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Under Their Thumb

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Title:
Under Their Thumb

Word Count:
765

Summary:
Some of my clients have come to me feeling like their worlds were not under their own control.


Keywords:
goal setting


Article Body:
Some of my clients have come to me feeling like their worlds were not under their own control. They felt as though everyone else ran their lives and had some aspect of control in everything that they did. I asked them to note some specific situations in which they felt this way and how they felt "out of control" of the situation. It's interesting to note that in every circumstance, there was some aspect of "guilt" or "second-guessing" involved. Indeed, these are the purest signs of self-relinquished control.

There are many ways that people can feel "loss of control" in their lives. We can lose control through frustration and burn-out, living in a rut, stagnation, illness, change, and trauma. However, one of the most common is unconsciously giving up control to others. This is an unconscious act involving two or more parties where party "A" literally hands over the reins to party "B".

At one time, "parental voices" controlled and molded our lives. These are the voices and rules provided by authority, family, and friends from whom our core belief systems evolved. However, some external influences and people can re-engage that basic instinct for seeking parental acceptance simply by imposing doubt into your world. By accepting the guilt or self-doubt imposed by others, you begin to live in someone else's "context". You surrender your own belief systems and adopt those of the other party. In doing so, you begin to live by the rules and controls of the other person.

One of the more common areas in which this occurs is in a professional or group setting where power and control are part of the environment. Many politically savvy individuals ("A") will take control of others ("B") simply by learning their ways, gaining their trust, and then embedding doubt or a feeling of non-acceptance. In this way, "A" is now subconsciously seen as the parental figure and "B" requires acceptance from "A". "A" is now in control of "B". Over time, "B" grows to feel animosity towards "A", but is usually unsure why except for the fact that "B" doesn't like the way that "A" treats them.

Once you fall into this situation, it is difficult to break free. You have to go through and undo the web of emotions and doubt that now clouds your thinking. However, you have to realize that it's not so much how "A" treats you as it is how you feel about your view of their treatment. By separating your ego and emotions from the situation, you are better able to break free from the reins of self-relinquished control. But, it's not so much that they have explicit control over you as it is that you are merely seeking their acceptance. It's an interesting situation to observe!

The best way to prevent such situations from occurring is to go through your own psyche and find out which "parental voices" are still present and dislodge them. You need to replace the old, worn out parental triggers with your own rules for your evolving belief systems. Of course, we usually just leave these voices where they are out of comfort and because they seem to work. However, these are triggers that can be tripped to cause us to fall into this loss-of-control scenario.

I recall one young man who, once he finished college, simply hung out in a local pub. He could not figure out what to do with his life. His parents had passed on, he had no other relatives around, so he just "waited" for anyone and anything that tripped his triggers. Because of this, he ended up in trouble from time to time because he was easily misled by people who gave him what he wanted --- acceptance and direction. After much work and planning, he began to move forward in his life and is slowly becoming a success in his own right. But, as you can see, these types of situations are very common and can occur just about anytime to anyone. I've also seen such issues occur with abused women, corporations, and myriad other inter-personal situations. People tend to sit and wait for acceptance and guidance from others because they relinquished control.

Live your own life by replacing these triggers with your own rules for living. You will never obtain acceptance from everyone as the rest of the world is out seeking acceptance as well. It's a never-ending cycle! Learn to accept yourself as, in the long run, you are the only person who has a stake in your own decisions and endeavors for a self-fulfilling life.


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BONUS : Title:
Using The Law Of Attraction With Goals

Word Count:
836

Summary:
Many people think their is a conflict between the Law of Attraction, as taught in "The Secret" and goal-setting. The belief that you should let the Universe decide how to bring you your goal seems to conflict with planning your goal strategy. However, these two approaches are compatible. Let me explain.


Keywords:
law of attraction, personal growth, goals, personal development, self improvement, success, achievement


Article Body:
Many people think there is a conflict between the Law of Attraction, as taught in "The Secret" and goal-setting. The belief that you should let the Universe decide how to bring you your goal seems to conflict with planning your goal strategy. However, these two approaches are compatible. Let me explain.
A great majority of people believe that it is wrong to be too specific when they set goals. After viewing films like “The Secret”, which is wonderful and enlightening, some people have the false belief that being specific is the wrong approach. Many teachers in this movie guide you towards allowing the Universe to decide how you get what you want. So if we follow this approach how does setting a goal, complete with a plan for its attainment, fit into this attraction process?
Well, anyone who has achieved an objective through traditional goal-setting methods is well aware that including specific details is the key to its attainment. They fully realize that being as specific as you can increases the likelihood of achieving your goal. These specifics should include completion date, a plan to follow that will lead to the achievement of the goal, stepping stone goals and highly specific details of the goal itself. For example, you may set a goal to have an increase in turn-over of $10,000 by the end of the quarter. You immediately devise a plan to increase sales and begin to build your goal steps by setting smaller goals that will lead to bigger goals that will lead to the attainment of your desired outcome. So how does this fit into ‘The Universe knows the best way’ approach offered by most law of attraction experts?
Well itÂ’s really very simple. When these teachers talk of not getting caught up in the specifics they do not mean the goal itself. They are referring to the delivery method of the goal. The Law of Attraction is always responding to your personal vibration. Your vibration is affected by what you think and how you feel. So if you get specific in your goal and even set time-limits for specific tasks then the Law of Attraction is responding to those thoughts and the feelings associated with them. By staying focused on the specifics your desired outcome and feeling very positive emotions about it and the attainment of it, you are adding tremendous power to the workings of the Law of Attraction. As long as you donÂ’t feel negative about your goal, or the plan you have devised, goal-setting like this can be very powerful.
However, if you set your aims too high, or make your goals unrealistic, then the Law of Attraction will work against you! You feel overwhelmed, doubtful and stressed. The Law will respond to this and your attraction vibration will be the opposite of what you want. By over-stretching yourself you will get negative thoughts and feelings about your goal. But by setting realistic goals, that do still stretch you, you can fully utilize the Law of Attraction to your advantage.
One key element of the Law of Attraction is that you always get more of what you focus on. Placing your attention on certain things consistently makes them grow and expand. So, by setting goals and working a plan to achieve it you are actually focusing your energy, thoughts and emotions towards that of the desired objective. By having set time-limits for the achievement of each step of your goal and the goal itself your thoughts, energy and feelings are also focused in that direction. Thus you are following one of the fundamental rules of the Law of Attraction – what you put our attention on expands. However, don’t get caught up on the one channel of distribution. Be open to the universe bringing you your goal any way it sees fit! You can still be specific about your plan but remain flexible and look for other opportunities.
The key is to always remain focused on the goal itself and not on the lack of it! You must also ensure you do not get frustrated if it appears that you may not reach your goal in the time-limit you specified. These are draw-backs of goal-setting as far as the Law of Attraction is concerned. However, they can be over-come.
Set realistic easily managed goals at first. Once you become proficient at goal-achievement you can start to stretch yourself a little more each time. As you begin to see overwhelming evidence that the Law of Attraction exists and that it is working in your favour you will be able to set you goals higher and bigger until there is nothing you cannot achieve.
Remember that when you reach for a goal to generate as much positive thoughts and feelings you can as they will ad power to your efforts through the Law of Attraction thus attracting more and more things to you that will get you closer and closer to your objective, until finally it falls in your lap!


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"Développez Votre Efficacité en 5 Jours"
de Christophe MONGREDIEN

"Les Secrets de Ceux Qui Ont Plus de Temps"
de Christian H. GODEFROY

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