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The 4 Pitfalls You Must Avoid When Writing Your Online Dating Profile
Copyright 2006 Jayne Parke
Writing a good online Dating Profile takes a little time and effort and done properly can bring a continuous stream of potential quality dates. It is important to pay attention to the details when writing your profile and avoid the following 4 pitfalls at all costs, as these can often make the difference to your dating experience and to the quality of responses you get.
1. The Copycat Pitfall.
I'm sure that you will agree when I say that this is one of the most common pitfalls that hundreds have fallen into. How many hundreds of profiles sound the same? Some are almost identical. Why? Could it be because people don't know what to say? Or could it be that some dating sites who give profile writing advice tell their members to look at other profiles before they write their own? Has this unintentionally resulted in the copycat effect? Who knows?
Whatever the reason, it is important for you to be as unique as you can. There is only one you. No two people are the same, which means your personal ads shouldn't be the same either. You should avoid being stereotyped at all costs. This way, you make a unique claim on your ad. And you make your individuality a lot more visible.
2. The Personal Adjective Pitfall.
Some people in order to describe themselves use the same old personal adjectives that don't really say anything; you know the same old generic stuff that could apply to half the population: "I am an honest, creative, funny person"
When describing yourself, where possible show your unique qualities by emphasizing them in the way you write your ad. For example, instead of writing: "I am a funny witty person." Write your ad using your own humorous style.
People are funny in different ways; you need to decide how to show your sense of humor in a way that is your own. You must differentiate yourself from the others.
If you are a person that is able to make witty comments about themselves, go for it - it always acts as a turn on. You know the best part about humor. It always works. It sells like a billion dollars.
If you are a creative person then write creatively and the reader will see your creativity. Don't write "I am intelligent" Just write your ad correctly, make sure it reads well, and it has no grammatical errors. Don't tell them. Show them. Listen, I"m not telling you never to use personal adjectives in your profile, I"m just saying use them wisely and sparingly. Use action words where applicable.
The other point I want to make is using nothing but "I's" in your profile: writing too many "I like", " I am", "I want" and "I don'ts" may portray you as a selfish person, someone who only focuses on themselves; this is not attractive and certainly not good selling point.
Remember the reader is not just interested in you. They want to know why they should contact you. Give them a reason. Don't just talk about yourself, involve them.
3. The Negativity Pitfall.
Take a look at the following sentences and see which one is more attractive and appealing to you:
"I've been dreading this for ages. To tell the truth, I am fed up with people and dating sites. " Or "I've found out that there are some awesome people online, and I'm really excited to meet them."
The first one is written by someone who obviously has a negative attitude! Would you want to date this person? Negativity is a major turn-off. Avoid anything negative. People don't respond well to negativity.
Don't include anything negative in your profile, even though at times it seems easier to think about what you don't want or don't like. Just rephrase it to into a positive. Transform your weaknesses into fine points. Or better yet, make your weak points very subtle. Focus more on your finer qualities.
So instead of using phrases like: "I'm mostly a loner, with only a few friends and I absolutely hate the noisy overcrowded bar scene" Say "I'm a true individual with unique genuine qualities, whose social interests vary from gathering intimately with a small group of friends to quiet nights in with my favorite author"
The idea is to take your fearful negative thoughts and change them into optimistic and positive ones. Be upbeat, positive and have fun writing your profile, others are much more likely to have fun reading it.
4. The Writing For Everyone Pitfall.
One misconception about writing a personal ad is that you should write for an audience. This is silly, I mean ask yourself: Do I really want to date the audience? If you do, go for it. But most likely, you just want to meet the 'one'. You know, your ideal partner.
You need to write like you are talking to the one person you want to meet. Make it personal to them. Write in such a way that makes them feel that you are really talking to him/her. Remember that you are NOT looking to achieve hundreds of responses; you are looking to get quality responses from those that you are interested in and would be attracted to.
You will want to write your profile differently depending on whether you're looking for a casual or serious relationship. Obviously, in a casual relationship you're just looking for some fun. Go ahead, there's nothing wrong with that, as long as your profile makes it clear where you're coming from. You don't want to mislead people.
There could be trouble when one person is in for something more serious and the other is into sheer hedonism and fun! So you should absolutely make your intentions clear from the start. Doing this automatically weeds out those that don't fit the bill for you, therefore saving you hours of time which enables you to focus your efforts on those that do interest you.
Your dating success can be achieved by paying attention to the details. This can make all the difference. Good Luck and have fun!
BONUS : The 6 Best Seduction Techniques!!!
The dating game is all about the approach. If you dont try you are never going to get a date on your terms. Most people feel a little intimidated when they enter the dating game. They feel the pressure when trying to walk up to someone they dont know and ask for a date. Breaking the ice is an important first step in this nerve racking process in the search for romance.The opening words you may utter will speak volumes. Literally, in less than 10 seconds you will either have set yourself up for life, have a definite date, or be going home alone as usual with your tail between your legs.
The initial step in initiating a date are simple but daunting. Psychologists tell us that people make their mind up within seconds and I think most of us who are truthful will agree that we know pretty much instantly if we are attracted to someone or not. This can be changed over time but why make it hard for ourselves? Why not strike when the irons hot and grab our date on the first attempt.
If that is the case why is speaking still important? Well, looks are the visual presentation and if someone likes the look of us, its a start but not the full package.
Here are some tips :
1) SMILE -
Psychology and body language experts agree that one of the easiest things you can do to make yourself instantly attractive and approachable is to smile. Make yourself look like a fun person to be with. The look of happiness is an attractive quality.
2) EYE CONTACT -
Harvard psychologist Zick Rubin discovered that when deeply in love, couples look at each other when talking, and are slower to look away when someone else joins the conversation. Simply lock eyes with the person you are attracted to and keep them there, even when theyÂ’ve finished talking or someone else joins in,Â’ advises sexpert and flirting guru Tracy Cox. This way they will know that youÂ’re more interested in them than the other person. If they hold your gaze several times in a row, you can be quietly confident they like you too.
3) COPY BODY MOVEMENTS -
Mirroring someoneÂ’s body language is the single most effective thrick to flirting. Just match their gestures and movements. We like people who are like us. If they mirror our behaviour we sense they are on the same level and they tend to drop their guard and let us into their personal space. If the other person is interested they tend to start copying your body language too.
4) LISTEN -
They will feel more important and flattered if they feel you are listening to them. You are making them feel good about themselves and if they feel good about them selves they are more likely to stick around you, giving you all the time you need to impress them.
5) TOUCH -
Touch is the number one instant bonder. A momentary touch can have an electric effect on how somebody feels about you. The more you like someone, the more you want to touch them and the more you touch them, the more they tend to like you.
6) COMPLIMENTS -
Compliments, if done correctly will always make someone feel good about themselves. They are more likely to like you and become more responsive to your advances
It is often said that women are genrally attracted to men who are witty and amusing. This can be confirmed if you look at any dating column request. “Must have a (GSOH) good sense of humor”. A funny, comical approach is always a great opener. Women dont want a 24hour stand up comedian but to break the ice, humor does work. The delivery of this humor is essentially the key, which brings me to my final point.
Chat up lines. They do work, and always will if done correctly. For some, chat up lines are a chore and look stressful to watch. Many come across as aggressive and foolish just because their anxiety levels are rocketing. Under these stress level they just tense up or communicate in a manner they would under normal circumstances. It is all about practice and confidence. The more people you speak to, the more socialable you become and the quicker you will master it.
Look at chat up lines as an ice breaker, not the foundations of a potential relationship
The dating game is all about the approach. If you dont try you are never going to get a date on your terms. Most people feel a little intimidated when they enter the dating game. They feel the pressure when trying to walk up to someone they dont know and ask for a date. Breaking the ice is an important first step in this nerve racking process in the search for romance.The opening words you may utter will speak volumes. Literally, in less than 10 seconds you will either have set yourself up for life, have a definite date, or be going home alone as usual with your tail between your legs.
The initial step in initiating a date are simple but daunting. Psychologists tell us that people make their mind up within seconds and I think most of us who are truthful will agree that we know pretty much instantly if we are attracted to someone or not. This can be changed over time but why make it hard for ourselves? Why not strike when the irons hot and grab our date on the first attempt.
If that is the case why is speaking still important? Well, looks are the visual presentation and if someone likes the look of us, its a start but not the full package.
Here are some tips :
1) SMILE -
Psychology and body language experts agree that one of the easiest things you can do to make yourself instantly attractive and approachable is to smile. Make yourself look like a fun person to be with. The look of happiness is an attractive quality.
2) EYE CONTACT -
Harvard psychologist Zick Rubin discovered that when deeply in love, couples look at each other when talking, and are slower to look away when someone else joins the conversation. Simply lock eyes with the person you are attracted to and keep them there, even when theyÂ’ve finished talking or someone else joins in,Â’ advises sexpert and flirting guru Tracy Cox. This way they will know that youÂ’re more interested in them than the other person. If they hold your gaze several times in a row, you can be quietly confident they like you too.
3) COPY BODY MOVEMENTS -
Mirroring someoneÂ’s body language is the single most effective thrick to flirting. Just match their gestures and movements. We like people who are like us. If they mirror our behaviour we sense they are on the same level and they tend to drop their guard and let us into their personal space. If the other person is interested they tend to start copying your body language too.
4) LISTEN -
They will feel more important and flattered if they feel you are listening to them. You are making them feel good about themselves and if they feel good about them selves they are more likely to stick around you, giving you all the time you need to impress them.
5) TOUCH -
Touch is the number one instant bonder. A momentary touch can have an electric effect on how somebody feels about you. The more you like someone, the more you want to touch them and the more you touch them, the more they tend to like you.
6) COMPLIMENTS -
Compliments, if done correctly will always make someone feel good about themselves. They are more likely to like you and become more responsive to your advances
It is often said that women are genrally attracted to men who are witty and amusing. This can be confirmed if you look at any dating column request. “Must have a (GSOH) good sense of humor”. A funny, comical approach is always a great opener. Women dont want a 24hour stand up comedian but to break the ice, humor does work. The delivery of this humor is essentially the key, which brings me to my final point.
Chat up lines. They do work, and always will if done correctly. For some, chat up lines are a chore and look stressful to watch. Many come across as aggressive and foolish just because their anxiety levels are rocketing. Under these stress level they just tense up or communicate in a manner they would under normal circumstances. It is all about practice and confidence. The more people you speak to, the more socialable you become and the quicker you will master it.
Look at chat up lines as an ice breaker, not the foundations of a potential relationship
