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Helping Children Adjust To A Stepfamily

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Helping Children Adjust To A Stepfamily

In the Paramount Pictures film "Yours, Mine & Ours," a widower with eight children runs into his high school sweetheart, a widow with 10 of her own. The two rekindle their love and marry without letting their children in on the nuptials until after the fact. A culture clash ensues, and the kids soon devise a plan to sabotage the marriage.

While "Yours, Mine & Ours" is a comedy, it touches on some of the real-life issues confronting stepparents and children. Bringing two families together is seldom easy; about 65 percent of remarriages involve children from the previous marriage, and 60 percent of remarriages end in divorce, according to U.S. Census Bureau statistics.

Parents have the power to ensure that the kids know that they belong and are loved and wanted - by both parents and their new siblings. Making all of the children feel included will help foster a smooth transition. Parenting experts offer the following tips:

* Be flexible. Families have different ways of doing things, and your newly blended family will need to make a lot of compromises - from choosing family activities to establishing bedtimes. Be willing to give up some old habits.

* Set new ground rules. Discuss your parenting style with your new spouse and map out a parenting strategy that would be the most appropriate for your new family.

* Open the lines of communication. Include the children in family decisions. Listen to what they have to say and take their concerns seriously.

* Seek creative ways to bond as a family. Have a meeting about what members of the family would like to do on a regular basis. The ideas that emerge might surprise you.

* Keep your sense of humor. The blending of families is a serious and, sometimes, delicate matter, but it helps to reflect on the lighter side of the subject. Younger children might even relate to the antics and feelings played out in "Yours, Mine & Ours." If things don't go smoothly at first, be patient. With lots of love, support and respect, your new family will only get stronger with time. - NU
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BONUS : Helping Children Learn Through Music

If the thought of your children's development is music to your ears, you may want to share the joy of music with your kids--and it seems the sooner you do it, the better.

Exposure to music during the early years of childhood enhances the learning process by promoting language development, creativity, coordination and social interaction, according to the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC). The group says vocal and speech development can improve through singing; listening and concentration can improve with aural training; and the values of cooperation are reinforced by the sharing of instruments and encouragement of other students.

To help their children develop a love for music-and for learning-many parents participate in classes facilitated by groups such as Music Together. The organization developed a research-based curriculum that takes a music and movement approach to early childhood music development. It's open to infants, toddlers, preschoolers and kindergarten children, and their parents or caregivers.

"The whole purpose of our program is to enable children, as well as the adults participating with them, to become more comfortable with musical expression and to develop musically at their own pace," says Kenneth K. Guilmartin, founder and director of the group. "Childhood music development is a natural process, just like language development."

The program works in harmony with recent findings at an Early Childhood Summit stating that music education is basic education and therefore integral to the education of children at any age-a statement the U.S. Department of Education agrees with.

The Role Of Parents

Guilmartin says an important key to his program's success is parental involvement. "The participation and modeling of parents and caregivers--regardless of musical ability--is essential to a child's musical growth," he explains. "Of all the programs available for preschoolers, it is the only one which has based its curriculum on that fact from the beginning."

Atmosphere plays an important role as well. Music Together works to create a playful, nonperformance-oriented environment that Guilmartin describes as musically rich, yet immediately accessible to the child and the adult. "We believe all children are musical," explains Guilmartin. "They can all reach basic music competence with the right help."
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