have to bear the responsibility of ensuring that they are well disciplined and yet free to explore the world. But in other respects non-related to their safety and general well-being, force is not my style.
Even the worst kid in school can do well
I believe we all know of geniuses who have made it far beyond our human comprehension. People who we, today, claim as geniuses were called ‘buffoons’ in their early days. Let’s take Albert Einstein as an example. His teacher thought he was a complete loser and yet today, the world think and knows FOR A FACT that he is and was a genius. Even in death, he made a difference not only in his own life…but to the rest of the world too.
While we should not expect our child to be Einstein or paint like Da Vinci, we should always be on a lookout for their gift.
The giftÂ…everyone has one
Everyone has a gift, God is fair. One person may fare well in math while the other did terribly. But if you look close enough, youÂ’ll see that the second child who canÂ’t count for nuts can paint like no one else! No one is born without a gift, which is what I believe. Some people have multiple gifts and are multi-talented in nature but no one in this world is without one.
Parents should set out to find out the gift of their child. It could be anything! ANYTHING! Like Don who loves cleaning out closets and is meticulous in arranging stuff – he’s a good accountant today. Like Gina who loves to play in the playground instead of doing her homework – she’s one of the most popular kids’ football team coaches in her country today. And Simon who was so weak in math that his mother almost told him to leave the house and never come back – he’s a professor in Philosophy today.
Think about it
No one is good for nothing. Even trees or worms are good for something. Trees give us oxygen and some serve as food. Worms digs holes in the ground and helps trees grow. Even bacteria are good at something. Bacteria can actually benefit our health. What about mud? Think mud pack? Everything is good for something….why not your child? Your job, as a parent, is to find that ‘good’, find that talent. And perhaps, maybe it’s got nothing to do with education.
