The Anxiety Of The First Date

The Anxiety Of The First Date

The first date is one of the most important events in the relationships of many couples. As important as this occasion is, it is also a very nerve-racking experience to go out with someone you have just met, or just decided to date. Perhaps the fact that this one significant date can potentially become the beginning of a lifelong relationship is why this first date is such an important occurrence. Whatever the reason that the first date is so major, there are many reasons that there is pressure on the first date. The first date is so demanding because it either leads to the occurrence or non-occurrence of the second date. Many people are shy and dating is difficult. If you have just come out of a serious relationship, there is pressure to get right back into a serious relationship.

One of the reasons that the first date is so anxiety filled is that the chances of a second date rest almost solely on what happens on the first date. If the first date is terrible and things go wrong, or the person you have asked out is bored where you take them, or if something is said or done that is offensive, it is difficult to get passed that first bad impression that is left by the first date. Whatever the reason for the date ending in disaster, most of the time, it does not matter whether the problem was intentionally caused or not. They always say that you only have one chance to make a first impression. This is often true in cases of disastrous first dates. One way you can help prevent this is to plan everything ahead of time. The less that can go wrong that is under your control, the better.

Another reason that a first date is so pressure packed is because of shyness. Many people who wish to make a splash in the dating scene are very shy. Some believe that shyness is a self-imposed condition. While this is in part true, many people are painfully shy and this shyness is just as real to them as any other aspect of his or her life. To people like these, dating in general and first dates in particular can be very difficult. If a first date is daunting to people who are not shy, imagine how scary it would be for a shy person. A way that a shy person can help fix this problem is perhaps listen to motivational tapes or get therapy to help him or her with self-esteem.

One other reason that someone might be fearful of a first date is that he or she might have just come out of a serious relationship. If someone is trying to get back into the dating scene after a broken relationship, he or she may feel a certain pressure to find a new partner and begin another serious relationship again. This type of person always needs to be sure that he or she is ready to date again. It may not be the right thing to do to start dating if there is no chance of a new relationship with that person at that point. Plus, if that person moves on to a new relationship without being ready for it, the new relationship may not go well.

There are several reasons first dates are nerve-racking. From the fact that there may or may not be a second date, to someone being shy, to an old relationship hanging over one’s head, a first date can have a lot of pressure associated with it. By making changes in your life, you can conquer whatever fears you have associated with the first date.

BONUS : The Art Of Flirting

Make the Right Moves
The finer points of social intercourse...........

The art of flirting is not only the preserve of the rich, beautiful and exceptionally confident, nor do you have to be a wanton women or lecherous Casanova to participate. With a little bit of practice and some sound advise, flirting is available to everyone – best of all, it can be a powerful social weapon when used for good instead of evil. Did we mention it’s great fun, builds confidence, can win you lots of friends and is a playful yet sure-fire way to test the waters when it comes to romance?

But enough of this shameless teasing, come hither and we whisper some tips in your ear that will ensure you’re not, in fact, flirting with disaster.

New social situations fill most people with fear and while some of us are adept at bluffing it out, the greater portion of the room will usually prefer to stick with the people they know, or hide in the shadows praying that someone will talk to them – in extreme cases, praying that they won’t. Taking the dreaded first step is always a tough one, requiring great reserves of mental strength – or at least a tall glass of Dutch courage. But according to the experts it’s all in the way you approach it.

When people grasp the concept that to be a great flirt you pay attention to the other

Person rather than drawing attention to yourself, it becomes more appealing, especially to people who are not particularly socially confident.

Shift your attention to making somebody else feel good, you’ll be pleasantly surprised that when you make somebody else feel good, they will often return the favour.

Sounds simple, huh? Take your glass of wine, stand next to someone and smile encouragingly at him or her as they talk about themselves. Eventually they’ll run out of things to say and start being nice to you instead. But without using camouflage and sidling up to someone like a Russian spy, how do you put yourself in the right position for that conversation?

Breaking the ice is undoubtedly the hardest part of meeting someone new, so what do you actually say to get the ball rolling – presumably, “Remember my name, you’ll be screaming it later” is not a great opener?

“Start with hello, then go out on a limb, you should tell that story, the one that makes you look like a dodo. Once you reveal yourself as human you’ll help others feel relaxed.”

Good flirts make other people feel special and enjoy doing it. “Flirts love people and notice what makes them tick.” They also have a great attitude, one that is relaxed, fearless and outward looking”. Treat it like a game, to win you just need to get then to smile back.” According to the experts, coaxing yourself into the kind of relaxed and playful state of mind you need for successful flirting needn’t require a personality transplant if you’re not usually the gregarious type. All you have to do is change your attitude by being conscious of your negative thoughts and changing them to positive ones. Most of us don’t approach others because we fear rejection, but flirting reduces this risk, as you’re simply putting out feelers to see what response you get before you put your heart on the line. Getting in the right frame of mind will definitely make it easier to get out there and say hi.

To be playful you just have to think playful. Maybe there’s a song that energises you, or a memory that makes you feel good. Conjure them up in your head and you’ll be surprised at that little kick of energy and enthusiasm you get. Our advise is not to use fake plastic bre3asts or a false moustache as your props – way too much room for error. But certainly having a few tunes that will build your confidence is ideal given the normal social conditions most of us operate in.

When most people think about flirting they concentrate on romantic context. However at it’s heart, flirting is simply about making people feel valued, and in return for this you’ll be remembered and liked; an ideal scenario for the workplace and everyday social interaction.

Flirting is useful in business, when you flirt with someone you pay them a compliment and compliments can grease the wheels of industry. Don’t confuse this with browning or being overly effusive of course, but it is good noticing other people and being interested in them. Sincere, rather than saucy. As your mother probably told you ,”it does’nt hurt to say something nice.”

It’s important to keep in mind that you need to be careful when flirting, particularly in the workplace – signals can be misunderstood if you aren’t clear. “Never cross the line or be sleazy,” This is particularly true of email flirting; you must be careful not to be lewd or overtly suggestive they may come back to haunt you. Sending colleagues a digital image of you wearing just a big smile, for instance, is probably a tad too much.

Flirting is not all about achieving a romantic goal, flirting when done well is natural communication where you focus your attention on the other person. It makes people notice you – not for you’re your great feats and accomplishments, but because you come across as a genuine and intelligent human being. Everyone wants someone to listen to them and to remember who they are – it’s one of the greatest compliments there is.

When flirting is great for testing the water of romance or for planting yourself favourably at work, it can also help keep the fires burning in a long-term relationshop.

Flirting keeps relationships – new and old fresh and alive....

So what’s the best advice for getting out there? “Nothing ventured nothing gained”, it costs nothing to smile or pay someone a compliment.

Article provided by Events4Singles www.romance4millionaires.com.au www.events4singles.com