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Marriage Counseling Make Time For Your Relationship By Avoiding

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Marriage Counseling-make Time For Your Relationship By Avoiding Urgency Addiction

Lori Zimmermann of Santa Barbara, California, worked for a large international retail organization for eight years. She entered corporate America with the intent to stay and make a career. But after eight years, she called it quits and started freelancing to have more control over her work hours and her life.

“I never felt finished at work,” she explains. “While I could maintain the status quo, I really couldn’t make it better. We worked up to 60 hours a week just to get the job done. It wasn’t directly said you had to do it, but everyone else was working that hard, so you just felt it was expected.”

She walked away from a guaranteed salary, a benefit structure, and stock options to have flexibility and control over her time. “Although it has certainly made things tougher financially, I’ve never regretted my decision,” she states.

She is not alone. More and more workers are questioning their role in corporate American and it’s “ASAPs” climate. Today’s corporate culture is “hooked” on urgency where everything is a priority, needing to be done yesterday. This “urgency addiction” has become a way of life, a workaholic culture. Company routine revolves around a series of emergency “fires” that need extinguishing immediately. Employees run from project to project with caffeine energy and buckets of sand. Sprinkling a little sand here, a little there, they feel exhausted at the end of the day, yet cannot point to any specific accomplishment or finished project.

Urgency addiction permeates today’s organizations and affects all who work there. It produces an adrenaline rush of feeling important, but soon leads to exhaustion and burn out. Those who attempt to fight it by asking, “But, which one is the priority?” are told, “Everything is a priority.” Employees dance as fast as they can but fall increasingly behind.

Workers try to compensate by taking work home, coming in early, or sacrificing time on weekends to improve productivity with no interruptions. This additional effort is usually rewarded with yet another project, another area of responsibility, and more simmering fires to extinguish.

By accepting bonuses, promotions, stock options, and buy-outs, boomers are trapped with “golden handcuffs” that make it difficult to leave, hard to stay, and impossible to say “no.” Money becomes the goal rather than a means to an end. Workers find that each rung of the success ladder only takes them to a higher level of urgency addiction. As one executive explained, “I’m at the top, but I don’t like the view.”

Some techniques to fight urgency addiction in your life:

*Review your calendar at the beginning of the week. Highlight the priorities and goals for each day. This will help you to narrow your focus. While unexpected emergencies may occur, you will be much less likely to be in a reactive mode if you take time to plan.

*Avoid hop-scotching. Resist hopping from one project to another without finishing what you start. You know what I mean; you start cleaning up a pile on your desk and then decide to create a file system. When you go to look in the files, you realize they have to be thinned, and so on. Finish one thing before you move on to something else.

*Do big projects first. You may have a tendency to gravitate to the projects or work that is easy to do. These often tend to be small projects that are “no-brainers.” Possibly you kid yourself that if you just clean up these small projects, you can give your full attention to the big things. The problem is never getting around to the large projects. So start with the ones you really don’t want to do and the small ones will get done along the way.

*Have a sign over your desk that reads:
Lack of planning on your part…
is not necessarily an emergency for me.
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BONUS : Marriage Counseling: Marriage Is Good For Your Health, Wealth, And Happiness

Marriage keeps you healthy, US government researchers reported in December. According to a new study by the Center for Disease Control, married people are less likely to smoke, drink heavily or be physically inactive. They are less likely than singles, divorcees or widowed adults to be in fair or poor health and are less likely to suffer from headaches or psychological problems.

“It could by the ‘Nag Factor,’” according to Barbara Bartlein, author of Why Did I Marry You Anyway? 12.5 Strategies for a Happy Marriage. “ Spouses tend to nag each other about health related issues such as smoking, drinking, risky behavior and receiving regular medical care.”
Ironically, people have climbed the ladder of success by working long hours and taking on extra projects, often sacrificing time with family. Now, new research demonstrates that they would actually be healthier, wealthier and happier if they concentrated more on their marriage. There appears to be grave consequences for couples that call it quits too easily that have not been addressed in previous studies. We have created disposable marriages in a throw away culture with little regard to the personal costs for the individual and family.

If you are looking for a long and healthy life, marriage may be part of the answer. Married folks tend to live longer and healthier than their single, divorced or widowed counterparts. And while my husband would claim that it just feels longer, the statistics demonstrate this is true.

*Non-marrieds have significantly higher rates of mortality; 50% higher among women and 250% higher among men.

*For men, staying married boosts the chance of surviving to age 65 from about 2 out of three to almost 9 out of 10.

*The unmarried are far more likely to die from all causes, including coronary heart disease, stroke, pneumonia, cancer, cirrhosis, automobile accidents, murder, and suicide.

*Being married improves the mental health for both men and women—there is someone to talk to. Spouses discuss their worries, dreams and disappointments with their partners, which helps relieve stress and anxiety.

*Researcher also found that there were positives effects from the “nag factor.” This is; the routine nagging that spouses do to encourage a positive lifestyle and decrease destructive habits such as smoking or drinking to excess.

A healthy marriage may also be the starting point for a growing net worth. Not only is divorce very costly in the short run, the long-term effects of not being married dramatically affect how financially secure you become. Consider:

*The longer people stay married, the greater their wealth accumulations.

*At retirement, a typical married couple has accumulated about $410,000 compared to about $167,000 for never married, about $145,000 for divorced and just under $96,000 for the separated.

*Spouses have better health and life insurance coverage.

*The married have increased access to pensions and social security.

*Being married provides “insurance.” In case of death, spouses almost always leave their worldly goods—Social Security and pension benefits to their wives or husbands. By getting married, spouses create an “annuity value” that is equal to increasing one’s wealth by 12-14 percent at age thirty and by 30 percent at age seventy-five compared to staying single.

*Married people behave more responsibly about money because they have more responsibilities. By pooling money, labor, and time, married people create far more opportunities for building wealth.

*There also is a value to IN LAWS—They tend to help a family when needed. In laws also provide potential access to inheritance. About 29% of married couples received financial help from in-laws and about a quarter of families with children received financial transfers in the past five years.

In spite of the jokes and comedy routines, married folks also tend to be happier than their single counterparts. Married men and women report less depression, less anxiety, and lower levels of other types of psychological distress than do those who are single, divorced, or widowed.

*Widowed and divorces persons are about three times as likely to commit suicide.

*Marital status is one of the most important predictors of happiness. 40% of the married said they are very happy with their life in general, compared to just under a quarter of those who were single or who were cohabiting.

The commitment to make marriage a priority will have a tremendous impact on your life. The success prescription for health, wealth and happiness: Work as hard on your marriage as you do on your career.
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