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Do You Understand Your Lover
This sounds a different kind of title - Do You Understand your Lover? DoesnÂt everybody do? Sadly not many of us understand our partners fully. If we had understood our lovers, the rates of separations and divorces would have gone down substantially instead of increasing. You may ask- if I don't understand my love than how are we so good partners? Why he/she enjoys me? Why are we together? Let me talk about these.
What does it mean by understanding? It is again a difficult question. Knowing about likes and dislikes does not mean understanding. To understand means to know the values, the life goals and the priorities of a person. To understand means to know what incidences made what impacts on that person. To understand means - you will be able to predict the reaction of your partner at a crucial moment. Can you do that with surety?
In the beginning of our relationship, we all talk about good things of life. Our focus is more to please our partner. Our focus is to get more pleasure in their company. we never think about the underlying psychological motivators at that time. After the relationship develop little further, we find that many times we get baffled by what our partner says and vice-versa. That side of his/her character we never knew. If this is something, we can accept easily, we will forget about it, or fissures will develop at this juncture.
Not many partners are totally honest with each other about their deepest thoughts, desires and fears. If I fear that you may one day leave me, because I doubt your long term loyalty, will I ever tell you about that fear? Such hidden thoughts create a wall between the partners that can be never crossed. Only few manage to break it. Once you do that and tell everything about yourself and your thoughts and get to know everything about your partner, the relationship will grow stronger. These kinds of relationships were common in the earlier days but are rare now.
BONUS : Do You Want To Be A Friend Or A Date
First of all, let's define "friend".
Do we want to find an "old" friend?
Lots of websites specialize in helping you find an "old" existing Friend.
These sites are called "classmates", "reunions", "public records" or names along the lines of trying to find acquaintances from way back, from school, the Service or previous jobs.
Do we want to find "people"?
We can use "publicbackgroundcheck", "usa-people-search", "peoplefinders" types of sites for finding people.
If, however, we are looking for love and are calling it friendship initially then things get really complicated.
For the word "friendship" the Web comes up with 46,100,000 replies.
So we should be more specific about what exactly the "friend" word means. "a person you know well and regard with affection and trust; "he was my best friend at the university" ally: an associate who provides assistance; "he's a good ally in fight"; "they were friends of the workers" acquaintance: a person with whom you are acquainted; "I have trouble remembering the names of all my acquaintances"; "we are friends of the family" supporter: a person who backs a politician or a team etc.; "all their supporters came out for the game"; "they are friends of the library" a member of the Religious Society of Friends founded by George Fox (the Friends have never called themselves Quakers) "
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
We can now of course rank friends: good friends, intimate friends, family friends ad infinitum. When we then continue to talk about "friends" and "friendship" we soon start approaching the decision we have to make; do we just want to be penpals or do we want to meet face to face at some point in time.
This brings us to the dangerous word: DATING.
Yes, we have now convinced ourselves that we want to date somebody.
Just on the Web or for real? We can now play games based on the fact that most people trying to find dates on the Web are married. Does that surprise you? Given the anonymity of the Web it is very likely that if I am fat and ugly I don't want to emphasize this fact when I try to attract a date, so temptation is very great to embellish things a bit and to say in my description that I am "Voluptuous" and "Attractive".
Who knows, in all likelihood I will never meet this person anyway and this is only fantasy. Guess what? I now start corresponding in earnest on the Web with this person I know nothing about. I tell this person all my deepest secrets, except the fact that I am ugly and fat. After doing this for a while my "Date" says that we should meet in person, because it seems we are really compatible.
YEEKS! What now? Well, you brought this on yourself and you have these options:
1. Go on a crash diet and get a face lift.
2. Forget about this person and try again with a new date.
3. Hope your Date is fat and ugly too so you should take a chance and meet anyway. (This takes a lot of courage).
4. Hope your Date is pretty or attractive and VERY understanding and will accept you the way you are. (Fat chance).
So, anyway, there you have it, some of the possibilities you have when you want a Friend.
One thing you should pick up from this : you are probably better off if you are honest to your future friend or date; it may prevent depression, bouts of overeating and Internet Withdrawal Symptoms.
First of all, let's define "friend".
Do we want to find an "old" friend?
Lots of websites specialize in helping you find an "old" existing Friend.
These sites are called "classmates", "reunions", "public records" or names along the lines of trying to find acquaintances from way back, from school, the Service or previous jobs.
Do we want to find "people"?
We can use "publicbackgroundcheck", "usa-people-search", "peoplefinders" types of sites for finding people.
If, however, we are looking for love and are calling it friendship initially then things get really complicated.
For the word "friendship" the Web comes up with 46,100,000 replies.
So we should be more specific about what exactly the "friend" word means. "a person you know well and regard with affection and trust; "he was my best friend at the university" ally: an associate who provides assistance; "he's a good ally in fight"; "they were friends of the workers" acquaintance: a person with whom you are acquainted; "I have trouble remembering the names of all my acquaintances"; "we are friends of the family" supporter: a person who backs a politician or a team etc.; "all their supporters came out for the game"; "they are friends of the library" a member of the Religious Society of Friends founded by George Fox (the Friends have never called themselves Quakers) "
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn
We can now of course rank friends: good friends, intimate friends, family friends ad infinitum. When we then continue to talk about "friends" and "friendship" we soon start approaching the decision we have to make; do we just want to be penpals or do we want to meet face to face at some point in time.
This brings us to the dangerous word: DATING.
Yes, we have now convinced ourselves that we want to date somebody.
Just on the Web or for real? We can now play games based on the fact that most people trying to find dates on the Web are married. Does that surprise you? Given the anonymity of the Web it is very likely that if I am fat and ugly I don't want to emphasize this fact when I try to attract a date, so temptation is very great to embellish things a bit and to say in my description that I am "Voluptuous" and "Attractive".
Who knows, in all likelihood I will never meet this person anyway and this is only fantasy. Guess what? I now start corresponding in earnest on the Web with this person I know nothing about. I tell this person all my deepest secrets, except the fact that I am ugly and fat. After doing this for a while my "Date" says that we should meet in person, because it seems we are really compatible.
YEEKS! What now? Well, you brought this on yourself and you have these options:
1. Go on a crash diet and get a face lift.
2. Forget about this person and try again with a new date.
3. Hope your Date is fat and ugly too so you should take a chance and meet anyway. (This takes a lot of courage).
4. Hope your Date is pretty or attractive and VERY understanding and will accept you the way you are. (Fat chance).
So, anyway, there you have it, some of the possibilities you have when you want a Friend.
One thing you should pick up from this : you are probably better off if you are honest to your future friend or date; it may prevent depression, bouts of overeating and Internet Withdrawal Symptoms.
