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Tips For Online Dating Photos
Copyright 2006 Jeffrey Betman
Would you buy a car, sight unseen? How about a diamond ring? I don't know about you, but I want to see what I am buying.
Unbelievably, many people are dating online and not posting photos of themselves. What a waste of time. I just read a statistic that said 95% of people on dating sites only search for other members who have posted a picture of themselves.
What's the point of spending money to join, spending time to write a profile, spending time answering a questionairre, only to eliminate yourself from 95% of those searching for you?
I wonder if people lack confidence in themselves or feel unattractive. Look, you are who you are. Period. Put your best out there and you will find somebody.
Many people that do upload photos are making mistakes. Here are common mistakes I've seen in photos. I'm sure you can add to this list.
1. Blurry.
2. Old picture.
3. Group shots.
4. Out of focus.
5. Kids in the shot.
6. People drinking or toasting.
7. Sexually suggestive photos.
8. People cut off.
9. Photos with a mysterious arm around the subject (but they aren't in view).
10. Too far away.
11. Way too close, like the camera is hitting them in the head.
12. Not smiling.
13. Washed out, so person looks white as a ghost.
14. Photos that include guys (if you are female) or vice versa.
15. Photos showing a "bad attitude."
16. The 'deer in the headlights' photo.
17. Wearing unattractive or non-flattering clothing.
18. Ultra formal pictures.
OK, I could go on, but you get the point.
Wait, bad haircuts. Couldn't resist throwing in one more for you.
Now, here are some tips for great photos.
First, get your picture done by a professional. This is your life and love life we are talking about. Take it seriously and do it right.
Second, smile. Simple. You look better and will attract more people to you.
Third, use a current photo, or nothing more than one year old. Can't tell you how often I was expecting a date for coffee and they were ten years older in real life than their picture showed.
Fourth, post multiple photos if the site allows. One shot is good, two shots better, three shots great.
Fifth, no group photos. Look, if I'm browsing, I'm not looking to date you and your friends or family (that's a different issue). I'm just looking at you.
Sixth, make yourself look like a fun, inviting person. I can't say what to do here specifically, but I know it when I see it. People are browsing, and probably browsing fast. Your picture registers in their brain for a split second. It must register a message that says something like: "wait...slow down...this person looks interesting." If your picture doesn't communicate that, you are done for.
So, avoid the mistakes and follow the tips. Easy as "1-2-3 cheese." (Boy, that was totally cheesy, but I couldn't resist).
To Your Dating Success,
Jeffrey Betman
BONUS : Tips For Successful Online Relationships
Finding a person online that intrigues you enough to pursue an online relationship is difficult. Once you have found that person you need to revisit the age old issues of developing that relationship. In many respects, some may say that online relationships are easier then in person relationships. But, in reality it is pretty much the same, just a little bit more removed. Dating tips are essentially the same, but they are a little more subtle then if you are face-to-face.
Safety
Even if the person sounds fantastic online you must be aware that there are some people out there that are being all you want them to be, but with ulterior motives. The very first piece of online dating advise is to not to give the person on the other end any numbers like telephone or PIN numbers regardless of how good they sound.
Be honest with yourself
Relationship advice is always a bit suspect because we are all a bit different. Dating advice from one person to another only reflects that one person giving the dating advice and not necessarily how it applies to you. Always take advice on dating and apply it, with modification, to who you are. DonÂt fudge about who you truly are, it will only come back to haunt you later on.
Slow and steady
One dating tip for a quality online relationship is to take it slow. Some might more aptly call this dating tip the restriction of to-much-information (TMI.) You do not need to have an online relationship develop 100 percent in one or two weeks. Let the personal information out slowly. A little mystery will go a long way to building the relationship.
Inflection
This particular piece of online dating advice is one item that requires a bit of work. Voice inflection when online is lost. Inflection is one of those things that we really take for granted. Quite a bit of meaning is lost without it. If you are sarcastic (like me) you can quickly lose somebody on the other end if they donÂt know how the words are intended. This is one of the reasons that the LOL and smile face type notations have come about. The problem is, many people find these notations a bit Âcutesy. The online dating advice here is to use words to explain your inflection rather then symbols. So, if sarcastic, simply insert (sarcasm) into the text or use uppercase (OH BOY!!!) for very happy or (OH BOY) for can you believe what he did.
Conversation
Most people say that the art of conversation is dead. In a certain sense this also applies to online dating. Using text abbreviations and assumptions make online relationship building even more impersonal then it already is. This particular piece of online dating advice could be applied to regular relationship building as well. Use simple but descriptive whole worlds to describe what you are discussing. The right word will say quite a bit about who you are. For example: I like kayaking because of the way the paddle slips into the calm water works better then paddling is relaxing. You will come off as a bit more refined rather then just another person online.
DonÂt impose
This is perhaps the hardest piece of advice for dating online to get used to. It is so easy to use a word that imposes a thought, belief or need onto another person without even knowing that you are doing it. If there is one thing that will stop an online relationship dead in its tracks it is imposing yourself on another. Once your online relationship progresses a bit you may loosen up a bit with this piece of relationship advice but until then always defer to the other person in the way you phrase a sentence. Make sure you make it known how you feel, but be sure that the wording reflects the other personÂs ability to disagree or agree.
Be positive
Nobody likes a Âgloomy Gus when they get online. They really donÂt want to be in an ongoing relationship with such a person, unless they happen to be a gloomy Gus. Stay up beat when you are writing with your online friend. Sure, everybody has their down days, and that is fine to share. It shows that you are becoming comfortable with that person. If there starts to be a pattern, however, you may want to assess what is going on with yourself personally or with a friend but there is really no need to share it online. If your assessment leads to a life change for the better well, that is a great thing to share. Relationship advice or not, good news is a turn on for most.
Be open ended
Just about everybody has heard the phrase Âleave them wanting more. This holds true for online dating. You might think about your daily online conversations or your longer term relationships as a multi-course dinner. Always leave the person salivating for the next course. One of the better ways to do this is ask a question or two that requires a little thought or research. This will let them have something to bring to the table for your next conversation. This would also apply to you. Indicate that you will look into something and let them know what you find the next time you write.
Meeting for the first time
The big piece of online dating advice here is to meet in a busy place. All the online chat in the world wonÂt substitute for the first meeting and a true assessment. Try to stay relaxed. Listen, but be able to carry the conversation. Stick to areas where you can find help quickly. Call me a bit of a cynic but safety first.
Most importantly be yourself
How many times have you heard that one? Fortunately or not, the statement does ring particularly true for online relationships. A certain amount of Âyou will seep into the online relationship whether you like it or not but try for being true to yourself all the time. Faking who you are will doom the relationship, unless you really didnÂt want an online relationship in the first place. If you swear quite a bit in life, go for it (just use symbols so as to not offend to much.), if you happen to be one of those folks that dots their ÂIÂs with a heart go for that as well. Be who you are and the need for online relationship advice will go away fairly fast.
Finding a person online that intrigues you enough to pursue an online relationship is difficult. Once you have found that person you need to revisit the age old issues of developing that relationship. In many respects, some may say that online relationships are easier then in person relationships. But, in reality it is pretty much the same, just a little bit more removed. Dating tips are essentially the same, but they are a little more subtle then if you are face-to-face.
Safety
Even if the person sounds fantastic online you must be aware that there are some people out there that are being all you want them to be, but with ulterior motives. The very first piece of online dating advise is to not to give the person on the other end any numbers like telephone or PIN numbers regardless of how good they sound.
Be honest with yourself
Relationship advice is always a bit suspect because we are all a bit different. Dating advice from one person to another only reflects that one person giving the dating advice and not necessarily how it applies to you. Always take advice on dating and apply it, with modification, to who you are. DonÂt fudge about who you truly are, it will only come back to haunt you later on.
Slow and steady
One dating tip for a quality online relationship is to take it slow. Some might more aptly call this dating tip the restriction of to-much-information (TMI.) You do not need to have an online relationship develop 100 percent in one or two weeks. Let the personal information out slowly. A little mystery will go a long way to building the relationship.
Inflection
This particular piece of online dating advice is one item that requires a bit of work. Voice inflection when online is lost. Inflection is one of those things that we really take for granted. Quite a bit of meaning is lost without it. If you are sarcastic (like me) you can quickly lose somebody on the other end if they donÂt know how the words are intended. This is one of the reasons that the LOL and smile face type notations have come about. The problem is, many people find these notations a bit Âcutesy. The online dating advice here is to use words to explain your inflection rather then symbols. So, if sarcastic, simply insert (sarcasm) into the text or use uppercase (OH BOY!!!) for very happy or (OH BOY) for can you believe what he did.
Conversation
Most people say that the art of conversation is dead. In a certain sense this also applies to online dating. Using text abbreviations and assumptions make online relationship building even more impersonal then it already is. This particular piece of online dating advice could be applied to regular relationship building as well. Use simple but descriptive whole worlds to describe what you are discussing. The right word will say quite a bit about who you are. For example: I like kayaking because of the way the paddle slips into the calm water works better then paddling is relaxing. You will come off as a bit more refined rather then just another person online.
DonÂt impose
This is perhaps the hardest piece of advice for dating online to get used to. It is so easy to use a word that imposes a thought, belief or need onto another person without even knowing that you are doing it. If there is one thing that will stop an online relationship dead in its tracks it is imposing yourself on another. Once your online relationship progresses a bit you may loosen up a bit with this piece of relationship advice but until then always defer to the other person in the way you phrase a sentence. Make sure you make it known how you feel, but be sure that the wording reflects the other personÂs ability to disagree or agree.
Be positive
Nobody likes a Âgloomy Gus when they get online. They really donÂt want to be in an ongoing relationship with such a person, unless they happen to be a gloomy Gus. Stay up beat when you are writing with your online friend. Sure, everybody has their down days, and that is fine to share. It shows that you are becoming comfortable with that person. If there starts to be a pattern, however, you may want to assess what is going on with yourself personally or with a friend but there is really no need to share it online. If your assessment leads to a life change for the better well, that is a great thing to share. Relationship advice or not, good news is a turn on for most.
Be open ended
Just about everybody has heard the phrase Âleave them wanting more. This holds true for online dating. You might think about your daily online conversations or your longer term relationships as a multi-course dinner. Always leave the person salivating for the next course. One of the better ways to do this is ask a question or two that requires a little thought or research. This will let them have something to bring to the table for your next conversation. This would also apply to you. Indicate that you will look into something and let them know what you find the next time you write.
Meeting for the first time
The big piece of online dating advice here is to meet in a busy place. All the online chat in the world wonÂt substitute for the first meeting and a true assessment. Try to stay relaxed. Listen, but be able to carry the conversation. Stick to areas where you can find help quickly. Call me a bit of a cynic but safety first.
Most importantly be yourself
How many times have you heard that one? Fortunately or not, the statement does ring particularly true for online relationships. A certain amount of Âyou will seep into the online relationship whether you like it or not but try for being true to yourself all the time. Faking who you are will doom the relationship, unless you really didnÂt want an online relationship in the first place. If you swear quite a bit in life, go for it (just use symbols so as to not offend to much.), if you happen to be one of those folks that dots their ÂIÂs with a heart go for that as well. Be who you are and the need for online relationship advice will go away fairly fast.
