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Meet The Twixters
There is a new stage of development for parents to consider.
The stages of development are roughly the following: children move from infancy, to early childhood and onwards to middle childhood. These stages take roughly the first ten or so years of life. Our children then move into a long stage known as adolescence (with a number three sub-stages) that is a transition phase into adulthood. Thats it, right?
No, it seems that we have another phase that links adolescence with adulthood. The twenty-first birthday used to signify a move into adulthood and all its accompanying privileges and responsibilities. Now the years from 18 until 25 and beyond seem to have become a distinct stage of life, where young people seem to have lodged for a while, staving off the responsibilities of full adulthood. This phase has been dubbed the Twixter stage.
This group has been on the radar for some years but it seems only now that they are reaching significant status of a sub-culture. They have been variously dubbed permakids, boomerang kids and adultescence. Their babyboomer parents dont want to grow old they dont want to grow up.
Twixters have put many of the traditional markers of adulthood on hold home ownership, marriage and children, if they have them, have been delayed until well into their 30s. Entering the workforce later than previous generations and knowing they will live into their eighties this group has plenty of time to play.
This group can afford to take their time to grow up as they have the luxury of having relatively affluent, cashed-up parents who act as a safety net or a financial back-up in times of need. Oh, and a large number of them still live at home.
It is not as if living at home presents any significant hardship to Twixters. Both parents and twixters hold each other in high regard and maybe both groups gain significant benefits from living with each other longer, rather than having young people flee the nest at the first opportunity.
A recent US Gallup poll found that 90 per cent of young people report being very close to their parents, which contrasts with 40 per cent of babyboomers in 1974 who said that they would be better off without their parents. Twixters and their parents get on with each other.
If young people are delaying partnering and beginning their own families then they are seeking and support networks elsewhere. This is where friends and family of origin play an important role.
Twixters have a special gift for friendships and their culture revolves around strong friendship groups. The American sitcom Friends and its Australian counterpart The Secret Life of Us! showed how friends are a type of surrogate family for twentysomethings where you go to for emotional support and acceptance.
The point is Twixters will not go away. Biologically, it seems that the human brain is still developing well into the 20s so a young persons neurological development at 18 is still a many years from being complete.
There is little doubt that adulthood is delayed in a communal sense. One survey recently found that most people believe that the transition to adulthood should be completed by the age of 26, on average and the number is going up.
So, if your eldest is a toddler then you had better make sure you get on because he or she will be around for a couple of decades yet. It may be a scary thought! It certainly challenges us all to rethink the way we parent young people, rethink the notion of adolescence itself and its transitions and rethink how we organise our personal lives to accommodate the demands of these Peter Pans.
For more great ideas from Michael Grose to help you raise confident kids and resilient young people subscribe to Happy Kids, his fortnightly email newsletter. Just visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au and subscribe. Receive a free report on Seven ways to beat sibling rivalry in your email box when you subscribe
Michael Grose © http://www.parentingideas.com.au
BONUS : Memories Not Made: Spending More Time With Your Children
You are busy. I know. Working all of the time to "provide" for your family. Trying to "make ends meet" and acquiring all of that stuff you want. Just keep in mind what you may be giving up in the process the precious memories you fail to create with your children.
You see, as you grow older you begin to place less emphasis on acquiring and more on reflection where you begin to truly take notice of all of your accomplishments as well as painful regrets.
Now take a minute and put yourself into the future when it becomes this time of reflection. Imagine you in a time where your children have grown into respectable adults raising families of their own. Imagine the all the time that has passed of your children's lives that you will never have a single chance to see again.
As you imagine yourself into this position, begin to think all of the stuff you "have" acquired. You know the big house and the big screen TV, fancy cars, elaborate vacations, etc. Take notice of all the feelings this stuff gives you. Think about all of that stuff but without a single memory of your children. How would you feel? Would you feel as if you had regrets of NOT creating memories of your children? Wouldn't these regrets be a bit painful to have knowing there is nothing you can do to change the past?
Now imagine yourself without all of that that stuff. Just thinking of memories of your children in their early years and that is all. Think of all of the simple things that moved you emotionally and the time spent with them. Take notice of all the feelings these beautiful memories give you. Look at their faces, their smiles, and their actions as you see them growing through the years. How much stronger are your feelings now? Would you feel any regrets NOT having stuff? Wouldn't these regrets seem rather insignificant compared those warm memories you have made?
By imagining yourself in the future reflecting on life you can get a glimpse of what really matters most. I am not saying it is "evil" to acquire possessions, rather I am saying to get too caught up into it that you loose sight of some of the things that are more important in life memories. These memories are yours to keep and will fulfill your life now and into the future more than any possession can. Think about all that stuff you acquired that ended up in the trash or you no longer use? More than likely if you think about that stuff now you will realize that the emotional impact they once created no longer has the same effect. A memory of your child has just as much impact as it did when the memory was created. And it LASTS through your life as you look back upon them from time to time.
Remember also that the memories you create with your children are their memories also. They get to carry them through life. They get to reflect upon those times with you or the lack of. They will use them as references throughout their lives in which the will base their future actions upon. Keep this in mind as you consider making changes in your lifestyle to spend more emphasis creating memories and less on acquiring temporary stuff.
What I am saying is
Sometimes you need to evaluate your position in life. Many times we spend so much time in needless acquiring that we tend to overdo it. Spending our money and dragging ourselves into needless debt to where we are FORCING ourselves to make "ends meet." Keeping ourselves at our jobs late sacrificing the little time we do have here on earth for the things things that end up being less important. Yes, you do have to provide for your family. But when you have yourself financially extended because of needless spending you may be ultimately sacrificing the most important thing in your life as well as your children's lives memories.
You are busy. I know. Working all of the time to "provide" for your family. Trying to "make ends meet" and acquiring all of that stuff you want. Just keep in mind what you may be giving up in the process the precious memories you fail to create with your children.
You see, as you grow older you begin to place less emphasis on acquiring and more on reflection where you begin to truly take notice of all of your accomplishments as well as painful regrets.
Now take a minute and put yourself into the future when it becomes this time of reflection. Imagine you in a time where your children have grown into respectable adults raising families of their own. Imagine the all the time that has passed of your children's lives that you will never have a single chance to see again.
As you imagine yourself into this position, begin to think all of the stuff you "have" acquired. You know the big house and the big screen TV, fancy cars, elaborate vacations, etc. Take notice of all the feelings this stuff gives you. Think about all of that stuff but without a single memory of your children. How would you feel? Would you feel as if you had regrets of NOT creating memories of your children? Wouldn't these regrets be a bit painful to have knowing there is nothing you can do to change the past?
Now imagine yourself without all of that that stuff. Just thinking of memories of your children in their early years and that is all. Think of all of the simple things that moved you emotionally and the time spent with them. Take notice of all the feelings these beautiful memories give you. Look at their faces, their smiles, and their actions as you see them growing through the years. How much stronger are your feelings now? Would you feel any regrets NOT having stuff? Wouldn't these regrets seem rather insignificant compared those warm memories you have made?
By imagining yourself in the future reflecting on life you can get a glimpse of what really matters most. I am not saying it is "evil" to acquire possessions, rather I am saying to get too caught up into it that you loose sight of some of the things that are more important in life memories. These memories are yours to keep and will fulfill your life now and into the future more than any possession can. Think about all that stuff you acquired that ended up in the trash or you no longer use? More than likely if you think about that stuff now you will realize that the emotional impact they once created no longer has the same effect. A memory of your child has just as much impact as it did when the memory was created. And it LASTS through your life as you look back upon them from time to time.
Remember also that the memories you create with your children are their memories also. They get to carry them through life. They get to reflect upon those times with you or the lack of. They will use them as references throughout their lives in which the will base their future actions upon. Keep this in mind as you consider making changes in your lifestyle to spend more emphasis creating memories and less on acquiring temporary stuff.
What I am saying is
Sometimes you need to evaluate your position in life. Many times we spend so much time in needless acquiring that we tend to overdo it. Spending our money and dragging ourselves into needless debt to where we are FORCING ourselves to make "ends meet." Keeping ourselves at our jobs late sacrificing the little time we do have here on earth for the things things that end up being less important. Yes, you do have to provide for your family. But when you have yourself financially extended because of needless spending you may be ultimately sacrificing the most important thing in your life as well as your children's lives memories.
