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What Not To Do On A First Date1
Some conversation don'ts are obvious. But the more subtle ones can get you in trouble, so follow this advice...
I once went on a first (and last) date with a guy who broke the ice by telling me that he had been married three times, kept getting hurt and used by all, and was still living with his ex! There was more - something about a scheme to ensure that he gets the whole matrimonial property - but I was hardly listening by that point. All I could think was: "Why are you telling me this?!"
Dating 'don'ts' are things you should never do or say on a date. When the other person exhibits these 'don'ts', the sappy love soundtrack in your head goes and the line on your heart monitor goes flat!
Most of us know what you should never say on a first date. Words like up your former flame! I remember going out on date once and whilst we were driving to the restaurant, he turned the music on, sang aloud to it whilst he had tears in his eyes. About 2 minutes later, I realised that the songs were all romantic ballads and the lyrics were all about a man crying out for his lost love!! I suggested we go for a quick drink instead and gulped down 2 gin and tonics and made the quickest exit I had ever made before.
So the moral of the story is that we don't want to hear about what went wrong in your past relationships (at least not on the first date), how your ex was the sexiest, most devoted or loving woman ever, what her favorite drink was or how she was always punctual for a date!
If it's a blind date, DON'T compare yourself to anyone famous
Now we all know this never works the way we'd like it to. Sure, most of us have someone famous we're compared to. With me, it's usually I man meets 'Jackie Brown'. I can live with that. But personality-wise, apparently I'm Monica from Friends, Eva from Desperate Housewives and Samantha from Sex and the City all rolled into one! Those comparisons are obviously wrong...Ha! My point? Most people look like a more slightly distorted version of these famous stars. I have never met anyone who really looked like the fabulous celebrity they said they looked like. So proceed with caution. Unless, of course, you are drop dead gorgeous, then you can say the famous ones look like you...
DON'T check out other people!
Ah, nothing is more of a turn-off than to be out on a date with someone and notice him checking out the girl with the cleavage right in front of your face or notice her checking that man with the most gorgeous, tightest butt you've ever seen! It might not happen often, and it's usually another sign of insecurity, but if it does, I usually try to have a comment handy, maybe something like "you know, if you hurry, you can get that girl to hold the bucket of drool that's accumulating as we speak. Go ahead, I'll wait..."
Please please don't ever check someone else out when you're on date as it really is an instant turn off, unless of course, you want to do just that!
DON'T ask them what they think of you
For gosh sakes! Have some confidence! Read the signals. You will know if they are repulsed by you or attracted to you. I once had a date with a man that I had been communicating with over the phone for some time. I really liked the person he was over the phone. About 5 minutes into our first face-to-face date, he asked me if I was disappointed. At the time, I turned to him, put my hand behind his head, pulled him close enough to kiss and purred in his ear "Don't ask me that again!". Had he had any clue or any confidence he would have read that very clear sign and had a chance at a second date. However, during the rest of the evening, he asked me that same question about a half dozen more times. This extreme lack of confidence made him much less attractive to me. So he stayed in the friends category (you know, the one men hate where there is no chance of sex). So men and women, don't forget, one of the most attractive qualities is confidence without arrogance.
DON'T have sex on the first date!
If he /she asks you back to their place for coffee, he/she wants to have sex (or something close). If she really fancies one last glass of pink bubbly, she should suggest a late-night bar. Likewise, if he suggests a Chinese takeaway back at his when you have to pass three Mr. Lee's to get there, he wants ecstasy with his sweet and sour pork balls!
You know, the older I get, the more moralistic I become. Yeah, I know, it's a sign of old age (just a bit!) but I've made a few mistakes, and this one I just have to stand by. The thing is, I think this rule bothers men far more than women. Guys, if we like you a lot, and we see promise, we're going to lean towards wanting to sleep with you at some point. It doesn't mean we've had sexual relations with the entire England football team! The fact that men seem uncomfortable with sleeping with a potential Ms. Right on the first date is something I don't question, that's just the way it is. It's always better to savour anticipation!
BONUS : What Not To Say In An Dating Email Ever!
When it comes to sending emails to your online crush, it may be tempting to tell everything about yourself that enyone has ever told you was interesting and then some. However, when it comes to sending emails, at least in the beginning of your online relationship, the name of the game is restraint. It is important that you do not overwhelm your potential suitor with confessions or long-winded rants. Instead, until you build a solid foundation of trust and comfort, keep your emails short and purposeful.
Still even if those emails are very short and purposeful, there are certain things that you simply will not want to say. Here is a short overview of some of those basic no-nos.
1. Do not send threats. If you sent a threat through email, it is a federal offense. Because most emails traverse through federally guarded and maintained airways, they are considered to be public property. Therefore, just like in a phone call, you are prohibited from saying anything threatening or offensive on email. Also, why would you want to threaten someone if you want to actually date them? The days of playing hard to get are over, as far as threats are concerned.
2. Be deliberate about the details of your life. While it may be tempting to write a tell-all novel for that person that youre so interested in dating, be deliberate about the information that you share. Every piece of information will help your crush to learn more about you. Therefore, say positive, meaningful things in the beginning (or always.) Help the person get a better idea of just who you are at the core. Share thoughts, jokes and your opinion on certain matters. But make sure that each of these communications if purposeful.
3. Be positive. One of the most telling signs that a relationship may not end on a happy long-term note is if your partner is overtly negative. Negative emails will not only be downers for the day, but they will also not represent a somewhat catastrophic side of your mates personality. After all, even if the emailer is funny and realistic, too much negative energy will drain the living daylights out of your creativity and vibrancy.
4. Talk about yourself. While in general communications, it is considered polite to avoid talking too much about yourself, when youre getting to know a potential mate it is important to be as open and honest as possible. In fact, it is considered polite to go out of your way to talk about yourself it talking about yourself is not something that you ordinarily do. One way to let your potential mate know that youre interested in a long-term relationship (or just a deep sense of understanding) is to talk about how you feel so that he or she can determine whether the two of you truly are intellectually, emotionally and spiritually compatible. Therefore, try not to avoid talking about yourself.
There are certain common considerations that come in all relationships when a pair is getting to know one another on a new level. If you are embarking on a relationship with someone via the Internet, it is vital that you observe the basic rules of email. While there is no written policy on email communications, it is generally considered polite to share information in a positive, optimistic and interested manner. Of course, always be sure to ask plenty of questions about your partner as well so that you also can determine whether or not the relationship will be compatible in the long-tern. Happy typing!
When it comes to sending emails to your online crush, it may be tempting to tell everything about yourself that enyone has ever told you was interesting and then some. However, when it comes to sending emails, at least in the beginning of your online relationship, the name of the game is restraint. It is important that you do not overwhelm your potential suitor with confessions or long-winded rants. Instead, until you build a solid foundation of trust and comfort, keep your emails short and purposeful.
Still even if those emails are very short and purposeful, there are certain things that you simply will not want to say. Here is a short overview of some of those basic no-nos.
1. Do not send threats. If you sent a threat through email, it is a federal offense. Because most emails traverse through federally guarded and maintained airways, they are considered to be public property. Therefore, just like in a phone call, you are prohibited from saying anything threatening or offensive on email. Also, why would you want to threaten someone if you want to actually date them? The days of playing hard to get are over, as far as threats are concerned.
2. Be deliberate about the details of your life. While it may be tempting to write a tell-all novel for that person that youre so interested in dating, be deliberate about the information that you share. Every piece of information will help your crush to learn more about you. Therefore, say positive, meaningful things in the beginning (or always.) Help the person get a better idea of just who you are at the core. Share thoughts, jokes and your opinion on certain matters. But make sure that each of these communications if purposeful.
3. Be positive. One of the most telling signs that a relationship may not end on a happy long-term note is if your partner is overtly negative. Negative emails will not only be downers for the day, but they will also not represent a somewhat catastrophic side of your mates personality. After all, even if the emailer is funny and realistic, too much negative energy will drain the living daylights out of your creativity and vibrancy.
4. Talk about yourself. While in general communications, it is considered polite to avoid talking too much about yourself, when youre getting to know a potential mate it is important to be as open and honest as possible. In fact, it is considered polite to go out of your way to talk about yourself it talking about yourself is not something that you ordinarily do. One way to let your potential mate know that youre interested in a long-term relationship (or just a deep sense of understanding) is to talk about how you feel so that he or she can determine whether the two of you truly are intellectually, emotionally and spiritually compatible. Therefore, try not to avoid talking about yourself.
There are certain common considerations that come in all relationships when a pair is getting to know one another on a new level. If you are embarking on a relationship with someone via the Internet, it is vital that you observe the basic rules of email. While there is no written policy on email communications, it is generally considered polite to share information in a positive, optimistic and interested manner. Of course, always be sure to ask plenty of questions about your partner as well so that you also can determine whether or not the relationship will be compatible in the long-tern. Happy typing!
