The 8 Reasons Why You Haven T Found Your Mr Right

The 8 Reasons Why You Haven’t Found Your Mr. Right

The statistics, in this case, don’t lie.

By the age of 50, 27.6% of women are still single. That’s more than 1 in 4.

Some of them of course, are not interested in finding a man as a life long partner – and if they’re genuinely happy, that’s fine. Although it does need to be a genuine wish to stay single, not a once held desire to be partnered now lost. You’ll learn more about that below.

But you’re reading this, so I suspect you are interested in finding your Mr. Right. So you’ll need to know which of the following 8 reasons is stopping you finding him. Of course it could be more than just 1 of these reasons.

Whichever apply to you (or even if your reason isn’t identified here), they all have the same effect. If you continue to hold these reasons dear to your heart, you will not find your Mr. Right. Harsh – I know. But you’ll understand why by the end of this article.

However, if you are prepared to tackle the issue, then you really can find your Mr. Right.

So what are the top 8 reasons why you haven’t yet find your Mr. Right?

1. You’ve been burnt in the past by relationships and it’s just too painful to go out and look for another

Some women keep this reason so well hidden within themselves that they don’t even realise that’s their reason. Maybe it’s years since you split up with this partner, but you felt so hurt, so damaged by the break up that you just can’t bear to put yourself through it again. As a result you aren’t out actively looking for, or getting, dates on a regular basis.

2. Your self esteem is low

“Who would love me? I’m not attractive. No one would want to go out with me.” That’s the kind of things you say to yourself if you don’t have the self esteem you need to go out and get the relationship you genuinely deserve.

There are a whole host of reasons why you may not have the esteem – but the important thing is that the belief that you’re not worthy of a loving, caring partner is a serious block – which you can address.

3. There aren’t any decent men out there

This belief is commonly rooted in the first reason I talked about above; being burnt in the past. But there are other reasons. It could be that your standards are unattainably high – sometimes you set them that high to protect yourself from being hurt again or from being rejected. Yes, it is possible that you genuinely can’t find suitable men, but there are millions out there, it’s rarely solely to do with looking in the wrong places.

4. I just don’t have time

If you rise before the sun and you’re too exhausted when you return from work, it’s understandable that you don’t have time to go out and socialise. But just how important is it for you to find a life long partner? If it really isn’t that important, don’t worry about it, just keep going at your career.

However, if you still have that niggling feeling that you really do want to find him, you must change your routine to free up time to go out looking for and going on dates.

If you haven’t managed to put those changes in place within a month, there’s a bigger, hidden, secondary reason why you’re not making the time for it.

5. You’re concerned there’s something wrong with you

Surely it’s one of our biggest fears that we’re not loveable. If you put yourself out there and nobody wants to be with you, isn’t that what’s being said? So by not putting yourself out there to be rejected, you don’t run the risk of learning that message. In other words, by not taking action to find Mr. Right you can never be said to be un-loveable because you haven’t really tried.

The reality of course is that you are loveable. By the way, you may have spotted that this reason is very closely tied to self esteem again.

6. You don’t like the dating scene

Maybe you don’t like pubs and clubs – smoky atmospheres and drunken sleazes trying to chat you up. And what if you don’t like internet dating either? Lots of time wasters, losers and geeks. I always tell my clients that dating is a numbers game. If you’re chopping out all the high number options then you’re definitely making it a whole lot more difficult for yourself.

There are alternatives, just as long as you’re prepared to invest more time in ploughing through the numbers. And yes, you will always come across men you see as losers, geeks or sleazy wherever you go. That’s why it always helps to have a clear picture of who you’re planning on meeting – because when you’ve had another fruitless night of dating, you can always comfort yourself with the clear picture in your mind of your future Mr. Right.

7. You don’t believe you need to actively search for him

It will happen naturally. Won’t it? Well how’s that strategy worked for you so far? If you’ve been waiting to find him ‘naturally’ for the last 10 years, how many more decades do you want to try this as a method?

Searching for him doesn’t mean you’re desperate or that you’re breaking some hidden female rule. It simply means you get a lot more guys to pick from and you’re much more likely to find someone who’ll be perfect for you.

There’s a lot of historical social proof to suggest that your knight should just come riding in on his white horse. But I’ve got news for you – the horse went out as a means of transport in the 19th century!

8. You don’t believe you can significantly affect the likelihood of finding your Mr. Right

“I just haven’t found him yet – it’s just a case of waiting for the right man to come along.”

There’s a statistic published by one of the dating agencies at the moment that it takes 432 introductions to find your partner. Well you’ve already met more than 432 people in your life. There’s something you’re doing or something you believe that is affecting your ability to attract your Mr. Right. If you don’t change it, you won’t find him. Not because he isn’t out there, but because your actions keep him away from you. You may not know what it is that you’re doing, but be reassured that you can change it if you a) work out what it is, and b) decide that you are committed to changing it.

So those are the 8 top reasons. There are more. But they all have one thing in common. They are beliefs that affect your ability to attract the right man. If you really want to find your Mr. Right all you need to do is work out which ones are preventing you finding him and take action to change them.

What’s preventing you?

Michael Myerscough is the author of the best-selling ebook ‘Finding Mr. Right’. To learn how to eliminate your reasons - take action and get the first chapter of this ebook for free - just visit: http://www.howtofindmrright.com

BONUS : The 13th Dating Trap

Copyright 2006 David Steele

”She’s so hot!”

“He’s a hunk!”

“Men/Women are only after one thing.”

“Why can’t men/women see past my body/bank account?”

Women commonly dislike being evaluated or pursued by men solely for their physical attractiveness, and men commonly dislike being evaluated or pursued by women for their job or money.

When we don’t know someone, it is natural to focus on the outside packaging. It is also understandable to be attracted to something that is very important to us, such as looks or money. Deep down we know that potential partners, like us, want to be viewed as multi-dimensional beings, not just a body or a wallet. Yet, in dating, whether straight or gay, young or old, unconscious singles commonly focus on the one big thing that attracts them, and then wonder why their relationships don’t work.

I propose the “PACKAGING TRAP” as the 13th Dating Trap.

In our culture we objectify people by focusing on their age, gender, race, clothes, hair, weight, job, finances, and other external characteristics, and make generalizations about who they are as a person. When scouting for potential partners, it is common for some singles to focus on the packaging first, then not see much else beyond that. This works both ways- rejecting some people because of their packaging, and pursuing others because of their packaging.

Focusing on packaging can interfere even when you don’t intend to. True personal story- Maggie and I met on Match.com only after she had the smarts to modify her search criterion when she wasn’t finding anyone compatible. My search missed her because I selected 5’ 2” as my minimum height (Maggie is 5’ 1 ½”) and she selected her age and older (I’m 18 months younger). Neither of us intended to discriminate based upon such external packaging characteristics and reject potential partners younger or shorter! When Maggie modified her search criterion to include men a few years younger she found me, and I’m very glad she did.

It is understandable to have preferences and reactions to external packaging; however, if our goal is an internal experience, such as to be happy, loved, and fulfilled in a relationship, we may need to balance our attraction to the outside packaging by paying more attention to the person inside.

I recently had a conversation with a single friend who, after completing our Relationship Success Training for Singles program (RESTS), has been working with one of our relationship coaches for several years. He was frustrated about getting involved in relationships that appear promising in the beginning then don’t work out. He and I have had an on-going debate about his weight requirement- no more than 5 pounds overweight (I could never figure out how he would measure that!). Body shape was his first and primary sorting tool, pursuing women with great bodies (who were usually not attracted to him) and immediately rejecting women who were not slender. Still single and nearing retirement age, he was despairing of finding a partner. I like him a lot, wanted to see him happy in a relationship, and really wanted to help. This time, our conversation focused more specifically on the Law of Attraction, and how his weight “requirement” may be interfering with his success.

Remember, the Law of Attraction can work for you or against you. If you objectify others by focusing on their packaging, then you will probably be objectified in return. As a man objectifying women by their appearance my friend might be attracting women who objectify him by his appearance, job, money, car, or other external packaging characteristic, and might not be capable of the kind of relationship he really wants.

In our RESTS program, we specify that Requirements are almost always behavioral events in the relationship, not traits of a partner. This has been challenging for many singles that are used to making a list of what they want in their ideal partner. I like to say, “you can make a list of a hundred traits or qualities, find someone that meets all of them, and STILL be miserable.”

We help singles refine their list and translate their requirements from traits of a partner into behavioral relationship events by asking “What does _____ mean to you?” and “What must happen in your relationship to be _____?” Any personal trait or characteristic can be transformed into a behavioral relationship event, such as “Good listener” into “Good communication” or “Deep listening to each other.” The more specific and bottom-line- the better. Most requirements go both ways and involve both partners, such as “good communication” and“addiction-free.”

Balance is the key. RCI coach Mike McCartney said “JUST the outside without the inside won't work. JUST the inside without the outside won't work for the vast majority,” and I agree. It is natural to have some requirements related to packaging, such as race, height, age, and even body type or weight, but I prefer to de-emphasize focusing on packaging that doesn’t have much to do with a quality relationship, and emphasize what is required to have the life and relationship you want.

In practice, very few external characteristics pass the requirements test- “If you were totally in love and really wanted this relationship to work, would you break it off because of _____?”

The 2001 movie “Shallow Hal” has a great example of this. Jack Black as Hal, a single guy obsessed with external packaging, was hypnotized to see only the person inside and pursued Gwyneth Paltrow’s illusionary slim character. Then, when the hypnotic spell broke and he saw her actual obesity, he decided that her weight didn’t interfere with his love and desire for her.

My friend held steadfastly to his weight requirement, fearing that if he let go of it, he would end up with someone he was not physically attracted to. I tried to reassure him that with the Law of Attraction “like attracts like,” and if he let go of focusing on weight he might be opening the door for his soul mate- a wonderful woman who is attracted to him, to whom he too will be attracted.

At the end of the evening, my friend still seemed skeptical, but he said I gave him a lot to think about. I hope he can let go and give the Law of Attraction a chance to work for him- at this point he has nothing to lose!

The 13th Dating Trap (to be added to the current “12 Dating Traps”):

PACKAGING TRAP: Focusing on outside packaging, such as someone’s body, looks, job, wealth, material possessions, etc, overlooking the reality of the person inside. Opposite of the Marketing Trap; instead of seeking to sell yourself with attractive packaging, you focus on the packaging of others.

SOLUTION: Define your requirements for the life and relationship you really want and seek to balance your attraction to the packaging by paying attention to the reality of the person inside.