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Improving Your Teen S Self Esteem

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Improving Your Teen’s Self-esteem

The teenage years are often the most difficult time of childhood. During this time, children are blossoming into adults and struggle to determine the individual identity.

It is no shock the teen years are the most dreaded by parents, but these fragile youngsters are at a critical time in their lives. Often, boundaries are pushed and rules are stretched by a teenager yearning to take that “next step” into adulthood.

Teens find themselves not only faced with emotional transitions, but also physical changes.

In the midst of these physical and emotional evolutions, a teen’s self-esteem can be compromised. Parents can take certain steps in order to ensure that a child’s self-esteem is not affected by the turbulent teenage years.

The best way to improve your teen’s self-esteem is to take an active role in your child’s life. By knowing his or her interests, friends, strengths, and weaknesses, you will be aware of any problems that may arise.

Starting from a young age, instill a positive attitude in your child. Children who have a great sense of self-worth are more apt to blossom into teenagers with a great sense of self-worth. Take time to talk with your teen instead of talking to your teen. If your child believes his or her opinion or thoughts have an impact in the home front, that individual is more apt to have a greater self-esteem. Allowing your teen to have a say in decisions that affect the entire family will further impress a sense of self-worth, thus positively affect his or her self-esteem.

Children learn by example, and teenagers are no different.

Teens whose parents showcase high self-esteem are more likely to exhibit self-esteem. Conversely, parents with low self-esteem or who constantly question their self-worth will pass those traits on to their children simply by their actions. The way you interact with your friends, family members, and colleagues will rub off on your children.

Individuals with low self-esteem set poor examples for their teens and should not be surprised when their teens exhibit similar actions. Children are like a sponge, so take care not to comment negatively towards yourself or others. Many teens with issues regarding their physical appearance learn these behaviors from home. Television, movies, and music play a huge part in any teenager’s life. These outlets seem obsessed with a pre-conceived idea of perfection that will most likely differ from that of the average individual. Take time to speak with your teen regarding these issues.

Interaction with your teenager will allow you first-hand information on any problems he or she may be having and make an attempt to remedy these situations. Often, teenagers are quite sensitive about their appearance due to acne or other issues. If this is the case, consider making an appointment with a dermatologist who will be able to remedy the situation. Similarly, your teen may be interested in changing his or her appearance to best fit a burgeoning identity, but may be hesitant to approach a parent. Remember, teenagers straddle the line between child and young adult.

Although they may yearn to be an adult, the child part still needs reassurance from a parent. If you as a parent feel a requested physical transformation will not benefit your teen, make a compromise. Often, teens are looking to be outrageous in order to push boundaries set by parents. Instead of lowering your teen’s self-esteem by creating a confrontation, create an atmosphere of discussion and compromise.

Open communication cannot be stressed enough. Take time to talk to your teen about their friends, classes, activities, or interests. Teach your teen to accentuate the positive instead of focusing on attributes they see as weak or negative. Instill a sense great self esteem at a young age that will continue with your teen as he or she grows.

You may wish to enroll your child in self-esteem building classes or extra curricular activities that will boost their self-worth. Whatever the case, taking an active part in your teen’s life is the best way to see them through this transitional time in their lives with their self-esteem intact.
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BONUS : Inappropriate Behavior As A "teachable Moment"

Two boys in a first grade classroom were arguing loudly over an item they both wanted to use at the same time.

Their teacher approached them in a friendly way and said, “Boys, it sounds like you two are having a problem. Let’s talk it out.”

One of the boys told his side of the story, his face still tense but his voice lowered to an “indoor” volume. The second boy listened and then, without any prompting, came up with a solution to which the first boy readily agreed.

“Great job!” the teacher beamed. “See? You can talk it out!”

A TEACHING PERSPECTIVE CAN PRODUCE AMAZING RESULTS WHEN KIDS BEHAVE INAPPROPRIATELY.

If we as parents approach unwanted behavior with the idea that our job is to be the judge/jury/jailer, our first impulse may be to punish.

But punishment doesn’t teach kids what they SHOULD be doing. It doesn’t expand kids’ problem-solving skills, teach them how to repair social mistakes, or improve their social perception.

Fortunately, punishment isn’t the only available tool.

WE CAN CHOOSE TO VIEW THE INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR AS A “TEACHABLE MOMENT.”

When the teacher in the story above heard the two boys arguing, she spotted a chance to teach better social problem-solving.

Inviting the boys to “talk it out” reminded them of their capacity to problem-solve without shouting or arguing. They saw that “talking it out” could work, and they were more likely to “talk it out” next time.

A teaching perspective has room for punishment in some cases, but the focus is on helping kids learn the skills they need to behave appropriately.

If we view inappropriate behavior as a learning opportunity for the child, new options open up.

HERE ARE TEN CHOICES FOR MAKING THE MOST OF A TEACHABLE MOMENT:

1. Redirect the child toward a more appropriate activity.

2. Inform the child that what they’re doing “isn’t a good idea” or “isn’t safe.”

3. Give a friendly reminder about the rule the child needs to be following.

4. Guide the child through the steps of apologizing.

5. Ask the child to consider how others feel when she engages in the inappropriate behavior.

6. Help the child make amends to anyone negatively affected by the inappropriate behavior. Ask, “What can we do to help (name of person) feel better now?”

7. In the case of a conflict, prompt the children to “talk it out,” providing assistance as needed.

8. Give a new rule, if the situation wasn’t covered by the rules the child has already been taught.

9. Invite the child to think of a better to way to ask for what they want or need in the situation.

10. Teach the child appropriate words/behaviors to replace the inappropriate ones.

The rules of appropriate social behavior take a long time to learn and an even longer time to internalize as habits. Even adults don’t do it perfectly!

When we use our child’s behavior mistakes as opportunities to offer guidance, we’re giving our child their best chance to become more kind, responsible and socially competent.

© Norma Schmidt, LLC (limited liability corporation)
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