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Dating With Confidence
Dating can be a nerve-wracking experience for many people. After all, you could be meeting your future spouse. It can also be a very vulnerable experience. The whole point of dating (usually) is to get to know someone else on an intimate level, or at least beginning this process. For whatever reason, and there are many, most people want to make a good first impression. At the very least, most people want to avoid rejection. Dating is a prime opportunity for this by its very nature. Whether you're looking for a fun night out or a long term development, rejection can occur either way, and it can be difficult to deal with. Self-doubt can come in many forms, from questioning one's intelligence to one's looks to one's ability to tell a good joke. Dating puts it all out there.
How can you increase your confidence when it comes to dating? There are a few things you can do, and certain methods are more appropriate for some people than others.
First Things First
A date is just a date. It is not the rest of your life. Yes, you may meet your future spouse, but this is far beyond the scope of the date. At this point, no matter how desperate you may be feeling to finally settle down, focus only on the date. Putting more pressure on it makes it harder for both of you. The other person is likely to sense your "desperation" (for lack of a better word), and you end up putting way to much pressure on yourself. Instead, try focusing on the date itself, not where it may or may not lead. Enjoy the time together, or, if you don't, try to avoid blaming yourself and going into the litany of self-talk that tries to convince you that you're not worth dating, you'll never find someone, and that you'll be single for the rest of your life.
Be Yourself
Yes, you've heard it many times before, and there's a reason for it. If you do hit it off with the other person, it's best if this happens when you're being true to yourself. If you're "faking" it, you're then faced with coming forward and facing humiliation, rejection, or both, or continuing the facade. This takes a lot of effort, it's dishonest, and you can't keep it up for very long anyway. So whatever your faults, try not to hide them too much. This doesn't mean that you put them all out on the table on the first date, but it also means that you don't go to extreme measures trying to hide them or pretending to be something or someone you're not.
Get Out of Yourself
To help deal with your insecurities about yourself, try focusing on the other person. Show a genuine interest in what he or she has to say. Be honest and courteous in your responses. Let the other person have the spotlight. Not only does this help keep you from focusing on your insecurities, it also helps accomplish what dates are meant to do--get to know someone else better. Ask questions, listen to the answers, and ask more. Talk about common interests when you find them. Above all, try to avoid talking about yourself the whole time or worrying too much about how you look, what you're saying, and what type of impression you're making.
Try Something Different
If the idea of sitting through a quiet dinner with someone you barely know makes you break out into a sweat, consider dating activities that involve a bit more involvement. Take a tour through a garden, go rollerblading, or do some other activity that keeps you moving. If you have something to do, you can focus less on feeling awkward and more on the conversation. It helps keep the atmosphere lighter as well, which can make you both feel more comfortable and confident.
BONUS : Dating With Real Highlife Adventures
For many singles, the trend toward group activities based on common interests breaks new ground in the dating arena. "In a sense, we're going back to the future," says Mary Vallone, President of Highlife Adventures (www.highlifeadventures.com). "It's as though the ice cream social of the early 20th century has been kicked up several notches."
In our fast-paced culture, people sometimes spend more time with a BlackBerry or iPhone than they do with real potential partners. Shared experiences and face-to-face interaction have almost become a thing of the past but is it what people really want? According to Vallone, an upscale social club for singles in Chicago and Indianapolis, "Men and women are stepping out from the anonymity of the online dating world and reclaiming their lives," Vallone says. "Today's singles not only want to meet people who share their interests, but they also want to share real-life experiences with like-minded potential mates."
Vallone explains that her approach serves to bring people together in a pressure-free setting. "When you attend an event, you're meeting people you already have something in common with and who are all there to meet you," she says. "And, when you're having fun, you let your guard down and are more likely to meet the right person."
Indeed, Highlife Adventures' 3,000 Chicagoland members would be hard-pressed to find an ice cream social among the over 65 activities planned each month. Those who crave adventure can go parasailing, caving, or experience being a fighter pilot for a day. Music aficionados can revel in a hot night of cool jazz or attend a rock star fantasy camp, while those with cultural interests can attend a performance of the Chicago Symphony or a Frank Lloyd Wright tour. Members who enjoy the club scene can participate in a trolley pub-crawl, a moonlight party cruise, or events like "Martinis and Manicures" or "Pots 'n' Shots Pottery Class."
This new dating trend is in stark contrast to the bar scene of the 1980s, the one-on-one matching services of the 1990s, and the speed dating phenomena that peaked a few years ago. "Not all singles like to hang out in bars, many don't care for the pressure of sequential one-on-one dates, and most people find that speed dating is too superficial," says Vallone. And, while online dating may appeal to the college crowd, many of the 25- to 45-year-olds members have "been there, done that." According to Vallone, "Meeting people online can be fun, but also fraught with pitfalls. Singles fare better when they put down the mouse, get out of the house, and meet people face-to-face. We prescreen each member in person and have a company representative at each event to help ensure positive experiences by everyone."
Ultimately, Vallone concludes, "We don't match anyone. Instead, we provide unique, fun events where groups of singles can meet one another and find what they seek  whether it's a friend, a date, or a soulmate."
For many singles, the trend toward group activities based on common interests breaks new ground in the dating arena. "In a sense, we're going back to the future," says Mary Vallone, President of Highlife Adventures (www.highlifeadventures.com). "It's as though the ice cream social of the early 20th century has been kicked up several notches."
In our fast-paced culture, people sometimes spend more time with a BlackBerry or iPhone than they do with real potential partners. Shared experiences and face-to-face interaction have almost become a thing of the past but is it what people really want? According to Vallone, an upscale social club for singles in Chicago and Indianapolis, "Men and women are stepping out from the anonymity of the online dating world and reclaiming their lives," Vallone says. "Today's singles not only want to meet people who share their interests, but they also want to share real-life experiences with like-minded potential mates."
Vallone explains that her approach serves to bring people together in a pressure-free setting. "When you attend an event, you're meeting people you already have something in common with and who are all there to meet you," she says. "And, when you're having fun, you let your guard down and are more likely to meet the right person."
Indeed, Highlife Adventures' 3,000 Chicagoland members would be hard-pressed to find an ice cream social among the over 65 activities planned each month. Those who crave adventure can go parasailing, caving, or experience being a fighter pilot for a day. Music aficionados can revel in a hot night of cool jazz or attend a rock star fantasy camp, while those with cultural interests can attend a performance of the Chicago Symphony or a Frank Lloyd Wright tour. Members who enjoy the club scene can participate in a trolley pub-crawl, a moonlight party cruise, or events like "Martinis and Manicures" or "Pots 'n' Shots Pottery Class."
This new dating trend is in stark contrast to the bar scene of the 1980s, the one-on-one matching services of the 1990s, and the speed dating phenomena that peaked a few years ago. "Not all singles like to hang out in bars, many don't care for the pressure of sequential one-on-one dates, and most people find that speed dating is too superficial," says Vallone. And, while online dating may appeal to the college crowd, many of the 25- to 45-year-olds members have "been there, done that." According to Vallone, "Meeting people online can be fun, but also fraught with pitfalls. Singles fare better when they put down the mouse, get out of the house, and meet people face-to-face. We prescreen each member in person and have a company representative at each event to help ensure positive experiences by everyone."
Ultimately, Vallone concludes, "We don't match anyone. Instead, we provide unique, fun events where groups of singles can meet one another and find what they seek  whether it's a friend, a date, or a soulmate."
